insomnimail

-sometimes i think i am internet superstar and super famous and everybody hangs on my witty and creative words but then i wake up and realize that i am not famous and that i am not witty i am just some homo in vancouver that nobody likes to comment too but i still type because i need to waste time some how and ya but then sometimes i get smiles on my face because people write me to tell me they read me and like what i type because it makes them laugh.

**
From : EVETTE
Sent : January 26, 2006 2:37:36 PM
To :
Subject : your hilarious blog

I am an incurable insomniac, so I have turned to my computer (recently) for solace. I found your site the other day--you are funny as hell!!!!!!!!! When I cant sleep, I read your old posts. You keep me laughing, because you tell a story like nobody else possibly could! THANK YOU!!!!

Evette

not sure if you even care about what I think,
but I thought I'd let you know anyway!

**
i thought that was sweet of evette to write me in her pain of insomnia which i find funny since she reads a blawg titled tales of the narcoleptic avenger. and please note that i did not alter that email she sent she actually did all that putting of exclamation marks!!!!!! HOLLA i wrote back and told her i care and said thank you words.

ray-dee-ayshun nothingness

-so normally when i walk into the office on monday mornings bosslady is all like HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND MISSY?!? and i usually then go into a big long description about some crazy ass event like bitch losing his wallet 3 times in a weekend, encounters with building man rich, or about how knives got waved around in my face but today when i did the walking in hello all i said was I DID NOTHING THIS WEEKEND and she was all shocked that i did not have any story to tell her about and she almost look saddened or unless she has cramps but i do not know.

but honestly i did nothing. i slept friday night away.
saturday i did some working at GAPland and then came home had a beer and fell asleep and then sunday the mother unit came out with a new microwave for bitch and i and it is perfect because we had a real shitty one before that had this broken door ejector and i always would not stand in the kitchen when it was going because i just envisioned radiation pouring out of the hole and the thing would only make half assed bags of popcorn and i would get so upset with the stupid microwave because i know the radiation that leaked out could have helped make a better bag of popcorn but all i was getting was seeds and probably the beginning of tumor but this one allowed all the seeds to pop because it is a beautiful microwave. when she left i drank and fell asleep again. then bitch came home from work and i made some mean deep fried perogies because that is what i do i deep fry anything these days if i could i would deep fry sex but something about sever burns turns me off that idea anywayanyway we got stoned and i fell asleep totally forgetting to iron and shave so i had to wake up early this morning and so my alarm went off at 5:25am and bitch was all YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME and i ignored him and made coffee. i hate ironing in the morning.

lost with a letter 'pee'

-so last night i was all I AM DETERMINED TO FINISH SEASON ONE OF LOST and so when i got home i just started watching it and i was not impressed because it is more fun to watch when you are drinking and then as if the gawds were tuned in i get a phone call from bitch saying he has had a stressful days lets go get beer and i was all WELL I CANT WATCH LOST but i saw more priority in drinking.... i mean with bitch that is so we went to our lil favorite spot on commericial and drank a pitcher and HELLO they were watching LOST on the big screen in the restaurant. so we finished our beer and got a six pack for home and i continued to watch season one and dave went to bed and i stayed up but sleep was totally winning its battle as it always does and then i fell asleep and woke up at 1:00am and my boxers were wet and so was my t-shirt and i thought i had pissed myself and i felt the couch and it was not even wet so i was like WTF I HAVE TALENT I CAN PISS MYSELF BUT NOT GET THE COUCH SOAKED IN URINE and i was sorta proud and then i saw a beer can on the floor and i smelled my shirt and it was just beer i spilled when i fell asleep. i was sorta dissapointed.

-i have decided that lost needs some gay people with hawt slow motion masturbation scenes becuase i know if i were on that island i would so sneak off and totally masturbate with the polar bears while thinking of jug fucking hurleys man breasts! HAH. i jest.

