pictoral interlude - tango

-tangos got his own myspace.

trying to remember maui internet

-lately i have been missing hawaii something bad. it is all this horrible rainy weather i am sure but i am missing it and i want to go away. it was this time last year i was getting incredibly excited for hawaii even though i was not travelling until may but it was booked and signed and sealed and we were for sure going. i do not know where we are going to go this year... i am hearing rumblings of mexico and that would be fun because nothing like a week of nothing'ness and drinking and all inclusive are magical words meaning drink all you want.

not to mention i miss the tanning that was always fun in hawaii... and being called BRA. that was fun. i also miss the hawaiian people on the end of this huge pier thing in waikiki where there were these kids all sketched out and it made me think of DOG the bounty hunter and his crusade against crystal meth. that was fun.

and i miss when bitch and i were looking for some place to go hang out with other hawaii fags and some guy tried sending us to a porn shop that had glory holes in the bathroom because you know that was what i was looking for when i asked him HEY IF YOU WERE A FAG WHERE WOULD YOU GO TO HAVE FUN... that was fun. when i gave the guy colorful words back to his recommendation like YOU ARE SENDING US TO A PLACE WITH GLORY HOLES??!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY he called me bitchy after that. hah. that was funny. then we went to some gross gay club that was uber boring but the beer was cheap. that was sorta fun. we got sushi and beer after and ate that at our hotel listening to the big hula type music from below our room. that was fun. anway i am just missing hawaii...

-so as of wednesday bitch and i will have actual internet at our apartment not just psuedo internet that we are jackingoff some people who are stupid to leave their wireless connections open. but ya... so that is exciting not to have to hang my laptop half way out our bedroom window just to get a signal.

-at home during the evening i will be doing something and i will think HAH THAT WAS FUNNY I WILL TYPE THAT TOMORROW ON MY BLAWG and then come the next day i start to try and think of what that was because i remember it being super funny especially how i can twist it to make bitch look uber silly and me uber fucking genious but then i forget and i am left with shit to type about except about how i think of stuff to type but then forget. sorry.

todays day of the word: UBER (ooo-burrr). adjective: fag talk for BIG TIME or HARSH or INSANELY BIG.

ie-"bitch is an UBER fag..."

laser blahs and nativity wives

-this morning on the news they were talking about winter blahs and they did this story in toronto and i found it funny because its like their first snowfall and suddenly they are depressed...? um okay. but anyway they were interviewing this lady and they showed how she cures her blahness and it showed how she sits down opens her legs and sticks this thing in between and i was like THAT WILL CURE YOUR BLAHNESS ALL RIGHT but it was just a lamp and she stares at it.... um okay. the story would have been so much better if they recommendededed masturbating for the cure. i would have an excuse for the winter months suddenly too!!!

-on the weekend we went to the laser light show and the last time i went i was completely stoned and with a group of people who were on mushrooms and oh ya i was in like grade 10 so it was super fun back then but on the weekend i went sober and sans people of fungus and it fucking sucked. they played the beattles elenor rigby for christ sakes. um i like that song sure but for laser song effects that was a bad choice. i recommend you do not waste your money.

-i watched tv last night and there was this thing on hip hop wives and i learneded that snoop dog has a wife of like 20 years or something. i did not know that. it surprises me. not because he is all hot because he is not but that i have never heard of her before and she talks just like he does.. you know stoned.

-jabba the bitch learned that he is actually 1/4 native. HOLY CRAP huh? it has already gotten to his head because he does talking like DONT LITTER THIS IS MY LAND!! and I WILL GET SCHOOL FOR FREE BECAUSE YOUR PEOPLE BOUGHT MY PEOPLE OFF WITH BOOZE. so ya. it will be fun. i should call him jabba-hontas.

-see i have nothing significant to say so i just thought i would share some random stories all of which are true. except for me masturbating all the time. lately i have been lazy and too tired to even do that. oo maybe next time i will share the super secret coy way of shitting in public washrooms without making KERPLOOSH sounds. are you in suspense........?

relinquish the tango paint

-i just realized probably from now on and forever ever most of my little posts title things will revolve around tango because if you have not caught on i love him a lot. speaking of tango jabba the bitch with one statement uttered from his mouth has relinquished any ownership of tango because we were sitting there and we were looking at our hydro bill and i made some comment that with tango our hydro may be a bit more up there because we are always leaving his light on and filter and he said well we could have gotten the internet then and i turned to jabba and said all shocked SO YOU ARE SAYING YOU WOULD RATHER THE INTERNET THAN TANGO??????? and he said yes. so he has relinquishededed. i really like that word. i have not ever really used that i know of consciously and that night i turned and said I AM NOW SOLE PROPRIETOR AND YOU HAVE NOW RELINQUISHED ALL OWNERSHIP OF TANGO AND HE IS NOW MINE AND IF WE DIVORCE I GET CUSTODY to which he said TOTE. i do not know where the words relinquished and proprietor came from and i do not even know if they are used properly there but it sounded good and it confused jabba either that or his mind started to wander to food i am not sure but all i know is tango is mine. not ours. mine. hah. relinquished. when i type that word i picture squeezing soy beans and i do not know why but i just do.
-i just looked up the words proprietor and relinquished and i am fucking brilliant because i did proper usage.

-speaking of tango i am such a loser that i just got paid and instead of thinking things like beer, food, beer, beer, rye, beer and more food ... i am thinking things like stuff for tango. oy.

