slipping the skwirl snow

-all of vancouver is like a fucking ice rink and i do not like it so much because the one pair of shoes that i had that had the slightestestest bit of traction other than dressy work shoes, well bitch sorta donated them. so anyway if i am all walking outside it is only in canvas shoes that have no traction and i live on a slight hill so it is fun skating to the corner store. bitch fell on his ass last night when him me and friend skwirl went to wine store. skwirl is staying with us for a couple of days to get out of north vancouver and we had a bottle of wine while watching project runway and we were all excited for the second hour which was supposed to be the finale so we all bundled up and went wine store walking and when we came back the finale was not on in actuality or something so i tried to watch heroes which is a fucking awesome show it is like lost and xmen wrapped in one like a bacon wrapped scallop and it is good but skwirl talked alot so i had to lose interest in the show.

so i made her sleep in the main room with no heat well not on purpose i am just not used to leaving the heat on during the night and she was not happy this morning when i woke her up and she was under a mound of like 7 million blankets but i said YOU KNOW WHERE THE HEAT THING IS and i forget what her reply was. she could not believe that bitch and i did not have a hair dyer and hello skwirl this is the first year i have had a DOO and so i helped her dry her hair with a flat iron which took forever but her hair looked amazing.

-i love how when it snows in vancouver the city is complete mayhem and ya. hi we are hosting the olympics and one snow fall and we are all shitting... hah. that is great stuff. apparently we should get more snow on thursday. i do not mind. i mind the hydro bill but i like staying in when it is nasty fucking cold out.


that is a picture of my truck when i lived in surrey and i was 'straight' but you could tell i was not that straight as i drove a ford ranger and i called it the t-ride and it had a bed in the back. but the back leaked even though i caulked every inch of it and the water would get on the mattress and mold would grow and the only people who would go in there were 20 east indian ladies i would give a ride to down river road to the albion ferry when i would go to work in maple ridge. but anyway that is about the same amount of snow surrey received on the weekend and i am glad i no longer live in surrey.

examplaint

-when i type things like "so i went home and painted..." people ask me what do you paint thinking like bathroom wall or something and i am like NO CANVAS and they ask what do you paint and i am always a little unsure to answer because i can not classify or want to classify what i paint i just paint stuff that i think is aethitically pleasing to me but here look...

*please note these are all not finished yet...

a turtle with catarax

yes its another flower...

-um i dont know what these are supposed to be. i just like colors and shapes. it is like a set but not but i will sell it as a set or seperately when i am done but i will have to murder bitch first because he loves these but if someone was willing to pay i am willing to part. pay and part.

dating santa

-on the weekend i decided to go on an 'artist's date' and that is where you dedicate like an hour plus of time to yourself and go out and do something that will inspire you creatively and i am not meaning masturbating as that takes like 5 minutes if your good at what you do and thinking up fantasies of mr.hot-suit-man on the 5th floor does not count as that is not creative it is lust and lust is bad like being gay so anywayanyway i went to my most favoritestest gallery called ayden gallery and i love it there and i am determined to get my artwork in there one day even it if means sneaking in there and randomly hanging it up with no one to notice. one day i will be famous. i totally recommend people who have an ounce of creative juices in them to go have an artist's date and go home and do whatever it is you do that is creative. i painted from 6pm to 10pm and i loved it. if i lived in the ayden gallery i would be famous by now. i am not wanting fame to be all rich and powerful but i mean hello that would be nice it is just that i am really self absorbed and i want people to recognize me now whether they like me or not that is a different story and i do not care. i think this all stems from elementary school and being all small and not ever being noticed. wow i feel like i should be lying on a couch paying some overpriced doctor to tell him why i want to be famous but now i do not need to because i just did it with the help of blogger thanx blogger.