..

you can tell life is all slow when i am still fucking talking about that shit show LOST.

chachacha

lost with a letter 'a'

-everyday i am taking transit and it blows but since i am not having a car well then its better than walking so every morning i am on the same bus and i recognize the same people and i just keep to myself but what i am not understanding are the people who do recognizing of you as well and feel since you take the same bus as them at the same time then for surely you have something in common to talk about but i disagree since lady you chew your gum like a mad cow which is a huge pet peeve, you dress like you are going to a club to pick up some 19 year old boy and all you do is bitch about the bus drivers and how you are thinking they have plotted a conspiracy to not pick you up which the more you talk to me i am starting to believe because you are fucking annoying. when i am having headphones in and i do not take them out when you walk up that means i would rather listen to my music first thing than talk to your bleach blond ass because i am too hung over to even fake socialize and i am only able to nod and smile and say OH YEAH so many times... i just noticed this is sort of turning into a letter to her

sincerly,
J.

-last night i got accidently drunk watching the first season of lost on dvd that my coworker lent me and i sorta love the show but at the same time hate it because they complain about no water but hi if they watched bill nye the science guy they would have had it all figured out but whatev and bitch came home late because he went out for dinner with his supervisor and he comes in and he was like HAVE YOU MET KYLE WHO I WORK WITH and i said no is he gay and he says YAH AND HES TOTALLY LOVES MIA LIKE I DO AND HE IS SO NICE AND COOL and i was all YOU ARE SO GOING TO CHEAT ON ME and he said TOTE WHALES which in our stupid fag talk means 'yes'. as long as he pays rent i am cool.

au blade

-friday night sucked. it sucked bad.
i was staying at home to do laundry and drink rye and at like 9:30pm i remembered i forgot to upgrade someone to a business class flight so i slipped on jeans and sweatshirt and went downtown to do late night last minute office shit. so i do it and leave calling bitch to let him know what i was doing. he convinces me to go out with him and friend anike to au bar which is complete meat market and not the meat i like like genoa salami or filet mignon or penis, but more like a whole lot of pussy not coverd up by ugly short skirts that were so last year. anywayanyway i left because i was like FUCK THIS THIS AINT MY SCENE even though bitch was paying for my beers so note i had about 3 beers in me. i leave and goto the bus stop. i am waiting and then some sketchcase walks up and whispers in my ear GIVE ME YOUR SHIT!@# i turn around and bluntly told him to go fuck him self and that i have no 'shit' to give him to piss off and he proceeds to verbally convince me that i need to hand over my 'shit' which he is referring to my wallet. not being in the best of moods as is i had a low tolerance and i told him blatently once again to suck my cock and to get out of my face which he replied with a head butt to the side of my face. i replied with a fist to his chest which he stumbled back and then said FINE I WILL TAKE IT THIS WAY and then he pulled out a fucking 6inch pocket knife. i told him he was fucked, shoving him again and crossed the street. he followed and so i crossed back and almost got hit by cars and then he just walked away.

i did not think much of it until the next morning and i was like THAT IS SOME STUPID SCARY SHIT.

i still feel safer downtown middle of the night than what i do in surrey in the middle of the day though.

-this 'post secret' makes me want to change careers

drawing shitty koreans

-it is that time where i have nothing to say but i just want to click that orange button that says publish post so when i have nothing to say and i want to press that button i drag up old shit from the past because i am not creative to come up with new shit at this moment. i say shit alot. i just sent an email to someone with admiration type words and i still was able to use the word shit like 3 times. sexy times!@#

