(mos)q[uito/uesnel]

-i went to quesnel and met some people hey people and got hugs and laughs and questions of interest and all that fun stuff and it was good except for the fucking mosquitos they fucking love me. i attract everything i swear. i think even male mosquitos were tapping this even though they are techinically not supposed to and the only reason i know that is because this one sunday a couple of weeks ago i was really hungover and watching tv and the morning news ended and i could not be bothered to change the channel because that would have required movement but movement made banging noises in my head so i left it and a fishing show came on you know how sundays are so i left it because i did not want the poundbangpound in my head the host was so excited talking about mosquitos and if i could yell at him i would have but ya he told me males do not bite only females need blood to create eggs or some gross fucking reproductive shit like that... LOOK

AND NO THAT IS NOT BACK ACNE maybe one or two are but most of that shit are bites from moquitos and kael thinks even black flys were using some forks and knives on me. great. i love the interior and their fucking bugs so anyseguay i come home after said trip to find out parents are thinking of moving to williams lake?!@#! nice. i will just paint on deet. thanks guys. you better make me tons of fucking pre-made frozen meat loaf nicely packed in ice for the trip back if you ever expect me to visit you there.


dont fucking take pictures of me driving or the car goes into the ditch

we even hiked... i KNOW


the discovery of MACRO

cache creek


how YOU doin....

eyeing the waldo from quesnel

-my eye is better now. it is just some hot scar now and everyone is telling me all these things to make the scar go away like aloe and oil and vitamin E and bacon grease and well no i lie about the bacon grease but i would love an excuse to smear bacon grease on me not that i need an excuse but if i did with no excuse i would just be a disgusting person who smells like bacon grease and all shiny but i bet it would help with tanning in the sun but regardless it does not help with scarring so i will not be doing that but anyiwantbaconnow i will not be following any of those helpfuls tips because i like my scars and it gives me street cred like i am a FIGHTAH but not really just with hardwood floors but being irish i like to tell tall tales (read: bullshit to no end) so to some i have fought, to some i was abused, to some it was a sex act gone wrong and to the rest i pretend to twitch and fiddle with my pocketknife all loca style.

-i have a massive erection for zachary. look at him all fucking cute in his american apparel and everyone is like WALDO but he is super cute and i do not care if he is straight or gay i still think he is super cute and everything said and done i will gossip and say he's a huge MO like eager bottom MO because i can tell. i smell these things out. look at the way he is walking with his upper arms are bent close to his body then at the elbow the arms flay out and then at the wrist the hand goes close to the body again what self respecting straight guy walks like that so anygay i mean i could also be projecting my wishfulnessness of this but no. even kael said he had a boner for him so i do not feel guilty talking about this whatsoever. 3some with spock. wow.

-i have done a couple more paintings i have finished off cupid the asshole and then there is this guy who is thinking about a bunch of words that are swirling in his mind and not sure what to do about it because that is how i feel most of the time. everyone says they like them but no one buys. BUY MY FUCKING PAINTINGS PEOPLE!!!



-so as of 5o'clock i am off on a road trip to quesnel bc until wednesday. umm details to come and whether i survive this trip will be a story i am sure that will be passed on from generation to generation.

ashes ashes, we all FLL down

-i am back from fort lauderdale. i am having some nice color. sun is good. but with the color i have bits of dead skin flaking off with every little scratch like my back is looking like a piece of dried flaky filo paper and when i scatch my back and i look behind me there is a pile of skin on my couch it is so cute like the pile of skin the lady with the Pedegg dumps out in the add. but other than that color, i also acquired some hot scars on my face because i am a fucking idiot with bad balance and does not watch where he goes. so it starts of with stairs...

and then there is me...

and after spending the day and the day prior in the sun i was not feeling super hot well not literally because my skin was burning but too much sun my stomach feels weird feeling...

in combination of some vodka orange juice and your results are this:

so i fought gravity tooth and nail and i lost and my glasses betrayed me and teamed up on my eye and caused LACERATIONS i really like that word better than gashes or cuts. LACERATED. i got my stitches out yesterday and i am glad because they were driving me nuts because the doctor (CCAAAUUUTTTTTTEE) in florida who stitched me up used blue thread and did not trim the ends short so from the corner of my eye i would see this blue thread waving in the air so i eventually did trim them but then they were itchy and i had accidently pulled one out so anyway i got the other ten out yesterday. now time for scars.

anyimafuckingidiot other than that florida was amaaazing. randyman and bucci were excellent host even when their guests scratch their hard wood floor with the face they still treated me well and fed me well and watered me well and i liked their pool even though randyman thinks the temp should be at 35c° even in the middle of the day. dali museum was such a great thing that i could not even try to describe what it is like to see his paintings in front of you in real life. i almost got teary but that is because i am emotional bitch and even cried during the season finale of lost but that is another story of retardedness. we also did busch gardens and that was so much fun especially coasters that take your ass up 200 ft and then drop you back down at a 90° angle is sooo much fun especially when you think you are going to die and you smell bacon no really i did on the second straight down what the fuck drop i smelled bacon.



