alpaca sun

-so i am back from vegas. i have been here since sunday but i have been busy with work and i do not feeling like being all computer friendly when i come home from work but anyway vegas was great i am broke but i have a few new material items that i am loving and i have decided though i am done with vegas for a while 3 times within 2 years is enough and i can not stand all the skanks down there with their asses hanging out but yes i am not straight so maybe if it was guys in their briefs walking around just the hot ones then yes maybe i would sing a different song but the rudeness of the airhead dipshit chickypoos made shari and i crazy so we drank at the pool to make us feel better in the sun while it was snowing in vancouver.




see the guy in the striped shorts see if everyone in vegas was like that then yes please walk around with your ass hanging out and i will take care of you. shari and i loved this man even though his abs screamed high maintance but its all the same when their face is in a pillow yes. shari got some great spy shots of him. she is coming over tonight to give me swap pics so i will post those because i am a pervert.


the palazzo looks quite impressive at night.

our room. i love junior suites.

this is an alpaca and for some reason they were at the secret garden with tigers and dolphins. this guy was the epitome of cool and always looked alert but i would too if my area was right next to the snow white tiger.


awww... look at his face!!!

seigfried and roy are such homos...

we went and saw LOVE the cirque de soliel show and holy fucking shit what an AMAZING show. i say go if you are down there and yes tickets are expensive but it is worth it especially if you know at least one beatles song which everyone does so everyone should go.

viva promises

-oh my goodness i have today off and i am up at 6am but that is because i am going to vegas today and i get to stay here and while down there i get to go see this all in the name of work and i am just overall excited and my insides are doing the gurgling excited sound but i have to wait till 130 ugh i hate waiting.


-last weekend was insanity of rehab'ness and in rehab fashion we just got plain fuckered and it was great time and it took me several days to feel normal again except my calves are still screaming at me because we decided to go jogging in the woods since tanya is a fucking health freak ever since she started going to the gym and had a cute personal trainer so we went with her and i was hungover and did not know better and we ran and i am out of shape but tanya pointed out i run on my toes and that is why my calves are screwed they feel like rocks painful rocks on my legs with every step. stupid working out. here are just a few pictures of stretching, tights and chinese hats.



this was like the promises uniform


anyway off to open my suitcase and second ghuess every article of clothing i have packed so far and repack maybe about 4 more times because that is the way i roll.
kisses

rehab'ing 4 real

-when people have asked me what i am doing this weekend i keep saying rehab and i am not getting the response i want. instead i am getting the "oh yeah..." not the OMG REALLY I DID NOT REALIZE YOU HAD A PROBLEM but instead with the oh yeah's its like people know i have a problem and are like WHAT TOOK HIM SO LONG is what i know what they are actually thinking you assholes. but ya i am not going to a real rehab just a fake rehab to get fuckered. end story. rizza you can tote come for sure next time. let me know how tofino is though. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY (for the 14th)!@#$!

-i am steering away from work i do not know why i am just not feeling it today i guess and i came across pictures of bitch and i in disneyland from last june

look he had normal hair. he is getting his hair cut today and i said what are you doing to it and (rizza youll love this) he said "I HAVE A PLAN!" ok ok i know you have a plan but if that ski slope of a hairdo continues i have a plan of singledom. speaking of bitch and i will be celebrating (is that the right word for the occasion) 4 YEARS together. my gawd. i laugh because before i met bitch i went on a string of dates that i just kept putting out 1st date style and never get calls back and i do not know how to analyze that but anyway so when i went on a date with bitch my friend mr lea was like DONT PUT OUT so i did not and the rest is history. stupid experiment. love u bitch.

sleeping in sin with trash

-last saturday was one of the roughest ever ever and ya. i was not originally going to head into surrey to see my cat but had this crazy dream and i am not a crazy dream person and let the dreams dictate my life or anything like that but when you dream of your cat making its way to your apartment to say bye to you and you wake up with streaming tears of sadness you decide quite easily to go see her so i did and then on saturday morning i decided to goto the vet with her and i got to be in the room and gave her her final scratch behind the ear right where she likes and then she just went to sleep. i cried. hard. someone said it is like losing family but i said it is harder. for 18 years this cat did nothing wrong well except scratch me because i was pissing her off but i deserved it right and ya then you decide that it has to goto sleep now but ya. i'm sad and i miss her she was always something i would look forward to when visiting my parents but anywayanyway i did get some pictures of her on saturday morning before vet time but they make me sad looking at so instead i will put a picture of her sleeping in the cat nip plant that she loved.