* * *

1.27.o3 (korean patient picture)
-so i am doing my talkity typing at the same korean web cafe i goto when i am downtown and when i came in i was going to the computer i normally sit at but when i passed the counter, the korean computer master girl started to doing some waving of her hands and say something but i am thinking because i do not know korean i did not understand her but then korean computer master girl pointed at her computer and showed me that the 'mother' computer was reloading so i assumed i had to do waiting. she did say SIT which was in english not korean so i followed her instructions to sit unless she was trying to say SHIT but i do not think so because she did not seem angry or anything. while waiting for the korean computer master girl to work her kung fu on the mother computer so i could start my internet magik talkity typing, i started to watch some animated movie they have on and it is in korean i think but it is some weird stuff... it had these weird looking panda type creatures running around but the panda creatures had sorta beaver like tales and they started running through this big ol bon fire and when they came out they rammed their heads into the panda-beaver like creature ahead of them and it looked like one big ol rimming chain and then they all morphed into this dragon and then more panda-like creatures started running and jumping into these bubbles where they then did some weird anime morphing of pumpkins or some squash like thing and i said HOLY KOREAN TRIPPYNESS and suddenly my computer came on and i was then all happy like because my brain was hurting watching the weird movie and it was making me want to go out and do some cheap acid and read a timothy leary book. crazy koreans...



-this is a new drawing i just recently finished that i am somewhat proud of. normally i would not be doing postings of my drawings but lately i was on this massive creative block where nothing was flowing through the brain to the hands to draw anything but one day after some form of catalyst i sat down and started to draw and then i actually started to paint again but not so much right now because i am broke and out of white paint. but ya....

* * *

-i look back at that and realize i will always have some problem with wanting to paint but not getting it done. whatev. i also look at that drawing and wonder why my head was so far up my ass in terms of my shadowing and colouring and stuff. wtf. self critisisisisms is the best.

burning deep fried pussy

-i am housesitting and everytime i housesit for skwirl the building is visited by fire trucks but thankfully it is not due to my pyro tendacies. this time i was sitting on the couch watching tv and i went out for smoke and when i go out the people across the way are trying to start their bar-b-q and when they get it lit all of a sudden a huge flame grows and just keeps burning. i sorta watched in a half daze not really caring and then one of them noticed me and was all HEY ANY IDEA WHAT TO DO... and i just shrugged and said turn the gas off and they said they had then i said stand back just in case and then they stopped talking to me which is fine. cut to 25 minutes later the thing is still shooting flames and fire trucks show up. it was funny watching 4 firemen deal with one out of control bar-b-q. they were not even hawt.

-for some reason i am all about deep frying shit well not actual shit but food but a variety of food which for some reason i thought of randomly when i was hung over but i took perogies and boiled them then battered them with egg and rolled them in cracker crumbs with garlic salt and deep fried it and jesus H christ that was good eating... then yesterday i tried the same but with tortellini and that was so good too and then i weighed myself and i have jumped to 143 pounds. last time i weighed myself was when i last house sat in november and i was a mere 125 pounds... i am like american and shit. SUPER SIZE!@#

-the cats though... driving me crazy. they are cute, and i love cats but the one needy cat will pounce on me like at 6:30 in the morning each day... its crazy and sits and purrs and meows in my face and so i think he is hungry and i check the bowl and it is full and the water bowl is full and then i check the cat box thinking maybe he is not liking the fullness of it but it isnt full because i cleaned the other night. he just wants attention at 6:30 in the morning. fucking thing... its too cute to throw across the room so i just lightly pet him which quiets him down and then eventually roll out of bed looking for coffee only to find decaf in the cupboards.

picking the drunken wallet out

-friday night rolled around and i was all like i am needing to go out since bitch was sick and i was feeling alright i decided to go out so i called friend mr. lea who just got a new job being bartender man and i was all like SWEET A NEW PLACE I CAN GET DRUNK AND PASS OUT UNDER THE TABLE OF and he was like for sure. so we went to the cambie and drank. then friends bucci and randy man came but were stuck in the line so we left and went to the bourbon and then we drank more. in the beginning of the night i told friend mr. lea that my new years resolution was to make no resolution and to develop that voice in my head that says SELF I AM THINKING YOU HAVE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK because i seem to lack that voice and all friend mr. lea would do was put his finger to my lips and go shhhh and pass over the shot of whatever the waitress brought us. from there it is all blurry. i made it home on my own accord i assume by taxi and apparently we hit up two other places of drinking establishments and ya but not in that order or course. good times. i went to work the next morning and i knew i reeked like last nights beer so i ate a bunch of garlic paremsean pretzel balls and everybody said i stunk like garlic.

