melting the homos away...

-dearest ontario,
you can take back your fucking humidity it is disgusting and i do not like it. we will keep the sun because i like having summer and you can keep our rain we really do not want it mind you the forest fires could use it but i do not want it but please take your humidity back because when i am sleeping nude style with nothing and a fan blowing in my bodily direction and i am still sweating and i do not want to be touched that is not enjoyable or like when i ride the bus to work and some news reporter lady says that the temperature on the bus is equal to 46 degrees but actually feels like 150 that is not enjoyable especially being all dressed in business casual wear but more like fucking sweat wear ya that is not enjoyable and having to smell everyones odors so intesified ya gross and i have like really not got no tan going on because being outside is so draining but whatever that is why i am going out to surrey to my parents this weekend to visit my loving parental figures and engage in wonderful parent-son conversation as i take full fucking advantage of their pool.
xoxo
gossipgirl
ps- if this is what the east deals with every summer and then the harsh winters then you are all masocistic fuckers.


-here are some random shots from the folk fest where this weird wedding type people walked through the crowd



and off they go......



sunset through the trees... looked so much cooler in real life


(kael really does not have a huge mutated jay leno jennifer aniston chin that is just all shadow and lighting...)

-i have received my first 3 invites to pride parties today for this weekend but i am skipping all that shit and i will be hanging out in surrey because if you know me you know how i feel so i will not bore you with my rant so people please thank you for your invites but do not bother as i will be avoiding the homos this weekend as i will be sitting in a pool in quiet solitude drinking in celebration of my pride of being cool and wet not on denman cheering a float of gays in their underwear. i am not jaded i am just tired of the same thing over and over again.

remember that time...

-do not worry i was not a fucking idiot again and did not fall off stairs again i just wanted to post the picture because i think i look hot except for the slight formation of the double chin starting to protrude but that is because i am fat well i am feeling fat like beer bloat fat and then i bitch about it and then do nothing but that is not entirely true i DID do something i actually went running last week for like 15 minutes then i said fuck this and went home and poured myself a glass of rye on ice see that is my way of combating the fat i do not drink beer as much so i just drink rye straight up and i have been eating salads more too then for like 3 days my legs hurt from running and i even made sure to stretch but whatev i did it because i need to start running so i did a feeble run the first time to get one under the belt but now a week and a bit later with no run in between the first one under the belt has become lost under the belly slowing taking over the waistline and anything in its sight. i really do not understand how obese people can be comfortable the size they are and maybe they are not but once my view of my genitals is slightly obstructed to the tiniest degree i feel compelled to exercise or just starve myself. several weeks ago i was at my parents place helping them set up the above ground pool because thats how you do it in surrey and it was fucking hot and i said to my mom 'i am taking my shirt off but i warn you i have gained weight because of kael and his cooking' and my mom was like you know the typical mom and said some shit like ill love you any size you are and i took my shirt off and she said "oh...". thanks mom. then i was trying the wii fit for a while too and my friend skwirl and i have come to the conclusion the balance board is a fucking asshole and mean like it tells you are fat and when you step on it it says the same thing my mom does "OH". so the wii fit is no longer welcome in my apartment. BANNED. only i can call myself fat. i had perogies and a shared a pitcher of beer for dinner last night. fyi.

-anyfattyfattyfatfat i have been painting or trying to and this is the newest one:

it is entitled "the last gummybear" and i gave it to randyman because i have never seen a human being enjoy gummy bears to the length that he does. bucci flew to munich to go for 3 months and he took the painting with him to give to randyman for me. it is one of my favorites. i need to stop giving them away...
others...

you have may seen this one already...
well here is his brother...

i am working on a third one.

-i did volunteer at the folk fest this year and it was amazing and i have fallen in love with a new singer guy named Dan Mangan and i totally recommend him to anyone i love his voice so deep and raspy at times yet so awesome anyboner i totally am telling you to purchase (NOT DOWNLOAD support the guy) his EP called Roboteering and his new album Nice Nice Very Nice is coming out on the 11th. he is from bc and i can see why some many love this guy. every year i go i always seem to find one artist who i fall in love with and go nuts and this year the title goes to dan. thank you dan. ps. your cute.