-this weekend we are heading to amandas place in maple bumfucknowhere and it is this huge land and they call it promises as in promises rehab because we go there to get all messed up and love life and grass and trees and ponds you know. lalohan.

-and THEN on wednesday next week i am going to vegas and i am getting excited mind you our flights lick ass because i did not realize that my PRIZE had some tight ass restrictions so now shari and i are connecting through EDMONTON for 3 hours to get there but whatev its free. i just want to get away and forget everything for a few days. it is long overdue.

-later i will tell the story of the guy in the vet waiting room talking on the vets phone (cause he originally asked to use it to call the police but for some reason was calling them dad and mom) about people in the "country" of surrey are after him and how he his selling COCAINE (he would say it really loud too) to just stay off the street and he is not sleeping with joe's mom and i wanted to rip his face off but in surrey you just do not know you know and so my mom was like jared you should go outside and i was like no and i gave the guy harsh squint eye like FUCK OFF I AM ABOUT TO PUT MY CAT DOWN AND YOU ARE TAINTING THE EMOTION WITH OUT RIGHT ANGER AND I AM NOT HAPPY and then he eventually left after calling his dad a goof for complaining that he is always asking for money and i was like WHAT THE FUCK because the whole time the reception lady was not there so it was just my mom and i who got to witness that and then he comes back and asks where a pay phone was and i was like OUTSIDE YOU SHOULD GO USE IT and he was like really i did not see one and i said ITS THERE AROUND THE CORNER YOU SHOULD GO USE IT and he was like thanks and walked away and i still wanted to suffocate him with a bag of dog food. then my dad came out of the other room after the dogs check up and saw my mom and i and was like WHATS WRONG and we both rolled our eyes. so that was just the story. the end.

patches

-i just finished speaking with my parents and they are asking if it is okay to put down my cat that lives at their place because she is old like 18 years old and i totally understand and knew it was coming but i can not stop crying and it is the annoying crying where the tears just wont stop and i totally understand why they asked because she is losing weight like mad and she is now completely blind and is falling off counters and they do not want her to get hurt and my dad asked if i wanted to go out to surrey to see her and i said no just please put her down and that was the hardest thing to say because i do not want to be selfish and have her possibly hurt herself between now and then since she apparently is losing balance and almost fell off the staircase from the second floor last night. i do not even have the energy to go searching for a bunch of nice pictures of her to post because it will make me more upset and teary and snot filled. i just keep remembering how when i was living at home and i would come home bummed out because of some trivial aspect of life she always found me and would sit in my lap and i would pet her and she would purr because no matter what she loved me and that made her the best cat. i am quite sad right now.
update: i found one

weekend pasta trip of sin

-i had a good weekend. friday was margaret cho and she was fucking hilarious of course. the opening act was some dude dressed as a female singing about shoes and is this huge youtube thing but i am not sure why and i have not looked for him on youtube because like i said i was not huge into it ya and then cho came out and she is awesome in that she is completely and utterly gay friendly or as she would say queer. the show had me laughing the whole night but the ONE thing i could have done without was the lezbian behind us because each time the words 'pussy' '2-way-dildo' 'eat me out' or anything vaginally related she fucking yelled with joy and it was like yes we get it your lezbian you do not see me yelling everytime she says penis. shut up. but then i laughed and it was okay.

saturday was lets have the regulars over and drink and shari was here and we made pasta and loved photos.


shari thought the garlic smell was coming from me...






then the night got messy.

sunday bitch was like lets go somewhere so we went to granville island



and then it sank it that it was sunday. so i did what every one does on sunday when they realize it is sunday.
buy candy.
lots of it.

and that crazed look is because when i was standing there i realized i just spent $9.87 on candy by accident because scooping out your own candy bag is overwhelming and fun and saddening all in one big burrito.
so i did what i normally do.


-in other news i am going to las vegas on april 17 with shari and staying at the palazzo for 3 nights and i am so excited at how this all worked last minute. it was supposed to be florida but for certain reasons that is not all fitting in the picture so last minute molded this and i am happy. i love my job.

foot-a-diddle cho slave ID

-tonight is cho.!!@# i am prepared to laugh.

