denim breakfast dreams

-i am not sure where the hell they are coming from but lately i've been having some really messed up dreams all crazy like and some of them have not been fun where you all like wake up and are all sweaty and gross and all panicy and then you mentally say to yourself phew that was just a dream and then you sit there and can not get back to sleep because you are then analyzing the dream and thinking what the hell it was about and i wonder if i did this or that but it does not matter cause its over but you still think about it and then go back to sleep like 45 minutes later. those are always fun. the other night it was about some freaks doing drive bys and then busting into my apartment. thats the short version. probably because last week was sober week.

-these are bitch's photos but i am going to show some of them. thanks bitch.


have you ever wondered what bitch looks like eating a burger? well you are in luck today...








normally on the tire swing i like to be spun around so fast that your head flys back and you are trying to lift your head and you can not because you are spinning so fast and your face looks mildly retarded as your are trying to fight it. that is fun. but we did not do that then because we just ate and you can imagine the outcome.

-bitch, shari and i went shopping for jeans last night and shari and i succeeded and i got these jeans that are a pretty nice fit but the crotch area is a little tight well tighter than what i am used to but they look good however shari said that if i get a boner i am toast but what she does not know is that maybe that is why i bought them. HA.

-bitch bitched about me posting his pictures and i said thank you and so i took down a bunch them that i was going to originally post but then he said NO DON LEAVE THEM UP and now i am confused.

bearing the sleeping ink

-this morning when i woke up i felt like it was fall already. i do not know why but it was depressing.
and with that i instantly felt like hibernating. maybe that is why i am eating mozza burgers like no tomorrow. i am storing fat for the winter. or i am just storing fat. i am feeling moo'ish. i had salads for lunch 2 days in a row and they were caesar salads and i asked for extra bacon and parm cheese so i might as well have had the mozza burgers.


-last friday elizabeth called and was like WOOO LETS PARTY and so i gathered my stuff and went to a friends birthday party first and then they started to go a direction i was not feeling so i left to meet up with elizabeth and bitch and tanya and amanda joined me over at her apartment and it was fun and we all loved her dress and then i started to fall asleep. like goodnight. and bitch was like THIS MEANS WE NEED TO GO so we left and when i got home i fell asleep on the floor and bitch thought it would be hilarious to hide me in laundry which he did and that is my foot sticking out of the bottom. true story. talk about disorienting when i woke up i had the WHERE THE HELL AM I?!#$! thing going on but that is about on par for a saturday morning. imagine if i suffocated and died in laundry. that would make people laugh at my funeral and they would slap their knee and be like TYPICAL JARED. i know it.

-i watched la ink last night and i said that is it and i have designed my next tattoo. i just need to take it in now for a consultation to the cute japanese lady who did my reap n sow tattoo because her lines are so perfect and that is what i need. i am excited.

pictoral interlude - me day

-so these are pictures from friday night and it was fun and i got all fucked up all birthday style when its your birthday you do it well and with the help of a gift that was a camel backpack thingy full of gin and tonic thanks to bucci and that is the thing you will see half way through me sucking on and shoving in peoples mouths.. i know. hot huh. good times and thanks for people coming out and sorry for the vespa bullshit but whatev. needless to say i woke up weird and lost my phone and camera and i hated 27 but then all was found and i liked 27 again. phew it was a close one too. oh and i had my i am 27 now open mouth pose the whole night. i was trying to perfect it horribly. happy birthday to me.















"the name is ameda or adema either way ill fuck you up..."




when i look at elizabeth i seriously wonder what she is thinking...


this picture is so the overload of adorable, no?


hahahahah...sucker

birthday bitch

-thats me. i am the birthday bitch. i am working today which fucking sucks but i am hung over and i have a 'i-dont-give-a-shit-attitude' today because it is my birthday. i am excited for tonight. i have invited some close friends to zawas or zestys whatever to help celebrate and by celebrate i mean for them to buy me drinks because it is my birthday. i am excited for that though because i have never had a birthday party. never. well like with family yes i have but never with friends in the quantity of more than 3 all at one time. i do not have loot bags i hope they do not mind. but i am funny when i am drunk so hopefully that is good enough for them as a loot bag. i plan to take pictures with everyone and you will all be subjected to them soon, why, because it is my birthday.
i love how everybody on facebook know nows it my birthday thanks to facebook and i have had everyone wish me a happy birthday because facebook told them so. thanks facebook.

scrabbling books for paint

-i know shari does not read this or at least i do not think she does and if you do shari then sorry for ruining this since i may have not given it to you yet but anyway she asked for a platypus painting way back and i finally got down to finish it for her and i like it i do.

thats waddy the pink pot bellied platylus. welcome.