-has anyone seen the new commercials with the hot looking santa man and it is for fido phones or something but um hello who gave fido permission to re-paint the image of santa from fat old man who laughs and makes his belly move to a hot looking 20 something with a bad beard but you can tell underneath he is like sexy good looking if he dyed his hair back to a normal color not bimbo blond.. here is the webpage and you can see the adds and bitch is like he is soooo not good looking but i am thinking otherwise. maybe i am just a sucker for argyle i do not know. no point to this but i just want you to know i have now thought about santa in the most dirtiest way possible and i should not get any presents and by not getting any presents i mean have that actor who plays santa tied and gagged under my tree. naked... okay no that is mean. we will allow him to still have his sweater since i think that is the initial source of my attraction.some bad joke about santa's 'sack' just came to mind but i will spare you...

reiki water wagon

-so basically all of vancouver is being told not to drink the water because some storm the other day apparently has fucked up all the water reservoirs and shit and they say if you drink it you may suffer "gastrointestinal illnesses" which i think is meaning like shit for three days straight or something and then i am doing some thinking HEY THIS MAY NOT BE BAD because then i can get some deserved days off AND lose some weight but then i do other thinking thoughts about how i hate when i get gassy cramps from sicks stomachs and how you curl up in a little ball which does not do any helping of the situation and i remember being little and my mom yelling at me not to curl up and relax and i would yell you relax when it feels like there is a boulder moving in your intestines and she would say fine i was only trying to help and i would yell back it is not helping... a good fart would help but your words are not helping and then ya and i know now mother always knows best. so i guess i will not drink the water but it was tempting yo.

-not that i am trying to air dirty laundry or shit but last night bitch and i got into a bit of a fight and it resulted with me storming out and walking up commercial in the rain just wondering trying to clear my head of angry thoughts and stuff and then the weirdest thing happened which would only like happen on commercial but i was approached by these two people and they asked me if i had a moment and i was like :tear: yes and they asked me to cup my hands and hold them out and normally i would be like eff you but i was just so blah whatev that i obliged and then they told me to relax which was sorta funny given the situation and then they started to wave their hands and fingers around my cupped hands and i thought they were like seizuring or something but then i felt this weird pressure in my hands and heat and it reminded me of the rave days where we would do this to people who were fucked up on E and would believe anything you did to them because you at that moment were their bestestestestest friend but anyway they did this and they told me to concentrate on the heat and relax and i did and then they told me to press my hands together and to have the heat relax the rest of my body and i was like YALL CRAZY but i did not say that and it actually though did help and they said good night and gave me this slip to attend 'reiki' class so i guess that was what that was but it was weird timing and ya. boring i know but it screwed with my head like who were those people and how did they know i needed to relax because i was 100% tense and angry but after i was like only 50% tense and angry. thanks reiki.


-tonight will be my first friday night of wagon riding sobriety so i can go into crapland tomorrow non-reeking-of-alcohol. i think i will paint tons instead. that is one thing about riding the wagon is that my brain is doing tons of creative thinking and i like it and i want to paint. who would have thunk...

-ps. before fight night bitch and i savored a filet mignon at the keg. it was fucking good. except when they asked if wanted bottle water since they could not serve water from the tap and we said yes they brought us a $8.00 bottle of evian water which i did not know was $8 i thought it was free due to water being fucked up and i did not know until the bill came but i was way to complacent to complain. fuckers.

-pps. oh ya.. i am a horrible brother... happy birthday christian. there my sibling duty on days of birth has now been completed.

dancing liver

-last weekend was a gong show. i will not link the shit because i am lazy but if you goto bitch's myspace there are like fucking gazillion lil videos of us trashed at our place and the last couple are of them dragging my passed out ass to bed. it was fun. but the next day i woke up and i was ill not like HEY HE IS ILL all cool like i mean like ILL as is still fucking feeling drunk and i had to work at crapland and so i showered thinking it would be a miracle shower to sober me up and ya no and then went into work anyway and as soon as i stepped in i was like NO I CAN NOT BE HERE i am sorta gonna get in shit for creeping into work all semi-left-over intoxicated but its okay i accept fault but it made me realize time for a breaky poo to give the liver a breather. it was drowning.