-bitch apparently went out too. i misssed like 36 phone calls from him. my phone was on silent. oh well. and ya. he went to some club with some friends and while out side some homeless lady ran into him and then ran. she jacked his wallet. can you believe it. i can not. poor shit has had the worst luck with his wallet. my mother unit says she is going to personally sew zippers to every article of clothing of his that has a pocket. anywayanyway he walked all the way home and then got a phone call from his friend and apparently homeless lady wallet picker walked by the club again and a bouncer who saw what happened earlier grabbed her and demanded the wallet back and he got it back and then gave it to bitchs friend to bring back to him. so he has his wallet again with nothing gone. jesus eff'ing christ. that kid has a horse shoe up his ass.

-i am house sitting from friend skwirl because her and her husband went to huatulco. i sent them there. they have two cats and one is a very needy cat who wants attention and is standing right in front of the key board and is getting hair into my beer so i am going to stop but since they have internet you will see more posts from me this week~~!

raindrops of lemon gawds

-on my way to work this morning i saw some business guy riding a unicycle in a rain coat and a briefcase. i was all starting to think i was having a relapse of my drug days gone bad but i started to notice that other people were looking at this weird sight. he had a helmet on so at least he was riding safe in the rain. it was quite surreal for 8:ooam.

-after i got over the 'new-years-3-day-my-head-is-e'ffing-hurting-headache-hangover' i got sick. massive head cold sick where every fluid is pouring out of your face. nose starts running and then the eyes are all like hey that is looking like fun lets leak too so they do and the end result is a trash can full of tissue and people asking why i am crying. when my eyes are all watering and red though they turn this really funky light color blue and people say i have amazing eyes but then i blow my nose and they walk away disgusted. every night i have been double dosing on neo citron and that shit is a gawd send. i love it!@ and it puts me out like i have been drinking 8 beers straight but minus the possibility of me pissing the bed. dreams are a little fuckered but hey it creates an upswing for my levels of creativity come the next painting. i think i may drink it on a normal basis but bitch says then it will stop working so i am not sure. it is good though. 3 days later i only have one nostril slightly plucked and sometimes on my in-breath it makes a weezing sound and i try and create a beat and then i feel like i am going to faint so i stop. bitch now has the cold. HAH.

bitch lost

-nothing really cryptic about my title today. nope. where to begin... bitch lost:

~earlier last week he lost his wallet. troublesome since all his ID and other important little pieces of plastic are in that wallet. including oh did i mention his picture ID that he would need if we were to goto hawaii (we are planning on for either february or may). also not to mention that we were going to a club that night to celebrate a friends birthday but a little hard to do with no ID since club _____ has been known to have 'gang' trouble so they are tight with the whole identification thing. anywayanyway we eventually got in long story but ya.

~not in bitch's wallet (thank gawd) was his birth certificate. he was smart and kept that seperate. he was waiting for his new visa to come in to go get new picture ID because all you need is your birth certificate and a credit card or something and boom. new picture ID. we go to a pub and he brings his birth certificate with him to get in. he really does not need because the people we go with are huge uber regulars so we glide in with no problems. long story short the next morning he has lost his birth certificate, and cell phone (we wont mention he lost it possible dragging my ass out of a cab but ya).