-i wish there was another painting jam tonight but as far as i know there is not but i want to go and use all my friends supplies again and paint something neat and have another friend see it and ask to buy it. that was cool. i have yet to sell a painting because i get all stupid and soft and just give them away but i need to stop doing that. from now on i am selling. no more giving. just selling. however keenan you can try and win it in a game of poker... just an idea...

-i am reading john irvings book Until I Find You because it came out in soft cover and i refused to buy it when it came out in hardcover because i am one of the picking book freaks and hates hardcover books but anywayanyway i forgot how much i love john irving and it is making me want to go back and read all of his other books which i have re-read like 3 times already one of my favorites being a prayer for owen meany which is a great book. i am not plowing through this book like i did the da vince code because with irving i like to savor his books. they are fucking great actually. highly recommend.

pictoral interlude - painting jam

-on friday night i went over to friend tylers and a bunch of met up and brought all our art supplies and shit and we just drank and paintededed.







-that is friend tyler... if you live in vancouver and pick up this months xtrawest you will see friend tyler on the cover talking about his comic strip about fags in vancouver called the brotherhood mind you the article is so full of it because like at one point it says tyler is a top. HAH!








and that was my final outcome but i am actually still touching up because near the end of the night when the drinks were sliding down my throat a little easier my attention span and any skill i may have diluted with the rye. but all in all it was fun doing this because it was neat seeing other peoples styles and skills and what the come up with like the computer programmer of the group did this thing with colorful swoops and then painted 1's and 0's all over the place. but ya good times. we are going to do this again and then open a gallary and be the richest group of fags you will ever know. more so than n'sync. mark my words people....

tango jabba paint

-that is a picture of jabba the bitch i took the other day to get my point across hah well no really i know it looks super life like but i actually just cut and paste bitch's head onto jabba haha i am great and i thought about putting it on the fridge to stop jabba the bitch from eating but knowing jabba it would just REMIND him to eat... so i veto'd that idea. jabba asked me if i thought he was fat but i said very nicely because i know how these questions go i said NO YOU ARE NOT FAT YES YOU HAVE GAINED A BIT OF WEIGHT AND I PREFER THAT ACTUALLY BUT NO YOU ARE NOT FAT and jabba said so you are saying i am fat and i was like NO... and then i stopped because it was going to go in circles and i did not him to get dizzy and get sick since he just finished two mini pizzas. he was eating tons because he had like 6 days off in a row. the other day he was walking and i called him WHAT ARE YOU DOING? and he said JABBA'S ON THE MOVE!!! and i laughed i though that was funny and then when he got home he said he had to eat to make up for all the calories he burnt off.... i am thinking he has seen some of my bear (as in big fat gay hairy guys not furry cute animals) porn and is thinking that is what i am all into. hah. sucka!!!

-um you all suck because not one of you said HEY I LOVE YOUR TURTLE and maybe because you think i do not actually own one well i do now own one and i know for sure because i spent all morning turkey basting all his turtle shit out of the tank. thank you for all your kind comments that you never sent or advise on how to take care of turtles or even stories about how you had a turtle and he died or something. whatev i love tango and so would you if you saw him in person.

update:sorry dawn i forgot that i did not post a picture.... now you suck it! hah. he is cute no?
update 2: actually i did post a picture of tango back on the 25th. i retract my apology. you all go back to sucking!!! but i will leave this one up just in case if scrolling down is too hard to do.


-i am going to a 'painting jam' that is what friend tyler is calling it so ya and i will let you know what i paint but since i am thinking tyler fucking stole the idea from when i told him i want to have painting parties with raymi so i am going to paint something and i will tribute it to raymi since she can not be there to slap tyler for stealing our idea.

new year da vinci couch

-happy new year. bah. i went to friend sharis for new years with bitch and we drank and i fell asleep on the dog bed. then sharis dad made us breakfast the next morning and it was good. the end.

-at christmas friend shari bought me a copy of the da vinci code book and i normally would not have read it or bought it but since she bought it for me i thought i would give it a go and needless to be saying i am almost done it and i started it like a week a go. i am just plowing through. it is good. surprised me but i am guessing it would not be a best seller if it was not. i have the movie but i have not watched it because i am wanting to finish the book first but last night i decided to watch it though i was not finished the book but because i had a couple of beer i fell asleep and do not remember so that is good.

-last night before the movie i went and had drinks with bucci, tyler and randy and it was good seeing them and we toasted new years and we realized tyler is single because he has a fear of flatulance and we explained this to the waiter chick and she laughed and said she would not break up with someone because they fart but she would if they dutchovened her and i told her that her and i would never work out. she went to tell a story about this girl and we thought the story would be about flatulance since that was what we were talking about and then she left and then came back to finish her story and it was about her coworker who was to meet up with some guy who was dared to go back to her place and do a strip tease for a stranger and he never showed and she just kept pouring her coworker drinks. her story sucked. we left her a tip though because she sounded like she had permanent hellium voice.