-bitchs foot is better. it was just a sprain. i am still irritated with st.pauls and how much of a joke that hospital is. we wait and wait and wait and after 6 hours i am like HELLO and then one lady is like let me find another doctor and it turns out the one originally looking at bitch had just left i dunno i guess she had a yoga class to attend. fucking bitch. anyway. so after 6 hours a doctor who looks like santa in off season told him it was just a sprain use crutches yada yada. he will be working next week good because i can not afford life for the both of us.

-since his foot has been on the notsogood side i have tried to be a very nice bf and help him with stuff and if he needs a glass of water i will go get it for him as long as he says please if he does not then i do not respond to him and then he will try to slide in the please after and i still will not respond because i want it in a full sentence with no delay like he means it so he will then repeat himself and i will glare at him but get him a glass of water but this morning he was walking around sans crutches so i pulled out the laundry hamper and said YOU CAN DO LAUNDRY TODAY so now i get to catch up on the slave driving. the lowest point was when he asked me for a qtip. i laughed and kept watching tv.

-when i get ID'd these days i think it is cute and i usually do the playful smile roll of the eyes like YES OF COURSE BUT THANK YOU and hand over the ID well last night i was walking up commercial and the weather decided to dump another heavy load of massive hail while i was walking because the weather is all fucked up like that lately this morning it was snowing hardcore then stopped and the sun peaked out and now its cloudy and i think tonight we will have a heat wave anywayanyway i was walking in the hail and i make it to the liquor store in time before closing and i grab a 8pack of moosehead and goto the counter and there is this girl i have never seen working and she asks for my ID and i did the playful smile roll of the eyes like YES OF COURSE BUT THANK YOU but when i looked in my pockets i did not bring my ID because I just brought cash not debit and i carry my debit with my ID and i then had the horrified look like NO I DONT HAVE IT and i say AUGUST 31 1980 quickly to prove i know my birthday and she gave me the sorry shrug and i was like FINE and she said THANKS FOR TAKING IT SO WELL and when she said that i wanted to turn around and smack her face with the 8 pack but i just left and hauled my ass off to the waldorf where i knew i would not get denied since they are like family since i have moved in the hood. i should have just gone there first so moral of the story is that yes getting ID'd is cute and flattering when you have your ID but when you do not it is the most obnoxious and irritating thing especially when you do not have time to grab the ID and go back and throw it in her face and be like SEEEEEEE all 18 year old'ish even though i am 10 years plus that. i mean moral of the story is just goto the beer and wine where everybody knows your name. or just bring your ID.

short

-so remember when ya well bitch hurt it again and it is because when he broke it back when he never wore the boot like he was supposed to so i am positive that it never healed properly and so now he is a cripple and he did it from doing the queef at the met.

message stroke

-another random thing with eyes.

and this is forming into something i think...


-i am starving and it is saturday morning and i want bacon. and it is really sad right now because i brought home my old computer from work since we got new ones and bosslady was just going to throw out the old ones and i was like NO i will take it so i did and just wiped out alot of stuff and it works great and now i can talk to bitch by msn and it remains quiet i like that i just sent him a message saying lets go eat breakfast and i will treat and he is like WHY CANT WE JUST TALK hah shhhhhh...
the other night we went out with shari. she is visiting us more often. i like that because i have known shari foreverever. we went to our watering hole.



and we ate. and drank. and then we left.

total beer bloat + chilly = perfect photo.

and i love this because it is symbolizing my awesome power of talking and making annoying sounds and the reaction from people near me. she loves me still though. shes seen wore as well.


-i have noticed commercials on tv where there is someone singing i guess someone who is very mildly popular about a province. i have seen ontarios and i think it was some other east coast province but they are funny and i guess supposed to boost tourism but the marketing is obviously aimed at a demographic i do not fall into and mine is psuedo-married-white-gay-twenty-something-with-drinking-problem-who-works-and-stress'-too-much.
whoa i just found one for ontario but in 1984

oh oh i got excited when i saw one for bc too but it sucks. you can not follow the ontario one.
the swans were fucking ridiculous though. i am going to have that stuck in my head all day ONNNTAAARRRIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOO.

-bitch is getting dressed so i guess that was a yes to the 'lets go eat' request. bye

six tings

-bitch and i went to a new restaurant on commercial called the reef and it was good we had their JAH dip which is like spinach artichoke dip with jalepeno and then tacos with jerk chicken. their stuff on the menu was split into groups of 'tings' and i thought that was cute because it is like a caribbean person saying the word things and then on i painted and then hung out with shari and then i fell asleep.