-did anyone see this shit last night. i think it is my newest favoritestest game show and the thing is i dispise william shatner, and i am not really into money game shows but this is the best because you have to pick a "dancer for your answer" and the fag they had on first blew my mind in that OH MY FUCKING GAWD WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE sorta way and not in the good way i mean why does america always put gay people on tv who are the epitome of flaming or just fucking overtly gay and no wonder half of america hates gays i mean i watch that shit and i hate gays and then i am like OH SHIT I AM GAY and i am thankful i missed the gay lisp genes when they were being passed out to homo babies. i want to see hot gay men like reichen or something in their underwear in game shows or in reality tv. then i will be like gay but i love it. whatever i guess i can say whatever i want and it does not matter because gaylisp man on the show last night walked away with $590,000 dollars. i loved when captain kirk would be like LADIES LETS DANCE and he would waddle around on stage doing what he thought was a dance. it was the best. oh and when he brought out the dancers he turned to gaylisp man and said NOT THAT YOU WILL CARE or something like that it was funny. the whole show was funny entertaining not in game show entertaining.
UPDATE: here is a clip from that totally shows some of the best parts between fag and captain kirk!. MURSE

-it is raining fucking big time. i want to row home.

recapping the FLU age

-bitch is apart of a music group have i mentioned that yet it.. well he is and they are called FLU the first ENGRISH GROUP and it is funny like ENGRISH and FLU ... ASAIN PANDEMIC. i love it. but the funny thing is he created this group like way back when so he forsaw the flu craziness known as asian pandemic. i am having serious moments of de ja vu where i am questioning myself on whether i already typed this and then i almost hop out of this screen which i know would make me lose my typityed words because i am a retard but then i am like NO I DID NOT TYPE THIS ALREADY and i am feeling crazy. anyway click here to goto FLU's myspace page. I recommend listening to SHOPPING and the PLAYA song. that is bitch who is all gay sounding going HEY BARBARA ARE YOU A PLAYA.... FO SHOW!


-i have come to terms that this is what i will look by the time i am like 30 if i continue to drink and smoke and smoke they way i have within the last 2 years. i am cool with it because i think i have bitch so roped in in terms of loving and staying with me that looks would probably mean null come that time. there is a better picture of me with this mask on and if you photoshop it i am sure i can make it look like my face because my eyes are totally lined up perfectly. the eyebrows are almost bang on to what my dad's look like.

-tonight is top model. last week i was angry. i made an awesome dinner and at the beginning of top model cracked a bottle of gorgeous wine and then WHAM it was a recap show. fuck off. have i talked about this already and how i fucking strongly dislike re-cap shows. look tyra i have unfortunately been watching your show from day one i do not need a re-cap or a better look at how much of a wackjob monique was. i was angry. so angry i drank my wine fast and totally missed lost because i fell asleep. i fall asleep alot.

random fag coffee calling

-hmmm.. it has been a week and a bit and no i am not stating that it has been a week and abit since i last posted because then ya hi OBVIOUS what i am refering to is that is has been one HELL of a week and bit. bosslady is away right now and that term when the cat is away the mice will play well not in my world it is when the cat is away the cats assistant which happens to be a mouse will get all the wonderful last minute holiday stuff to try and arrange and politely explain why prices are so high because they are doing so last minute and ya. not fun.