-tango is good. he is cute. i still love him because he has not died yet.

ps-
i was going to make another post but i like to stick to my one post a day rule anywayanyway from this day forward bitch is no longer bitch... he is jabba. as in jabba the hut. he is devouring our apartment and he is not stopping and i do not mind really because whatev i do not care but i care when he eats all the food i bought the previous night. i called him jabba the bitch and he loves it actually. i am excited that i get to be the mentally abusive boyfriend. i heard him with some wrapper or something and i yelled out this morning WHAT ARE YOU NOW!!! (notice i said it not with question marks but with exclimnation points because i was not asking i was stating). stupid jabba.

and he also likes to take pictures of me sleeping on the couch and though yes i am doing some admiting that it may not look super duper comfy but it obviously was if i am sleeping no... or i drank too many beer i am not sure but the point is i was sleeping so i am fine.

tango plus

-okay so i love tango and that is that. i went out last night and to a pet store and spoke with some hot daddy looking type guy that i found strangely attractive but i think it was because he was all knowledgable about turtles that i was all like fuck me now but anyway i was like i want the best for my turtle and i laid down 150 for the thing. thank gawd for christmas bonuseseses. your welcome tango you are worth it. now his water is a nice temprature, he has a cool new lil ramp thingy to hang out on and he loves to sleep in the new plants we added.

-so more about christmas... sure. um bitch got me this huge art easel so now i do not have to paint on the floor anymore all hunched over so i will not look like i have to live in notre dame which is great because i am short as is i do not need to be hunched back and lose more height. his parents totally got me this paint supply like paint and tons of brushes and also a table top easel. my parents bought me mortal kombat armageddon because i am a fucking loser and i love that whole franchise, um weirdly tons of dali stuff, new iron and ironing board which i did ask for believe it or not. um and stuff. you know random stuff i was hoping for another card game about selling weed like two years ago which my mom totally rules at selling weed in the game that is which is funny because she has never has smoked a joint in her life. anway it was good busy but good.

-now new years is coming and i fucking hate new years and i do not use the word hate lightly but i fucking hate new years. thank you.

christmas tango

-merry christmas. when i was little i would always ask for a turtle and my mother unit would always say NO THEY STINK AND CARRY DISEASE and i would do joking about brothers but anywayanyway so i never got a turtle and that was always stuck in my head that THEY STINK AND CARRY DISEASE and plus i did not want the responsibility well for christmas friends amanda and tanya thought bitch and i were ready and got us a BABY TURTLE!!! its a red ear slider and he is super super cute and i think it is a he or it could be a she i do not know and i do not care but i named him tango. i spent most of yesterday watching him. he is tiny and i am afraid to play with him just yet but i will. he finally started eating this morning because maybe he was not as scared shitless as he was the last two night. anywayanyway TANGO is the shit and i am fully going to take this on and if he dies i will kill myself. he will not stink because i will change the tank all the time and stuff. just you wait i will be the best turtle dad ever.
i do not have pictures up yet but i will when i go into work on wednesday. he is sooo cute. he does this thing where he swims to the water filter and goes in front of it and just thrashes about and i am not sure if he does it on purpose but it is cute and funny to watch. if anyone knows some good tips on turtle love let me know... i am new at this.
that is all for now. merry christmas.

update: here is my favoritestest picture of tango


when i originally posted i had not done much research and then i did and i will honestly say i was all like OH SHIT these things are high fucking maintence and not because i can not handle it i thought i would not have time to deal with it so i almost said we had to give it back because i did not want him to die and then ya. like A he should not be in gravel like in the picture because they eat like everything and needless to say gravel does not do friendly things to turtle digestive tracks and so ya we cleaned all the gravel out and we need certain type of lamps and ramps and heaters and shit and so ya. but i looked at him when i came home and i can not give him up. he is too cute. i love him. more than bitch. in that turtle way. seriously. i do. its quite sad....

sexy devil shots

-so congrats to raymi because she won best diarist with the weblog awards. it is funny though because there are all these angry house wives who do nothing but compose shit on their blog all day and they are like HOW DID SHE WIN and it is because she does not talk about her kid puking up gummy bears because no one cares.

-last night i did an early christmas exchange with friend skwirl and it was good and i gave her a painting, swarovski crystal, shirst, calendars and stuff. i spoil people i like. i got tattoo money because she is tired of hearing me say WHEN I GET PAID I WILL GET MY TURTLE TATTOO and also sex and the city season 4 because it is the bestestestest season of them all because that is when carrie dates ayden and he is in his underwear alot. i like ayden. he was cute in his whities. so it was nice. we drank wine, did shots of tequila and ate pizza oh and then played card games.

-i bought this new game for ps2 and i love it and it is driving me crazy at work i am just thinking of it and how i have to work tonight as well so i will not be getting home until like 11pm and how i want to play it but i can not until 11pm so i think about calling in sick to thegap so i can go home and play the game and then i get a text message from bitch who is like I AM OFF WORK TIME TO GO PLAY DEVIL KINGS and that is the name of the game and it makes me more antsy so i may just give up making 60-70 bucks tonight to just go home and play the game because i love it like marry it type love which is sad but i have no other good games right now.

-i have friday off and i am looking forward to doing nothing in the morning (the afternoon is all crazy like with stuff to do but tis the season) except play DEVIL KINGS!!!

-i need to post pictures because my words suck lately....

vote for the bruising nose present

-first off before i forget and then become a horrible friend though i have never met her but we exchanged enough emails that make me laugh to call her a friend and we fantasize about having wine parties and painting and eating genoa well at least i do so that is why i am saying vote for raymi for the weblog awards. okay please and thank you.


