effing the gang bang

-for those who are not knowing i was born in surrey. many people when hearing the word surrey they cringe because they instantly visualize car thefts, really ugly and cheap hookers and just overall badness. not all surrey is bad but it does have a reputation. it taught me to swear when i was 6. actually i just repeated my parents. my parents i love. they just like to swear. so i developed the love of swearing. but i credit it to surrey. i joke around that i came out of the womb saying "fuck that hurt" but that was because i was born breech (sp?) but that is a whole different story for a different time. this time it is about swearing.

at christmas time retail stores go and hire massive amounts of people for christmas. so crapland has been infected with all these people who are new. i dislike new people... well not all of them just the ones who make themselves way to comfortable on their first day (ie. hey buddy hows it going? where you from what do you also do in spare time wanna go for drinks some time whats your name by the way?) i dislike those people. i do not need new friends, especially ones still in high school unless you are cute then maybe i will plug you from behind while you are grabbing some khakis off the floor but again that is not friendship that is me just taking care of an itch. anywayanyway i like to make the ones i dislike uncomfortable. using words like fuck shit asshole douche bag and the conjunction of the two words 'gang bang' do wonders for peoples level of comfort. my manager pulled a bunch of us aside and said she is putting in place a language policy in the back room because one of the new hires complained that she was uncomfortable.

**
manager: so someone complained that she was uncomfortable about the use of bad language in the back room (keep in mind we are watching the family guy on the tv in the back room while she is saying this...).

me: so fucking what...

manager: so we have put in place a language policy

me: your shitting me

manager: so we can not say things like that

me: whatever just fire the bitch then... i mean your gonna let her go anyway at the end of christmas.

manager: it is because we care about peoples levels of comfort. so no more rap with bad language and no more dvds with inapproriate words and no more swearing.

me: this is bullshit

manager: (looks at me all stern like)

me: well just you wait you will have a fucking mutiny on your hands... (as i walk away)
**

i banged my elbow the other night and uttered SHIT as a manager walked by

me: FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO SWEAR.. oh shit i did it again... oh gawd damn it i can not stop. (i proceed to laugh)

she just walked away clearing her throat. hah.

for some reason the managers have a certain level of tolerance with me and i can get away with insulting-verbal-murder. i think it is because they know i will call them on stupid shit (meaing i have a back bone in life). but i also think because some of them swear worse then me so they can not scold me for my mouth. i should have been fired long ago but i guess they also see that i am good at what i do but i am just 'inappropriate' at times and turn the blind eye or deaf ear or whatev is the proper term.

i sorta get off in a weird way on being mildly insubordinate...

i am currently on a mission to find the bitch that is all uncomfortable and break her spirit in the most possible way without swearing. i think gestures of fellatio and cunnilingusuguslinggus will do the trick and then just deny everything claiming she is mental mutant with an horrible and slanderous imagination