drink the rizza ash

-because i wanted to prove to myself that i can control things with myself and for health and because i am convinced my insides would make pinging not so good sounds if i did not take it easy a tiny bit on the drinking i have not been all mr hardcore like i used to because i used to be hardcore have i mentioned this see that is another reason because i can not remember anything but i have taken it easy and it is nice. i used to always buy a six pack or a bottle of wine after work and consume and then i would like to consume and then so i would keep consuming because that voice that is inside that should say OKAY THAT IS ENOUGH well it would never be there because it was drowning and i would swear it said MORE MORE and so i would drink more and then i would wake up and go to work with my head doing pounding sounds with every step i took. i have not had that feeling for a while and i do not miss it. tonight tanya was over to keep me company and watch tv and i made pasta dinner and i did bring home some beer for dinner and after 2 i am actually done. it is a nice feeling to say okay i am fine thank you for coming. do not get me wrong when friday is here i let loose because everyone needs a release but at least i wake up on saturday with a sorta-hazy-recollection of how i got home compared to WHEREAREMYCLOTHESKEYSMONEYSMOKES
OHMYGODINEEDMYSMOKES
WHEREARETHEYBITCHHOWDIDWEGETHOME
DIDWEFIGHTWHATHAPPENED!@#!@?!#? thoughts.


and that way when i make cards for my friends birthdays laughing at the matter of me falling asleep everywhere from drinking are just laughs not bouncing thoughts of intervention.

-i am excited for saturday for elizabeth and for N. i know i have said this already and no i did not forget already just that i am excited. i like weddings. big or small. plus i just love rizza and N. and elizabeth knows how to steal you heart. especially when you get a bar bill.

and so does mitzie. mitzie steals your heart when you see her and she brings a toy to you and does the ass in the air IM WAITING pose.

and N too. but my favorite thing is to hug N. he is taller than me. i would have a picture of me hugging N but i do not because i am too busy hugging N to be concerned about taking a picture of me hugging N. i will in the future okay.

-ps. i like my new camera. i like the sepia option. it is obnoxious.