-on saturday i went to a friends birthday party at the bourbon and i should just stop going to places where they are named after alcohol because it usually leads to no good and after the birthday visit i WAS SUPPOSED to goto a christmas party but um the birthday visit turned into lets drink lots for birthday wendy (i call her dub-cawk) and ya then i sorta remember dancing with some tall amazonian chick who will 'grinding' her knocked her on the dance floor and then i remember waking up at home. apparently birthday girl had to bring me home. i text dub-cawk and said sorry and she said no harm because everyone thought i was cute and adorable even the bar manager when they asked dub-cawk to please make me leave. i also have a brusie on my nose and a scraped elbow but i do not know the story and i do not want to.

-i tried to christmas shop last night with friend skwirl and did not work so much we just kep ending up at the lennox doing shots of tequila and double rye and gingers oh and AMAZING chicken wings covered in rock salt and pepper and i told waitress lady i love dabbing my finger in the rock salt so she brought a small little side dish of rock salt and when she cleared the plates aways she left the dish of rock salt for me and she soooo solidified her tip. good girl.

slipping out the industry gift

-the other night bitch and i were sitting and talking and he made some mention of my idustrial piercing that has been there foreverever and when i say foreverever i am meaning like when i broke up with my first girlfriend ever and ya i am one of those fags who have, how do i put this politely, actually penetrated a vagina with my penis and came and also went down on serveral too which was weird since i got off on that more than the sex with chicks but that is a seperate story all on its own and ya i got that piercing after i broke up with chickypoo who was fucking bi polar which hey i am not against but they have medication for that and i can easily guess she did not take the medication because what a fucking yo yo of emotions it was to go out with her it was like love you and hate you and love you and hate you and BREAK UP and i miss you love you miss you love you lets get back together and i am like OKAY and then love you hate you love you hate you and me going WHERE ARE THOSE BRUISES (which looked like hickeys but i gave her the benefit of the doubt) COMING FROM and she would say BOXES and then i later found out BOXES=guy she worked with so ya after that piece of information it was done and i got pierced because i was young and stupid and like I AM IN PAIN LETS INFLICT PAIN TO KNOW I AM ALIVE or some bullshit crap like that and ya. but anyway in discussing this with bitch i was like WHY AM I STILL HAVING THAT IN MY EAR and i took it out. bye bye memories of first (and last) bi polar ex girlfriend whose boughts of fellatio i did enjoy thanks to her multipierced tongue and slurpees. wow that is some past dirty laundry eh.

-i am supposed to be going to a early christmas party with friends tyler et all and it was difficult to decide whether i should go or not because tonight is the top model finale but i already know carridee is going to win so ya i am going to go and we do this thing called a 'chinese gift exchange' or something like that but one person opens a gift and then the next person goes and if they do not like it they can steal from the person who already opened a gift and i am not sure why this is called a chinese gift exchange because well if that is how chinese people exchnage gifts normally no wonder the majority just give money at christmas time because um ya that is tons easier then getting your hello kitty doll you always wanted taken by your older gay brother who is amazing at piano playing. i am going to buy a bottle of 'painted turtle' wine and include a small canvas with a turtle that i painted so my theme to my gift is painted turtle because i am a fucking genious like that and if they do not appreciate my theme i am going to fuck some people up.

pictoral interlude - fountain freezing

-this is the fountain outside of the office building and it was running during the snow-cold-storm thingy and the water kept freezing and ya it just looked neat.





and here is a picture of me since i like pictures of me wearing my first ever blazer because it actually sorta fits walking in the snow all sorta glum like because i was like HEY LETS GO WALK IN THE FIRST SNOW FALL and then after 3 minutes the novelty wore off and i hated life.

ps-the blazer is moleskin which is like the fancy way of saying its cotton but feels like velvet.

slipping the skwirl snow

-all of vancouver is like a fucking ice rink and i do not like it so much because the one pair of shoes that i had that had the slightestestest bit of traction other than dressy work shoes, well bitch sorta donated them. so anyway if i am all walking outside it is only in canvas shoes that have no traction and i live on a slight hill so it is fun skating to the corner store. bitch fell on his ass last night when him me and friend skwirl went to wine store. skwirl is staying with us for a couple of days to get out of north vancouver and we had a bottle of wine while watching project runway and we were all excited for the second hour which was supposed to be the finale so we all bundled up and went wine store walking and when we came back the finale was not on in actuality or something so i tried to watch heroes which is a fucking awesome show it is like lost and xmen wrapped in one like a bacon wrapped scallop and it is good but skwirl talked alot so i had to lose interest in the show.

so i made her sleep in the main room with no heat well not on purpose i am just not used to leaving the heat on during the night and she was not happy this morning when i woke her up and she was under a mound of like 7 million blankets but i said YOU KNOW WHERE THE HEAT THING IS and i forget what her reply was. she could not believe that bitch and i did not have a hair dyer and hello skwirl this is the first year i have had a DOO and so i helped her dry her hair with a flat iron which took forever but her hair looked amazing.

-i love how when it snows in vancouver the city is complete mayhem and ya. hi we are hosting the olympics and one snow fall and we are all shitting... hah. that is great stuff. apparently we should get more snow on thursday. i do not mind. i mind the hydro bill but i like staying in when it is nasty fucking cold out.


that is a picture of my truck when i lived in surrey and i was 'straight' but you could tell i was not that straight as i drove a ford ranger and i called it the t-ride and it had a bed in the back. but the back leaked even though i caulked every inch of it and the water would get on the mattress and mold would grow and the only people who would go in there were 20 east indian ladies i would give a ride to down river road to the albion ferry when i would go to work in maple ridge. but anyway that is about the same amount of snow surrey received on the weekend and i am glad i no longer live in surrey.

examplaint

-when i type things like "so i went home and painted..." people ask me what do you paint thinking like bathroom wall or something and i am like NO CANVAS and they ask what do you paint and i am always a little unsure to answer because i can not classify or want to classify what i paint i just paint stuff that i think is aethitically pleasing to me but here look...

