patches

-i just finished speaking with my parents and they are asking if it is okay to put down my cat that lives at their place because she is old like 18 years old and i totally understand and knew it was coming but i can not stop crying and it is the annoying crying where the tears just wont stop and i totally understand why they asked because she is losing weight like mad and she is now completely blind and is falling off counters and they do not want her to get hurt and my dad asked if i wanted to go out to surrey to see her and i said no just please put her down and that was the hardest thing to say because i do not want to be selfish and have her possibly hurt herself between now and then since she apparently is losing balance and almost fell off the staircase from the second floor last night. i do not even have the energy to go searching for a bunch of nice pictures of her to post because it will make me more upset and teary and snot filled. i just keep remembering how when i was living at home and i would come home bummed out because of some trivial aspect of life she always found me and would sit in my lap and i would pet her and she would purr because no matter what she loved me and that made her the best cat. i am quite sad right now.
update: i found one