(mos)q[uito/uesnel]

-i went to quesnel and met some people hey people and got hugs and laughs and questions of interest and all that fun stuff and it was good except for the fucking mosquitos they fucking love me. i attract everything i swear. i think even male mosquitos were tapping this even though they are techinically not supposed to and the only reason i know that is because this one sunday a couple of weeks ago i was really hungover and watching tv and the morning news ended and i could not be bothered to change the channel because that would have required movement but movement made banging noises in my head so i left it and a fishing show came on you know how sundays are so i left it because i did not want the poundbangpound in my head the host was so excited talking about mosquitos and if i could yell at him i would have but ya he told me males do not bite only females need blood to create eggs or some gross fucking reproductive shit like that... LOOK

AND NO THAT IS NOT BACK ACNE maybe one or two are but most of that shit are bites from moquitos and kael thinks even black flys were using some forks and knives on me. great. i love the interior and their fucking bugs so anyseguay i come home after said trip to find out parents are thinking of moving to williams lake?!@#! nice. i will just paint on deet. thanks guys. you better make me tons of fucking pre-made frozen meat loaf nicely packed in ice for the trip back if you ever expect me to visit you there.


dont fucking take pictures of me driving or the car goes into the ditch

we even hiked... i KNOW


the discovery of MACRO

cache creek


how YOU doin....

eyeing the waldo from quesnel

-my eye is better now. it is just some hot scar now and everyone is telling me all these things to make the scar go away like aloe and oil and vitamin E and bacon grease and well no i lie about the bacon grease but i would love an excuse to smear bacon grease on me not that i need an excuse but if i did with no excuse i would just be a disgusting person who smells like bacon grease and all shiny but i bet it would help with tanning in the sun but regardless it does not help with scarring so i will not be doing that but anyiwantbaconnow i will not be following any of those helpfuls tips because i like my scars and it gives me street cred like i am a FIGHTAH but not really just with hardwood floors but being irish i like to tell tall tales (read: bullshit to no end) so to some i have fought, to some i was abused, to some it was a sex act gone wrong and to the rest i pretend to twitch and fiddle with my pocketknife all loca style.

-i have a massive erection for zachary. look at him all fucking cute in his american apparel and everyone is like WALDO but he is super cute and i do not care if he is straight or gay i still think he is super cute and everything said and done i will gossip and say he's a huge MO like eager bottom MO because i can tell. i smell these things out. look at the way he is walking with his upper arms are bent close to his body then at the elbow the arms flay out and then at the wrist the hand goes close to the body again what self respecting straight guy walks like that so anygay i mean i could also be projecting my wishfulnessness of this but no. even kael said he had a boner for him so i do not feel guilty talking about this whatsoever. 3some with spock. wow.

-i have done a couple more paintings i have finished off cupid the asshole and then there is this guy who is thinking about a bunch of words that are swirling in his mind and not sure what to do about it because that is how i feel most of the time. everyone says they like them but no one buys. BUY MY FUCKING PAINTINGS PEOPLE!!!



-so as of 5o'clock i am off on a road trip to quesnel bc until wednesday. umm details to come and whether i survive this trip will be a story i am sure that will be passed on from generation to generation.

ashes ashes, we all FLL down

-i am back from fort lauderdale. i am having some nice color. sun is good. but with the color i have bits of dead skin flaking off with every little scratch like my back is looking like a piece of dried flaky filo paper and when i scatch my back and i look behind me there is a pile of skin on my couch it is so cute like the pile of skin the lady with the Pedegg dumps out in the add. but other than that color, i also acquired some hot scars on my face because i am a fucking idiot with bad balance and does not watch where he goes. so it starts of with stairs...

and then there is me...

and after spending the day and the day prior in the sun i was not feeling super hot well not literally because my skin was burning but too much sun my stomach feels weird feeling...

in combination of some vodka orange juice and your results are this:

so i fought gravity tooth and nail and i lost and my glasses betrayed me and teamed up on my eye and caused LACERATIONS i really like that word better than gashes or cuts. LACERATED. i got my stitches out yesterday and i am glad because they were driving me nuts because the doctor (CCAAAUUUTTTTTTEE) in florida who stitched me up used blue thread and did not trim the ends short so from the corner of my eye i would see this blue thread waving in the air so i eventually did trim them but then they were itchy and i had accidently pulled one out so anyway i got the other ten out yesterday. now time for scars.