*please note these are all not finished yet...

a turtle with catarax

yes its another flower...

-um i dont know what these are supposed to be. i just like colors and shapes. it is like a set but not but i will sell it as a set or seperately when i am done but i will have to murder bitch first because he loves these but if someone was willing to pay i am willing to part. pay and part.

dating santa

-on the weekend i decided to go on an 'artist's date' and that is where you dedicate like an hour plus of time to yourself and go out and do something that will inspire you creatively and i am not meaning masturbating as that takes like 5 minutes if your good at what you do and thinking up fantasies of mr.hot-suit-man on the 5th floor does not count as that is not creative it is lust and lust is bad like being gay so anywayanyway i went to my most favoritestest gallery called ayden gallery and i love it there and i am determined to get my artwork in there one day even it if means sneaking in there and randomly hanging it up with no one to notice. one day i will be famous. i totally recommend people who have an ounce of creative juices in them to go have an artist's date and go home and do whatever it is you do that is creative. i painted from 6pm to 10pm and i loved it. if i lived in the ayden gallery i would be famous by now. i am not wanting fame to be all rich and powerful but i mean hello that would be nice it is just that i am really self absorbed and i want people to recognize me now whether they like me or not that is a different story and i do not care. i think this all stems from elementary school and being all small and not ever being noticed. wow i feel like i should be lying on a couch paying some overpriced doctor to tell him why i want to be famous but now i do not need to because i just did it with the help of blogger thanx blogger.

-has anyone seen the new commercials with the hot looking santa man and it is for fido phones or something but um hello who gave fido permission to re-paint the image of santa from fat old man who laughs and makes his belly move to a hot looking 20 something with a bad beard but you can tell underneath he is like sexy good looking if he dyed his hair back to a normal color not bimbo blond.. here is the webpage and you can see the adds and bitch is like he is soooo not good looking but i am thinking otherwise. maybe i am just a sucker for argyle i do not know. no point to this but i just want you to know i have now thought about santa in the most dirtiest way possible and i should not get any presents and by not getting any presents i mean have that actor who plays santa tied and gagged under my tree. naked... okay no that is mean. we will allow him to still have his sweater since i think that is the initial source of my attraction.some bad joke about santa's 'sack' just came to mind but i will spare you...

reiki water wagon

-so basically all of vancouver is being told not to drink the water because some storm the other day apparently has fucked up all the water reservoirs and shit and they say if you drink it you may suffer "gastrointestinal illnesses" which i think is meaning like shit for three days straight or something and then i am doing some thinking HEY THIS MAY NOT BE BAD because then i can get some deserved days off AND lose some weight but then i do other thinking thoughts about how i hate when i get gassy cramps from sicks stomachs and how you curl up in a little ball which does not do any helping of the situation and i remember being little and my mom yelling at me not to curl up and relax and i would yell you relax when it feels like there is a boulder moving in your intestines and she would say fine i was only trying to help and i would yell back it is not helping... a good fart would help but your words are not helping and then ya and i know now mother always knows best. so i guess i will not drink the water but it was tempting yo.

-not that i am trying to air dirty laundry or shit but last night bitch and i got into a bit of a fight and it resulted with me storming out and walking up commercial in the rain just wondering trying to clear my head of angry thoughts and stuff and then the weirdest thing happened which would only like happen on commercial but i was approached by these two people and they asked me if i had a moment and i was like :tear: yes and they asked me to cup my hands and hold them out and normally i would be like eff you but i was just so blah whatev that i obliged and then they told me to relax which was sorta funny given the situation and then they started to wave their hands and fingers around my cupped hands and i thought they were like seizuring or something but then i felt this weird pressure in my hands and heat and it reminded me of the rave days where we would do this to people who were fucked up on E and would believe anything you did to them because you at that moment were their bestestestestest friend but anyway they did this and they told me to concentrate on the heat and relax and i did and then they told me to press my hands together and to have the heat relax the rest of my body and i was like YALL CRAZY but i did not say that and it actually though did help and they said good night and gave me this slip to attend 'reiki' class so i guess that was what that was but it was weird timing and ya. boring i know but it screwed with my head like who were those people and how did they know i needed to relax because i was 100% tense and angry but after i was like only 50% tense and angry. thanks reiki.


-tonight will be my first friday night of wagon riding sobriety so i can go into crapland tomorrow non-reeking-of-alcohol. i think i will paint tons instead. that is one thing about riding the wagon is that my brain is doing tons of creative thinking and i like it and i want to paint. who would have thunk...

-ps. before fight night bitch and i savored a filet mignon at the keg. it was fucking good. except when they asked if wanted bottle water since they could not serve water from the tap and we said yes they brought us a $8.00 bottle of evian water which i did not know was $8 i thought it was free due to water being fucked up and i did not know until the bill came but i was way to complacent to complain. fuckers.