-a while ago rizza tagged me to do this thing where i talk about 6 things so um here.

1-i was born breech. i am not sure why but whenever i have to tell people an odd fact i like to share that information because i think it is funny and then people will put two and two together and see the obvious stupid humor in it and then everyone is slightly less uncomfortable and then people talk more because they think hey whatever at least i am not a gay who was born breach. haha ooooooh frank..



2-i have smoked for almost 12 years and i am only 27 and when i say that to myself it makes me feel like quiting in a big way. its fucking gross to be honest. but i have tried and i fail but i think i need patches and gums or whatever just help because cold turkey is so like nicotine masocism. it sucks. i would like to say this will be the year but for sure before 30. whoa as i am typing i am thinking and i have made the promise to myself in my head and i feel good about it. good.

3-i would love to quit my job and just paint and live off that. nothing to deep about this pretty self explanitory. i like painting and lately it has felt good and feeling good about stuff is a thing of awesome overall.

4-if and when i have a child i am one of those vain assholes that would have to name my child with a name that begins with a J because i am self absorbed and i of course like the letter J so my child should have a name with a J but not jared that is over the line but for sure J. bitch this is not up for discussion. if there are two the second one is yours. enjoy.

5-i wish i could break the habit of making mental lists. i make them all the time. i wake up and i a)need to make coffee b)shave c)iron d)grab any files from work and stuff in bag and then i go to work and then i make more lists of what to do and then when i leave i need to go shopping for a)butter b)milk c)sugar d)TP e)qtips etc etc and then when i am heading home i think i need to a)do laundry b)iron c)set up coffee maker for the next morning d)do some work and pull out the files from the bag to remind yourself to work and then i fall asleep because i am exhausted from the lists and repeat.

6-when i first meet people i am so extremely socially nervous and inwardly awkward that i say weird things to be funny and it does not work so then i drink alot and then so if i ever meet you and i start to drink it is because i am nervous because i like new people who are interesting. if i do not drink i am not interested in you in anyway or i may just be sleeping because i do that but usually after drinking.

unkink II - (proof) show your work

-as further proof all i did this weekend was this guy not like did in sex but did in like painting and squinting and standing back and liking. this is one of my favorites so far.

unkink cho bush

-back in high school art class i was a creative little fucker. i would draw and sketch all the time and one term i had art the whole day which was heaven because then i would go out at lunch and get stoned and produce some of the best art and my teacher loved me and one time she gave me back my sketch book assignments and she gave me 99/100 and i asked what had i done wrong to lose the one mark from perfect and she says no one is perfect because everyone will always improve with their art if they keep practising needless to say i loved that women and she was the one to introduce me to salvador dali. anyway come graduation and then just life in general the creative flow just sorta stopped. i periodically will draw something here and there but nothing extreme. the odd idea to paint. then everything gets put away again for like 3 months because i am stumped mentally and i grab a drink which i can easily assume probably is the reasoning for the deadening creative'ness. i am not sure what has happened maybe because i have a rule of no drinking on weekdays nows but lately i have just been thinking of all these great things to produce in the art way and i am loving it. it is like when you were a kid and you would have the garden hose and your older brother would kink it so the water would stop coming out and then you would cry and cry until mom came out and scolded your brother and then let the kink go and the water just comes flying out again that is what it is like but in my head. and so i picked up the paint brush again in i do not know how many months and started small because i have some big ideas i need to bring to life... so i started with random animals because i am good at that.


addition:


its a teabag with eyes. because i put eyes on everything. surprise dawn. yes you will get this soon.

and this is one ..

is going to be the big brother of this guy, remember him.


at this rate i can think of having my own art show instead of just going to them. mind you i am getting all crazy and trying to paint lines behind everything to make it all coheesive (sp?) but bitch says i do not need to because the style is apparent but this is coming from the kid who asks me where his robe is and he is standing on it.

-have i mentioned we are going to margaret cho in march. i love her. actually for some reason alot of gay people do. omg i am gay mainstream now!@#!

-i want to keep growing my facial hair out to a big bush. but i can not because of work. professional + face bush = invalid equation. but i love face bush because it hides my bad skin. when the weather gets warmer or colder from seasons my skin does this dry scratchy bullshit thing and i hate it. sorry face bush. each time i read my typing of "face bush" i think facebook. dear lord. can you imagine a face book dedicated to unmanaged face bush?!?