anyimafuckingidiot other than that florida was amaaazing. randyman and bucci were excellent host even when their guests scratch their hard wood floor with the face they still treated me well and fed me well and watered me well and i liked their pool even though randyman thinks the temp should be at 35c° even in the middle of the day. dali museum was such a great thing that i could not even try to describe what it is like to see his paintings in front of you in real life. i almost got teary but that is because i am emotional bitch and even cried during the season finale of lost but that is another story of retardedness. we also did busch gardens and that was so much fun especially coasters that take your ass up 200 ft and then drop you back down at a 90° angle is sooo much fun especially when you think you are going to die and you smell bacon no really i did on the second straight down what the fuck drop i smelled bacon.



at this moment you think you will plummit head first and die as they dangle you there for about 3 seconds...

but if i had died i would have been happy as my last meal would have been the breakfast that morning...

the waitress stared at my shirt then my plate and was like AMAZING. i know.

anybacon there were hippos and hyenas and giraffes and meeeeeeeeercats and birds and monkeys and gorillas and a tiger and leeeeeeemurs and dorchester and stuffed turtles. it was fun.












i love these two... especially when they are eating and throwing their scraps in front of me


-then to top it off on the way home i used my eye as an excuse to get bumped to business class and i did since when i changed my return after i fell i could only get economy but i played the irish charm card with a wink from the swollen eye and a sad face and i got a lady who was like pooooor bebe. done. then came home to an amazingly clean apartment, a live turtle, and rye and beer waiting for me. an excellent voyage from beginning to end.

ps-and SPECIAL mention goes to Maria the german novel loving lady from Munich who battled the rain clouds with persistance in the name of finishing her book. :squish:

shaking the florida tree

blush makes burns look real.

i was gonna say i am surprised i can lift my leg that high but actually i am not.

-i have 4 more sleeps, some packing to do, then 2 business class flights, an overnight at sheraton gateway and then i will be in florida for a week. i am a tad on the excited side...

shaking the kitty return

-i decided not to post in april because i did not want to so i did not but i will now again and i try to not to care that i do not post but i guess because i have posted about my life and its non-exciting'nessess for long times that i can not let go so i guess here i go again.

-so i can totally guess actually i _know_ that obviously buddy who lives above me has a new girlfriend or something cause a certain someone is banging something for a couple of nights now around like 12midnight and in all honesty i am thinking this is the first time i have had to deal with someone above me banging the shit out of something and all i hear is squeek squeek squeeek of headboards and bed frames and so on and its fun to listen to the rhythm speed up and decrease like uh oh someone is getting tired but that is because i am a loser and so nosey on other peoples lives but that is okay and then round like 1205am there is a little gross female yelp like she stubbed her vagina toe. then i turn the radio up and then go to sleep.

-i am master housesitter as i have stated before and this time it was for rodney and kristen because they went down to mexico and please do not even go near the swine flu for H1N1 SUPER DUPER VIRUS A GRAD 2009 i am tired of talking about that shit so please do not bring up the fact that peopler are dying but IN MEXICO who probably thought they just had a cold and did nothing then died BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DEATH IN THE U.S.A ya that is right i forgot about that oh thats right she was a MEXICAN BABY visiting anyway perportions are blown wide me thinks but ANYWAY so i house sat and they have two kitties named titus and amelia and i love them i am uncle jared to them


and i couldnt figure out why my earphones were chewed up...




amelia is an ice cream whore. so is kael. they got along well. except when ice cream was present. but kael was nice and let her share the stick

titus' impersonation of fags... haaaayyyy

i got to live at their super nice place for a week and i got to walk to work which was nice rather than ride transit where people are fucking disgusting and sneeze on you when the H1N1 SUPER DUPER VIRUS A GRAD 2009 is around but ya that was cool so is their patio and their gay neighbors who shower with their window open so you can sorta peak and see their upper half lathering up and then they see you staring and it is an awkward moment but you do not care because it was free.

-tanya was moving out of her place with her boyfriend and last saturday they had a party summer themed and we did the shaky faces photos and i do not have all of them because i have some classic pictures

see we are not retarded faced like normal that is a shaky face and i like how jenna's boob got in on the action too.