~so he is ID'less completely and no phone. he goes out for dinner with his manager on sunday night and borrows my only umbrella.
next morning i go to grab my umbrella which is no longer in sight. he lost that too the night before and lo and behold it is turrential down pour of rain and i am eff'd. i get to work drowned in my new wool dress pants. hawt.

suddenly the gawds for whatever reason decide to smile on dave. a call from a cabby informs us that he has bitch's phone. he scrolled through the numbers on the phone and called bitchs parents and ya. with the phone... his birth certificate as well. enter massive sigh of relief. i was expecting someone to find it at a scene of a murder or something and ya mind you i would have ended up with the bed by myself which is always nice sometimes.
then within 10 hours he gets a call from translink... they have his wallet!@#! i am personally amazed. only thing taken was his bus pass.

regardless i am going to start stapling shit to him in the worst way.

year of da baycon

-firstly and foremostly happy new year. oh and merry christmas and all those other fucking holidays that everybody apparently needs to recognize at this time of year because the other religions are feeling left out anywayanyway

what a christmas. i will be honest and say i was all looking mad forward to the present situation to a point where bitch and i agreed that we have not felt like that since we were kids. i am thinking it was because my mother unit kept saying encouraging things like I HAVE BOUGHT SO MUCH FOR YOU THAT I NEED TO PUT SOME OF IT IN DAVES NAME and I BOUGHT YOU A 32 INCH TV FOR CHRISTMAS BUT I DID NOT WRAP IT SO I THOUGHT I WOULD TELL YOU NOW so you can see why i was all hyped up. normally christmas at my house is a "tight" or "not expensive" christmas but my parents always rocked at making it a special day regardless especially with the meal. but as i said this year i was all GIMME MY SHIZNIT!@# because my mother and father were in a position where they could financially spoil their children...

so the tv rocks. huge. 12 cup super nice coffee maker blak and stainless steel. hawt. new electric shaver one of them triple head things that actually take the whiskers off the face. loves it. pots and pans including a new hawt square frying pan good for bacon. new nice knife set. sharp. trust me. family guy volume 3 and tattoo gift certs ... thanx skwirl!@#!
so ya it kicked ass.
bicth got me a new cell phone which is sweet because everytime i used my old one i would bitch that it was a piece of shit. but not this new one.... its sexy silver sleek.

on to come... new years.

i am still recovering from a headache that is like 3 days straight its cool though

went to some house party out in the suburbs and it was good but there was like 3 countdowns or some shit and then i fell asleep. woke up at my friends house and went home with bitch. on the way home we bought more beer and spent like 8 bucks on bacon because the grocery store was closed for some stupid reason but whatev so we went back home and continued to drink and when you are hung over to begin with you get trashed at ultra speed so i was hammed by 1:30 yelling 2006 MUTHAFUCKER YEAR OF THE BACON because we cooked that bacon but i do not even remember eating it and i talked to some people but i do not remember and bitch was getting annoyed with me so he kept telling me to shut up and drink my beer or he was going to dump it so i drank it quick and then i fell asleep and that was his plan for me to shut up. he can be a cunning little shit though stupid at times (like losing his wallet on the bus).

i woke up hung over bad the next day and did nothing. bitch went to work and i watched tv all day grabbing at my pounding head. it is still pounding but i think it is trying to rebuild all those memory things i seemed to have lost due to that weekend. good times!!@#!

effing the gang bang

-for those who are not knowing i was born in surrey. many people when hearing the word surrey they cringe because they instantly visualize car thefts, really ugly and cheap hookers and just overall badness. not all surrey is bad but it does have a reputation. it taught me to swear when i was 6. actually i just repeated my parents. my parents i love. they just like to swear. so i developed the love of swearing. but i credit it to surrey. i joke around that i came out of the womb saying "fuck that hurt" but that was because i was born breech (sp?) but that is a whole different story for a different time. this time it is about swearing.

at christmas time retail stores go and hire massive amounts of people for christmas. so crapland has been infected with all these people who are new. i dislike new people... well not all of them just the ones who make themselves way to comfortable on their first day (ie. hey buddy hows it going? where you from what do you also do in spare time wanna go for drinks some time whats your name by the way?) i dislike those people. i do not need new friends, especially ones still in high school unless you are cute then maybe i will plug you from behind while you are grabbing some khakis off the floor but again that is not friendship that is me just taking care of an itch. anywayanyway i like to make the ones i dislike uncomfortable. using words like fuck shit asshole douche bag and the conjunction of the two words 'gang bang' do wonders for peoples level of comfort. my manager pulled a bunch of us aside and said she is putting in place a language policy in the back room because one of the new hires complained that she was uncomfortable.