-pps. oh ya.. i am a horrible brother... happy birthday christian. there my sibling duty on days of birth has now been completed.

dancing liver

-last weekend was a gong show. i will not link the shit because i am lazy but if you goto bitch's myspace there are like fucking gazillion lil videos of us trashed at our place and the last couple are of them dragging my passed out ass to bed. it was fun. but the next day i woke up and i was ill not like HEY HE IS ILL all cool like i mean like ILL as is still fucking feeling drunk and i had to work at crapland and so i showered thinking it would be a miracle shower to sober me up and ya no and then went into work anyway and as soon as i stepped in i was like NO I CAN NOT BE HERE i am sorta gonna get in shit for creeping into work all semi-left-over intoxicated but its okay i accept fault but it made me realize time for a breaky poo to give the liver a breather. it was drowning.

-did anyone see this shit last night. i think it is my newest favoritestest game show and the thing is i dispise william shatner, and i am not really into money game shows but this is the best because you have to pick a "dancer for your answer" and the fag they had on first blew my mind in that OH MY FUCKING GAWD WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE sorta way and not in the good way i mean why does america always put gay people on tv who are the epitome of flaming or just fucking overtly gay and no wonder half of america hates gays i mean i watch that shit and i hate gays and then i am like OH SHIT I AM GAY and i am thankful i missed the gay lisp genes when they were being passed out to homo babies. i want to see hot gay men like reichen or something in their underwear in game shows or in reality tv. then i will be like gay but i love it. whatever i guess i can say whatever i want and it does not matter because gaylisp man on the show last night walked away with $590,000 dollars. i loved when captain kirk would be like LADIES LETS DANCE and he would waddle around on stage doing what he thought was a dance. it was the best. oh and when he brought out the dancers he turned to gaylisp man and said NOT THAT YOU WILL CARE or something like that it was funny. the whole show was funny entertaining not in game show entertaining.
UPDATE: here is a clip from that totally shows some of the best parts between fag and captain kirk!. MURSE

-it is raining fucking big time. i want to row home.

recapping the FLU age

-bitch is apart of a music group have i mentioned that yet it.. well he is and they are called FLU the first ENGRISH GROUP and it is funny like ENGRISH and FLU ... ASAIN PANDEMIC. i love it. but the funny thing is he created this group like way back when so he forsaw the flu craziness known as asian pandemic. i am having serious moments of de ja vu where i am questioning myself on whether i already typed this and then i almost hop out of this screen which i know would make me lose my typityed words because i am a retard but then i am like NO I DID NOT TYPE THIS ALREADY and i am feeling crazy. anyway click here to goto FLU's myspace page. I recommend listening to SHOPPING and the PLAYA song. that is bitch who is all gay sounding going HEY BARBARA ARE YOU A PLAYA.... FO SHOW!


-i have come to terms that this is what i will look by the time i am like 30 if i continue to drink and smoke and smoke they way i have within the last 2 years. i am cool with it because i think i have bitch so roped in in terms of loving and staying with me that looks would probably mean null come that time. there is a better picture of me with this mask on and if you photoshop it i am sure i can make it look like my face because my eyes are totally lined up perfectly. the eyebrows are almost bang on to what my dad's look like.

-tonight is top model. last week i was angry. i made an awesome dinner and at the beginning of top model cracked a bottle of gorgeous wine and then WHAM it was a recap show. fuck off. have i talked about this already and how i fucking strongly dislike re-cap shows. look tyra i have unfortunately been watching your show from day one i do not need a re-cap or a better look at how much of a wackjob monique was. i was angry. so angry i drank my wine fast and totally missed lost because i fell asleep. i fall asleep alot.

random fag coffee calling

-hmmm.. it has been a week and a bit and no i am not stating that it has been a week and abit since i last posted because then ya hi OBVIOUS what i am refering to is that is has been one HELL of a week and bit. bosslady is away right now and that term when the cat is away the mice will play well not in my world it is when the cat is away the cats assistant which happens to be a mouse will get all the wonderful last minute holiday stuff to try and arrange and politely explain why prices are so high because they are doing so last minute and ya. not fun.

-anyway ya and i am feeling pathetic because i am actually excited that britney has filed for divorce. i called and told bitch and he said the same. i am not a fan but i thought she was extra hot during her phase of i am a virgin yet put videos like SLAVE FOR YOU where she is all sweaty and basically partaking in a neil patrick harris' dream of writhing between sweaty men but in his dream they are all broadway stars but sweaty nonetheless but ya ya... um i thought she was hot back then and i can see her trying to come back with that and power to you just hide the stretch marks sista

-i have had only a bagel to eat today and it is 4.25pm. i have had 6 times that in coffee. i have 0 appetite and the energy of neil patrick harris around some sweaty broadway men. HAH. i am sorry i love the fact that neil is like HELLO I AM GAY. um neil, lance beat you to it and you were way more obvious then he was so fuck off. but in a strange way i would like to have sex with him and call him DOOGIE and make him wear one of those doctor heart hearing stethascopes. doogie is so a bottom.

-if you we are drunk together and um you walk ahead of me i will call you out bitches...

homo house halloween

-i love illiteration though i am not sure how to spell it. happy halloween

-i am not dressed up. the whole static cling failure totally deflated any balloon i had for halloween this year but it is just because i am lazy and do not care. i like how most receptionists dressed up like witches. creative bitches at their best.

-update on the homo-hating pamphlet... never got one. after all that i am sorta saddened.