at this moment you think you will plummit head first and die as they dangle you there for about 3 seconds...

but if i had died i would have been happy as my last meal would have been the breakfast that morning...

the waitress stared at my shirt then my plate and was like AMAZING. i know.

anybacon there were hippos and hyenas and giraffes and meeeeeeeeercats and birds and monkeys and gorillas and a tiger and leeeeeeemurs and dorchester and stuffed turtles. it was fun.












i love these two... especially when they are eating and throwing their scraps in front of me


-then to top it off on the way home i used my eye as an excuse to get bumped to business class and i did since when i changed my return after i fell i could only get economy but i played the irish charm card with a wink from the swollen eye and a sad face and i got a lady who was like pooooor bebe. done. then came home to an amazingly clean apartment, a live turtle, and rye and beer waiting for me. an excellent voyage from beginning to end.

ps-and SPECIAL mention goes to Maria the german novel loving lady from Munich who battled the rain clouds with persistance in the name of finishing her book. :squish:

shaking the florida tree

blush makes burns look real.

i was gonna say i am surprised i can lift my leg that high but actually i am not.

-i have 4 more sleeps, some packing to do, then 2 business class flights, an overnight at sheraton gateway and then i will be in florida for a week. i am a tad on the excited side...

shaking the kitty return

-i decided not to post in april because i did not want to so i did not but i will now again and i try to not to care that i do not post but i guess because i have posted about my life and its non-exciting'nessess for long times that i can not let go so i guess here i go again.

-so i can totally guess actually i _know_ that obviously buddy who lives above me has a new girlfriend or something cause a certain someone is banging something for a couple of nights now around like 12midnight and in all honesty i am thinking this is the first time i have had to deal with someone above me banging the shit out of something and all i hear is squeek squeek squeeek of headboards and bed frames and so on and its fun to listen to the rhythm speed up and decrease like uh oh someone is getting tired but that is because i am a loser and so nosey on other peoples lives but that is okay and then round like 1205am there is a little gross female yelp like she stubbed her vagina toe. then i turn the radio up and then go to sleep.

-i am master housesitter as i have stated before and this time it was for rodney and kristen because they went down to mexico and please do not even go near the swine flu for H1N1 SUPER DUPER VIRUS A GRAD 2009 i am tired of talking about that shit so please do not bring up the fact that peopler are dying but IN MEXICO who probably thought they just had a cold and did nothing then died BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DEATH IN THE U.S.A ya that is right i forgot about that oh thats right she was a MEXICAN BABY visiting anyway perportions are blown wide me thinks but ANYWAY so i house sat and they have two kitties named titus and amelia and i love them i am uncle jared to them


and i couldnt figure out why my earphones were chewed up...




amelia is an ice cream whore. so is kael. they got along well. except when ice cream was present. but kael was nice and let her share the stick

titus' impersonation of fags... haaaayyyy

i got to live at their super nice place for a week and i got to walk to work which was nice rather than ride transit where people are fucking disgusting and sneeze on you when the H1N1 SUPER DUPER VIRUS A GRAD 2009 is around but ya that was cool so is their patio and their gay neighbors who shower with their window open so you can sorta peak and see their upper half lathering up and then they see you staring and it is an awkward moment but you do not care because it was free.

-tanya was moving out of her place with her boyfriend and last saturday they had a party summer themed and we did the shaky faces photos and i do not have all of them because i have some classic pictures

see we are not retarded faced like normal that is a shaky face and i like how jenna's boob got in on the action too.

thieving things for theorys

-so i subscribed last year to national geographic in an attempt to look smart by leaving the magazines in the bathroom so when dates come by they will see that and be all like WHOA HE IS SMART HE MUST BE IF HE ENJOYS READING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC DURING BOWEL MOVEMENTS and i received 4 issues and then after january nothing so i called and said LADY I AM NOT GETTING THEM ANYMORE so she said they would resend me february and march and that it would take a week and that was 2 weeks ago so i am going to go down to our mailbox for the office with a axe and chop some hands off anybody who looks intelligent and who mentions anything about "something they read in national geographic..." CHOP!!!

-cupid is actually a cynical alcoholic.


-i think you should all offer me money for my paintings soon because i am convinced i am going to die of a brain tumor because i have been getting headaches since saturday when things are intense. i hope i get hallucinations.

so buy now before i die.