-um so i was needing something to read awhile back actually before i went to mexico and i bought "i know this much is true" by wally lamb and it was amazing and i just finished it and it was a pick of the oprah book club blah blah blah and whatever oprah can pick good books i guess and tanya lent me another book because i needed a new one and guess what it is another oprah book oh gawd but i am cool and i will read it. it is about people in india and i just started and there are like packed trains and no legged bums and cows sorta what i thought india would be like. oh its called "a fine balance" by rohinton mistry.

-omg i am watching power of 10 and amber from big brother is on and she is crying surprise jesus needs to put cotton swabs in every hole in that womans body i am thinking. dear jesus... i need to ask you a favor...
i also just noticed when amber is talking she looks like a muppet. silly bitch.

-oh and since i finished the platypus for shari i started a new animal painting and i can not tell you what it is not that i actually care but i am trying to do like this SUSPENSEFUL thing

hmm i wonder what it is is what i know youre thinking and well i will just tell you it is the beginning of a seahorse. or see-whores. hah. i amuse myself way too easily. but it will get better. i promise.

-my birthday is in like 3 days. yep. 27. fuck.

-oooohhhh on facebook they have this application where you can play scrabble. i have been playing scrabble sooooo much with everybody. if you are on my facebook, please challenge me to a game. i love scrabble. i do not know why. i just do. like drinking. drinking and scrabble. fun.

ads for the needle hotel

-pre-s: i am extremely bored.
-so parents left with my little brother and went down to reno and then heading to vegas and somewhere else i forgot but they left on saturday morning so i went over on friday night and crashed there and slept little and woke up to my mom at 6am wanting to leave and shit and after they left lauren came over and hung out and had coffee and we talked and i made fun of my old neighborhood and we laughed and she wanted to show me this dyslexia ad and apparently it was on tv like a year ago and i never saw it that is for sure and ya. i love it though.

and after we watched that i said what about that one and we clicked it and it was funny too well not at first you are all like WHOA this is intense type thing but the end makes up for it.

i showed bitch and he was like SO. and i questioned our relationship because i almost pissed myself laughing with lauren not that i am laughing AT dyslexia i am merely laughing at the commercials out there promoting dyslexic type people or something.

-then saturday was a complete write off even the evening (sorry) and tanya and amanda came over when bitch was off work and they popped in this movie called tideland. um huh? and what? i left the room and slept. i was too sleep deprived to try and understand that movie because i got lost at the kid cooking up the needle

-then sunday bitch and i went to the river rock hotel and casino and i got to stay there for a night all comp. style because that is what we call perks and then i had monday off and that was fun. shari and dale came and visited us and we gambled and then totally did not understand eachother and what we were doing and then they left and bitch and i went back to the room and played games and then he slept and i went and gambled more and won like 40 bucks and that was nice and then went to sleep the end. nice hotel though.

by far one of the most comfortable beds ever. ever.

(there are lots of pictures but they are from bitches camera)

-oh and in a moment of randomness we went to zawas or zestys or whatever on commercial on the way back from eating we found a baby doll strung up in a tree. true story.


tote creepy eh but sorta cool especially after watching 5 minutes of tideland.


ps-that is tangos new tank. s/he is fucking stoked. so are we.

anciently greying gifts

-last week i almost fell out of my chair well i did at one point but that is not what i am refering too but i was looking for some song okay i wont lie it was some song of justin timberlakes old album justified and while i was looking on soulseek i found a song that i totally used to dance too and own and made my anthem. JUSTIFIED AND ANCIENT by KLF holy shit what a great song especially with tammy wynette and she is like STAND BY YOUR JAM and i always pictured her standing by a case of jars with jam but i know they are refering to the song as JAM because in the 90's they did that you know. anyway it is a great song. i have always wondered where the fuck MOOMOO LAND was though. and if they are so old and ancient why are they driving an ice cream van? i do not care. sing it tammy. i am listening to it right now at work and i can not hear if the phones ring i guess i will know when my co worker throws post it note pads at me. she does that to get my attention. also i remember when this came out people were like KLF and TAMMY ... TOGETHER? it is like timbaland and celine. insanity.

-i just came back from the bathroom at work and i am all like WTF because i just found this huge patch of grey or white hair well not like a HUGE PATCH but more than 5 strands and i knew i had one or two but now there are more and right before i turn 27 which i think is sorta hot in that i will look more sophisticated type way but still holy shit i feel ancient. hah. totally todays word of the day.

mind you i know if i were this guy reading this i would be all SHUT THE FUCK UP like when i skinny person says they feel fat and a fat person just glares at them. i think i have talked about that before. is there a scientific word for this other than self absorbed asshole?

-i have a feeling this weekend will be fun. new pictures and new stories. my parents are going away for a road trip to vegas and reno and i am going over to see them tomorrow because they are away for my birthday and i like to believe i am their fave so i am going to go say bye before they leave on saturday morning and by say bye i mean see what they are going to give to me for my birthday.