-i am housesitting for friend skwirl because she currently is roasting down in mexico while we are dealing with fucking cold weather but that is not my point the point is that i am house sitting and this is like the third time in a month i have done this for friends i am like the trustworthy friend that you can trust to watch your place and i think i will go pro on this and actually put together a business proposal to friends going away and all i charge is 500grams of genoa salami and a 12 pack of beer. i like beer and salami. i can fend for myself if i need to eat anything else like the cat food for the cats but i must have beer and salami. friend skwirl left me that and beer and also a pack of bacon and i ate the whole pack in one sitting very reminiscent when i was on 'operation gain weight' sorta like nicole ritchie but it was not because i was doing drugs every night and walking around going WHY CANT I GAIN WEIGHT it was because i was stressed about moving and relationships and i did not eat for like ever and when friends were like ARE YOU SICK i realized i was not eating so i went on OPERATION GAIN WEIGHT and i would eat packs of bacon by itself. i am bacon. i am a coronary attack. i am surprised i am not dead. but bacon is soo fucking good. i really do not know where i was going with this because now i can not stop thinking about bacon. so i will add that to my transaction fee list for house sitting: 1)500grams of genoa 2)beer 3)bacon. ... its like breakfast lunch and dinner all rolled into one.

ps-i have some great photos from the last week or so and i just have been lazy but i like this one of bitch and i

anti homo

-so i usually refrain from talking or typing or whatever about current events because i am not all about getting into long heated discussion about views and beliefs and opinions because i am not all about heated discussions... however while sipping my coffee this morning i heard about this story on the news and ya:
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2006/10/26/bc-postal.html#skip300x250

Anti-homosexuality brochure held up at Canada
Post

Canada Post says a controversial religious brochure that condemns
homosexuality will be delivered to hundreds of homes in East Vancouver,
despite
the objections of letter carriers.

The 28-page pamphlet is published by a fundamentalist Baptist group
based
in Ontario, and condemns homosexuality as ungodly, unhealthy and
unnatural. Vancouver mail sorter Andy Henderson was the first person
at his
postal station to notice the pamphlet, and was shocked by what he
read.
"The first words I saw when I picked it up were: 'The plague of
this
21st Century:
the consequences of the sin of homosexuality (AIDS).'
"
He
and the other postal employees say they consider it hate mail
and have
refused to handle it.

"You wouldn't be able to find one television station that would accept
this ad mail as a 30-second advertising spot," said Henderson. "And yet
Canada
Post will take it. And their point is, 'If it's legal, we'll
deliver
it.' "

Canada Post management told the workers on Wednesday that it's not in the
business of censorship, and said the letters would be delivered.
That
stance
prompted about 60 postal workers at the Canada Post plant in downtown
Vancouver
to hold a short protest Thursday morning.

"So the employees walked out of this facility because most people are deeply
offended by the nature of the literature," said union local president Ken
Mooney.
He told CBC News that the workers have since returned to their
jobs,
waiting to see what management is going to do next.

"I'm now told they're not going to force us to handle this mail. So they've
backed off a little bit. So we're just waiting to see how this plays
out."
Brochures 'deemed appropriate' Canada Post spokeswoman Colleen
Frick
says the company has a contract to deliver the brochure and it will do
just
that.
She notes that it was "deemed acceptable and appropriate for
mailing
under the Canada postal guide.
"The criteria is very specific.
And if
something is not deemed obscene in nature, then the item will be
acceptable for
mailing. And this particular item was deemed appropriate. So
it will be
delivered."

The union says management has now indicated that the brochures will be
put in envelopes and delivered by management personnel

so it for some reason is specifically being delivered to east vancouver and i am in east vancouver and if i receive this flyer in the mail i will find the management of canada post and where they live and fuck bitch on their door step. this shit seriously irritates me. how is crap that is obviously hate mail towards homos is deemed acceptable for mailing. if i wrote something similar towards blacks or asians or jewish or whatever it would more than likely be deem unacceptable. what is the fucking difference. it is a piece of writing slanderous against a group in society. because it is pointed at homos its okay which says to me who ever okayed it on canada posts side needs a good ol' cock in his ass to re-align what is acceptable and what is not. i do not want to get into this really because i know how i feel about this shit and it will get into an issue of what is defined as what and where is the line etc and these discussions force me to drink. but do tell me what you think and if anybody is down for some good ol' fashioned firebombing do let me know.

costumely undesired cream

-so i thought i had relatively smart friends or at least my costume was sorta creative and obivous but on friday night i went to a costume party and i am broke and no costume so i improvised and i wore black and then safety pinned socks and underwear and shiznat to me and i entitled myself static cling but do you know what i was mistaken for the most....... LINT. um okay so i can sorta see how someone sees a bunch of laundry and associates it with lint but when was the last time you saw lint that had underwear and socks attached to IT. um not ever i am assuming. eventually i just took it off because i was tired of continuosly explaining my ghetto/obviously-not-obvious costume. i thought i was smart. well not really because i stole the idea from some girl in my grade 6 class but i am guilt free since she used to pick her nose which is fine by me everybody does but she would eat it after and i always thought she was a freak who liked to tap dance in one spot. she was crazy. but thanks for the costume idea bitch!!! i do have pictures but none of me because i was too busy getting my "LINT" drink on.