(why has that not been used in marketing before... brilliant)

-so i am wanting to do the lets hop on a plane and get the fuck outta here thing again so in may i am going to florida for a week and visiting bucci and randyman and after i do the haaay sunshine make me look old with your rays but give me color i head off to montreal and instead of just connecting through i am going to spend the weekend there in a luxury hotel and search the streets of mon-reee-al. then fly back business class because i am a fucking diva bitch and i do things right. i am looking forward to it and that is it.

dance of the creep sucking on irish bacon

-i have been painting a little bit more these days and i just finished this one for a new friend:

i am having fun depicting people as short fat little fucks but anyway new friend had sent me a piece of writing and in it was the line "yesterday knows only one dance..." and i do not know why but for whatever reason that set off the creative juices and i painted this so then i gave it to new friend and new friend likes it but this is not the final final product i forgot to take a picture of the final final because i was too excited to give said painting to new friend but that is okay i am sure if i wanted new friend would let me over to take a picture or two then of the painting! HA!
and please note the blackeneded q-tip at the top of the picture was used to apply some acrylic ink that is not product of my ear if it was i would be concerned for my health and mind you i am sure if you took a qtip to my liver the technicolor result would be mind boggling.

-speaking of pictures... oh i can not believe i have not shared this well i have been lazy and i am aware of this but back in december i went to rodney and kristens christmas party and i got in the seasonal mood and got hammed and that night i walked all the way home in the snow from downtown to my apartment like a 45 minute walk but let me tell you hastings street is so fun when you are drunk walking home in the snow i sorta now understand why it is hang-out-ville for the drunks and drug addicts and anyway that was that now cut to end of february i get a call at work and some guy is all quick talking telling me he met me at a christmas party in december and could not remember whos party and he liked my look and wants to take pictures and then i was like UMM I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS AT WORK and then he asked for my number and i said NO you can have my email and then he was all snotty like and said CANT I JUST HAVE YOUR CELL NUMBER and i said NO and so he took my email and i get this email which i deleted but said that he liked my look my ink and wants to take pictures of me in jeans, underwear and nude for his "private portfolio" and then i was super offended because fuck face did not even offer me any money like hello do you think i give this shit away for free* at least if there was an offer of money i would take a moment of thought and still say no but come on now but lesson learned leave the business cards at home when going to a function based on merry-making-drink-fest.
*if you are reading this and i have given it to you for free that is because i was a)drunk b)liked you c)thought you had money

-umm hello lovers...

-on st. patricks day i drank beer. sans vert. i do not need green food coloring in my beer to feel irish. but i hope you all drank a bit of beer or some sorta irish drink type thing. i thought of jamesons but i knew at a public place that would only lead to public not-so-goodness-like-falling-asleep-under-the-restaurant-table. been there and that does not feel irish.

bang frank BANG

-so there have been like many a gang type people shooting eachother or something in vancouver and its like wow and i read in the elevator that saskatoon was deemed the most dangerous city in canada which confuses me but i guess its from last year crime rates so i am thinking vancouver will get the oscar for this years results but anyway the news is like nonstop gang gang gang gang gang death weather gang gang bang like if there is a shooting which can happen sans gangs but the new talking person will say "...and it is unclear at this time if it is gang related" almost like america did under W whenever there was an incident with a plane "...and it is unclear at this time if it is terror related" but my favorite is that there was a shooting in surrey i think two weeks ago and there is this helicopter shot of the cops dragging the body out of the vehicle and you can tote see all the blood smear all over the parking lines and its totally "file footage" that they replay over and over when they talk about gangs and death and shootings haha and i am amazed they just show that so willy nilly but hey on friday nights at like 11p there is hardcore porn on regular cable so i guess its fine but i am so turning into a cantankerous old homo... 3o here i come.HA

-friend tyler had a get together on saturday i forgot to take pictures except a couple when i found my camera hiding in my jacket pocket

thats tylers bum those pants were pretty tight


-i heart lisa you might remember her from "mimes doms and dolls"


awesome.

i like tylers parties and i like em better when i remember them which i did on saturday because i did not mix so memory type chemicals were rolling along just fine i like that it makes me feel like baby steps in the right direction.

-last saturday SA(squared) which is shaun and shari came over and we introduced shaun to zawas and then we came back and shaun put up a light that has been down ever since we moved in back 4 yrs ago and i like it up because it will give more light but the height thing that has been a bad thing for certain people but we will adjust accordingly and oh on the way back we saw frank who is the neighbor hood pussy i am sure i have mentioned frank before everyone knows frank when i walk by and another person is like hey frank i say hey frank every time too because frank is pretty fucking cool but he followed us up the back alley and shari recorded frank and he ran in the middle and shari is funny

i fucking love that. hah frank.

recommendation time: hamlet 2
i rented this with a friend based on his recommendation which was basically me asking what type of movie it was and he said "pretty fucking funny movie" so i said okay and that is a pretty accurate review. youll get raped in the face.