bitch lost

-nothing really cryptic about my title today. nope. where to begin... bitch lost:

~earlier last week he lost his wallet. troublesome since all his ID and other important little pieces of plastic are in that wallet. including oh did i mention his picture ID that he would need if we were to goto hawaii (we are planning on for either february or may). also not to mention that we were going to a club that night to celebrate a friends birthday but a little hard to do with no ID since club _____ has been known to have 'gang' trouble so they are tight with the whole identification thing. anywayanyway we eventually got in long story but ya.

~not in bitch's wallet (thank gawd) was his birth certificate. he was smart and kept that seperate. he was waiting for his new visa to come in to go get new picture ID because all you need is your birth certificate and a credit card or something and boom. new picture ID. we go to a pub and he brings his birth certificate with him to get in. he really does not need because the people we go with are huge uber regulars so we glide in with no problems. long story short the next morning he has lost his birth certificate, and cell phone (we wont mention he lost it possible dragging my ass out of a cab but ya).

~so he is ID'less completely and no phone. he goes out for dinner with his manager on sunday night and borrows my only umbrella.
next morning i go to grab my umbrella which is no longer in sight. he lost that too the night before and lo and behold it is turrential down pour of rain and i am eff'd. i get to work drowned in my new wool dress pants. hawt.

suddenly the gawds for whatever reason decide to smile on dave. a call from a cabby informs us that he has bitch's phone. he scrolled through the numbers on the phone and called bitchs parents and ya. with the phone... his birth certificate as well. enter massive sigh of relief. i was expecting someone to find it at a scene of a murder or something and ya mind you i would have ended up with the bed by myself which is always nice sometimes.
then within 10 hours he gets a call from translink... they have his wallet!@#! i am personally amazed. only thing taken was his bus pass.

regardless i am going to start stapling shit to him in the worst way.