-last night bitch and i were watching tv and when i say there is like nothing to eat in our apartment i am pretty much serious unless you fancy eating dried lipton sidekicks because we do not have margarine or milk to make it with. anywayanyway we were watching tv and a dairy queen commercial came on and the commercial then seriously destroyed my brain and made me think of blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards and so on until i could not fight it anymore and walked to dairy queen and bought a double fudge cookie dough blizzard which was amazing. i also bought a box of peanut buster bars and ate like 2 of those and i felt disgusting but happy disgusting.

rambling art words

-can i even begin to explain how much i love expoldingdog.com probably not but i do and i find it sorta inspirational in a way that you can do drawings/paintings of anything you want. i love it. it makes me want to go home and paint. friends rodney and kristen came over to our place one night and they saw some of my paintings and they are like wow you should sell them and i said thank you and i explained that i am trying to paint more but i am have creative block issues and kristen was like YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK and i did not know what she was talking about and then on my birthday she presented me with this book

its called 'the artists way' by julia cameron and it is all about how to re-awaken your creative side and i know it sounds total hoaky but it is actually quite good and if you have an ounce of creativity in you you can relate to what this lady talks about in the book and it is good and at times she talks about god but i just replace god with a mental picture of my cat and all is good. you should all read it. anywayanyway i am believing rodney and kristen have taken me on as their project to become world famous or something because they are super awesome and now have commissioned me to do this huge painting for their living room like i am talking 6 feet by 3 feet which may not sound big but it is for me who is usually painting like 6 inches by 3 inches. but anywayanyway i have started it and i have done the background and i am all nervous to do the 'body' of the painting and i told rodney this over text message and his reply was "just have fun doing it or i will beat you up" so they are encouraging my creative side through threats of physical violence and i think that is great. that is meaning they love me. when i become famous i will buy them something nice. to all of you out there start sucking up now if you want me to select you to be my jeremy piven of my entourage

pathetically loving loss

-so um ya last weekend like sucked. at the end of it i went to a friends house to pick up something and i lost my phone on the bike ride back so i had to beg bitch to let me put a new cell phone on his future shop card because i had no money and finally he said yes and now i have a nice new phone that now even takes pictures but i really do not care about that because i have a camera as is but i am guessing this will come in handy when i encounter this one guy i see on the bus and i so happen to always sit across from him and he has a huge bulge that almost looks fake and i want to show people but now i can photograph it randomly and he wont know... oh actually i am liking the sounds of secret camera phones.

-wednesdays are my most favoritest non-drinking days ever because well let me re-phrase that it is not that i am not drinking on wednesdays because hi but i mean like it is not a friday or a saturday which are by default drinking days but i got lost there so never mind but what i am trying to say is i like wednesdays for tv on wednesdays. i know pathetic. first off top model is on and like every other fag and chicky-poo out there i am a devoted fan because well i do not know why but i am. then after top model is lost and i love that show even more and i sit there yelling LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON... WHY... I DONT GET IT ::sip sip wine sip sip:: WHAAAATTTT!??!? ... again i am not sure why because sometimes it is super slow moving in terms of plot but it is neat the concept but i dont get why if people did crash on an island there is not more sex going on like HELLO you have been stranded on an island for 2 months or so and yet no scenes of masturbation, copulation or ejaculation (oh my!).... like who are the writers of this show... nerdy prudes who still do not know that they can pull down their foreskins that is who.

-ummm i just got a call from some guy name HUSANE (sp?) from my bank and they love me and they like super love my plastic money habits and by habits i mean lets pay minimum payment and then take it off again and i no longer have a crazy credit limit like i did when i was 21 (hello $10,000 is not good for a 21 year old to posess because hello $14,000 consolidation loan to follow) so it is not that bad but HUSANE is wanting to express their appreciation of my bad spending habits and show me more credit love and up my limit and i said no. good thing because then tonight would have turned into a drunken tv show fest where i do shots of random expensive liquors during every commerical break and then i would not be able to remember any of the shows and i would be sad tomorrow morning with no memory of my favorite shows plus a headache stinking like alcohol so no thank you HUSANE ... i will keep my plastic money as is.

vice on my head

-ever had one of those weeks where like after everything you just want to shoot yourself in the face but not really shoot just like pertend to end it all type shoot because people piss you off something fierce that was my week and i hated it and i want to relax and drink and love bitch. the end... whatever tho last saturday was hot because we went to some 'vice' party whatever that means and i just knew there was free beer and i was like TOTE LETS GO and so we did and it was aight but the best part was after the buddy who invited us totaaly gave us a free case of beer like 24 free beer people and i was like i will call you SANTA and loved him. great guy,
i danced a lot all drunk like... i was the dancefloor.

bitch was fierce too with lady in denim she was like the coolest thing cause she was super duper trashed like.

asian onion/pictoral interlude: 10:01

-i am not sure what is going on in vancouver but it is like asian fleet week or something there are tons of asain males walking around the city the last couple of days dressed in sailor gear and what is really weird they all look like eachother like tote asian sailor clones with maps in hand it is sorta creepy.

-speaking of asians every morning i goto this bagel place to get a bagel because i am a stupid creature of habit and i like my onion bagel with bacon bit cream cheese and there are these japanese ladies that own and run it and everymorning that i go down and they see me they like yell ONION BACON CHEESE and i always laugh and for some reason today it was louder then normal and it echoed in the hall and i even saw people look back like maybe i have tourettes but it was not me and i feel like norm from cheers when how he would walk in they said NORM but i am cool because i am ONION BACON CHEESE.
pointless really.

-bitchs camera broke a bit ago and he sent in and he just got it back and he was excited so on sunday we went out and he took pictures of stuff and me and i like most of the pictures here are some.



this one is my favorite... i love how i look like i just fell down the stairs...



i took this one... i do not want bitch to get all the credit for great photos especially for one i took even though it is not that good.





ps-if no one comments on how great some of the above pix are you are all fucking blind...