**
manager: so someone complained that she was uncomfortable about the use of bad language in the back room (keep in mind we are watching the family guy on the tv in the back room while she is saying this...).

me: so fucking what...

manager: so we have put in place a language policy

me: your shitting me

manager: so we can not say things like that

me: whatever just fire the bitch then... i mean your gonna let her go anyway at the end of christmas.

manager: it is because we care about peoples levels of comfort. so no more rap with bad language and no more dvds with inapproriate words and no more swearing.

me: this is bullshit

manager: (looks at me all stern like)

me: well just you wait you will have a fucking mutiny on your hands... (as i walk away)
**

i banged my elbow the other night and uttered SHIT as a manager walked by

me: FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO SWEAR.. oh shit i did it again... oh gawd damn it i can not stop. (i proceed to laugh)

she just walked away clearing her throat. hah.

for some reason the managers have a certain level of tolerance with me and i can get away with insulting-verbal-murder. i think it is because they know i will call them on stupid shit (meaing i have a back bone in life). but i also think because some of them swear worse then me so they can not scold me for my mouth. i should have been fired long ago but i guess they also see that i am good at what i do but i am just 'inappropriate' at times and turn the blind eye or deaf ear or whatev is the proper term.

i sorta get off in a weird way on being mildly insubordinate...

i am currently on a mission to find the bitch that is all uncomfortable and break her spirit in the most possible way without swearing. i think gestures of fellatio and cunnilingusuguslinggus will do the trick and then just deny everything claiming she is mental mutant with an horrible and slanderous imagination

boxing thank you

-when i was all little and crazy i would be a massive ball of energy several days before christmas. i would sit by the tree and gaze at it all excited like and just unable to sleep until christmas. over the years that excitement has been slowly robbed and stolen away with retail. i normally enjoy retail as most of the year people are all nice like with the exception of the odd asshole or twat who thinks you are 1000 leagues below them. i can deal.

at this time of year though, the majority of you shoppers out there are assholes. inconsiderate pricks. selfish. and out right nasty.

you all seem to forget that people in retail are there to serve you. to help your shopping experience a bit easier. but you all seem to use us as your emotional punching bags because you are pissed off that the mall is so bloody full of shoppers. it aint my problem so lay off.

me: did you want a gift receipt with the sweater?

customer: yes. and NO TAX. and give me a box?!
(i love the deliberate non-use of please and thank you)

me: unfortunately we ran out of boxes for sweaters... all i have are these small ones?

customer: you HAVE to be kidding me!?!?!

me: (raises eyebrow) ma'am i am sure i can find better things to humor you with other than the size of my box...

customer: welll.. I DONT WANT THAT!!! just give me a paper bag then!!!

me: sure thing. by the way merry christmas!
...
see i do not understand.

if you people are that adamant to go shopping even though you are a complete douche bag do us a favor and go drown yourself in some medicated happy pills and then come see me. you will be more entertaining.

i know that will not happen and being in retail i need to just grin and bare it so i will still wish you a merry christmas even though most of you do not even deserve the time of day as i fantasize about stabbing you in the throat with my name tag.

i can not wait until boxing day. i get to work 9am to 6pm.
good times.

again.... merry christmas!

hippawhatdefuck

-i am not sure where the hell i have been for the last many years that apparently this song has been out but i am quite fucking annoyed with that bloody hippo christmas song. i have never heard this song before at least that i do not remember and if i had it did not stick in my memory drawers but this year this song is rampant and driving me nuts. to further my craziness bitch has made it apart of his voicemail. needless to say bitch has not received a voicemail from me in ages due to the fact i hang up after three rings as i can not hear that silly cow scream that she want a hippopotamus for christmas and not rhinocerasususus and on and on.

i would rather hear dominik the italian christmas donkey over and over again... and that song is shit.

pictoral interlude - spilling the cheer

-i am knowing the pictures are like of the same people over and over again but i love those girls something fierce. dey my sistas!

bare foot beauty remix

-bitch and i went to some christmas party on saturday night which was at our friends ameta's place. if you scroll down to the pictoral interlude that is ameta with big red hair. anywayanyway sooo much fun. white girls sucks because when you tell them you want a fierce photograph they can not pull one out for the life of them. a black girl can be pull fierce off even if she's puking. i loved this party. i have not downloaded pictures yet but i will and there will be another pictoral interlude. some highlight:
*drowning in ameta's breasts
*having wine spilt all down my shirt and socks
*bare foot the rest of the night
*passing out
*waking up to find that ameta's three year old took advantage of my sleeping person and gave me a make over with blush, eye shadow and everything. i was the belle of the ball on the skytrain at 7:30am the next morning in my hung over state. that shit is hard to get off.

-i went shopping yesterday and i was in chapters buying stuff and when i was in line i saw on the 'impulsive buyers shelf' (the shelf right by cash that you look at while waiting in line) and i saw a cd called holiday classic remixed. it looked alright and i purchased it. it is an amazing christmas cd. everyone should go buy it. seriously... its all sorta classic songs redone with a bit of jazzyier feel and looped differently and just overall good. if you are tired of hearing the same ol christmas songs you will love it.

pictoral interlude - gathering of the models top

cutest girl i have ever seen...

macadamian perspiration

-stressful times. i had like a miniture breakdown at work. it was sexy. my skin gets all red and scratchy looking when i get all not so nice stressed. i eagerly await this holiday season to be over well at least when people have all flown to their little tropical destinations and leaving me alone and then when they are coming back it will be my turn to go away and bitch and i are going to hawaii. sexy huh.

-last night, and i have no idea why, but i was all sweaty and i am not sure what spurred the sweatyness other than that i was hot from the blankets but anyway i woke up and i was so sweaty i thought bitch or myself pissed the bed. i was lying there at like 3am sniffing. it smelt weird but i think that may have been bitch. he sleeps nude. i personally can not because when i wake up i want to smoke and having to dress myself is just a process i can skip by not sleeping nude.

-when i was eating dinner at my parents i could not help but notice my little brothers arms. HUGE. when he was in high school he got picked on quite bit because kids in the school systems are mean assholes to people who are different but anyway he figured out that if he worked out he would not get picked on. he did not but that was because he was caught holding some kid up by the neck against a locker simply inquiring why the kid was bothering him. at the point people left him alone. anyway he has kept working out as my parents bought him weights and stuff since he actually showed an interest in something (autistic kids show interest in few things but when they do they are incredibly and freakishly knowledgable about that interest). so at dinner i was picking on him...

...fucking kid hauled off and nailed me something fierce.
mind you i did egg him on as his first punch totally missed so i was all COME ON FREAK HIT ME HARDER YOU BITCH and then he did just that.

snowing pricks

-i am at my parents today because my mom wanted dave i mean bitch to come over to have dinner because my mom has done all these renovation type things but i am just here for the free home cooked dinner and we are having meat loaf. i love meat loaf. my little brother was wathcing tv with us as we were discussing something and just randomly asked WHAT IS A PECKER?! my mom and i laughed because we did not know how to answer. it was so funny. so after we finished laughing my mom said ITS YOUR PRICK and he asked what a prick was. autistic kids are fucking hilarious.

-its snowing outside and i love it but i say i hate it but i do not because when it stops i have that little voice that moans OHHHHHHHH.