-anyway ya and i am feeling pathetic because i am actually excited that britney has filed for divorce. i called and told bitch and he said the same. i am not a fan but i thought she was extra hot during her phase of i am a virgin yet put videos like SLAVE FOR YOU where she is all sweaty and basically partaking in a neil patrick harris' dream of writhing between sweaty men but in his dream they are all broadway stars but sweaty nonetheless but ya ya... um i thought she was hot back then and i can see her trying to come back with that and power to you just hide the stretch marks sista

-i have had only a bagel to eat today and it is 4.25pm. i have had 6 times that in coffee. i have 0 appetite and the energy of neil patrick harris around some sweaty broadway men. HAH. i am sorry i love the fact that neil is like HELLO I AM GAY. um neil, lance beat you to it and you were way more obvious then he was so fuck off. but in a strange way i would like to have sex with him and call him DOOGIE and make him wear one of those doctor heart hearing stethascopes. doogie is so a bottom.

-if you we are drunk together and um you walk ahead of me i will call you out bitches...

homo house halloween

-i love illiteration though i am not sure how to spell it. happy halloween

-i am not dressed up. the whole static cling failure totally deflated any balloon i had for halloween this year but it is just because i am lazy and do not care. i like how most receptionists dressed up like witches. creative bitches at their best.

-update on the homo-hating pamphlet... never got one. after all that i am sorta saddened.

-i am housesitting for friend skwirl because she currently is roasting down in mexico while we are dealing with fucking cold weather but that is not my point the point is that i am house sitting and this is like the third time in a month i have done this for friends i am like the trustworthy friend that you can trust to watch your place and i think i will go pro on this and actually put together a business proposal to friends going away and all i charge is 500grams of genoa salami and a 12 pack of beer. i like beer and salami. i can fend for myself if i need to eat anything else like the cat food for the cats but i must have beer and salami. friend skwirl left me that and beer and also a pack of bacon and i ate the whole pack in one sitting very reminiscent when i was on 'operation gain weight' sorta like nicole ritchie but it was not because i was doing drugs every night and walking around going WHY CANT I GAIN WEIGHT it was because i was stressed about moving and relationships and i did not eat for like ever and when friends were like ARE YOU SICK i realized i was not eating so i went on OPERATION GAIN WEIGHT and i would eat packs of bacon by itself. i am bacon. i am a coronary attack. i am surprised i am not dead. but bacon is soo fucking good. i really do not know where i was going with this because now i can not stop thinking about bacon. so i will add that to my transaction fee list for house sitting: 1)500grams of genoa 2)beer 3)bacon. ... its like breakfast lunch and dinner all rolled into one.

ps-i have some great photos from the last week or so and i just have been lazy but i like this one of bitch and i

anti homo

-so i usually refrain from talking or typing or whatever about current events because i am not all about getting into long heated discussion about views and beliefs and opinions because i am not all about heated discussions... however while sipping my coffee this morning i heard about this story on the news and ya:
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2006/10/26/bc-postal.html#skip300x250

Anti-homosexuality brochure held up at Canada
Post

Canada Post says a controversial religious brochure that condemns
homosexuality will be delivered to hundreds of homes in East Vancouver,
despite
the objections of letter carriers.

The 28-page pamphlet is published by a fundamentalist Baptist group
based
in Ontario, and condemns homosexuality as ungodly, unhealthy and
unnatural. Vancouver mail sorter Andy Henderson was the first person
at his
postal station to notice the pamphlet, and was shocked by what he
read.
"The first words I saw when I picked it up were: 'The plague of
this
21st Century:
the consequences of the sin of homosexuality (AIDS).'
"
He
and the other postal employees say they consider it hate mail
and have
refused to handle it.

"You wouldn't be able to find one television station that would accept
this ad mail as a 30-second advertising spot," said Henderson. "And yet
Canada
Post will take it. And their point is, 'If it's legal, we'll
deliver
it.' "

Canada Post management told the workers on Wednesday that it's not in the
business of censorship, and said the letters would be delivered.
That
stance
prompted about 60 postal workers at the Canada Post plant in downtown
Vancouver
to hold a short protest Thursday morning.

"So the employees walked out of this facility because most people are deeply
offended by the nature of the literature," said union local president Ken
Mooney.
He told CBC News that the workers have since returned to their
jobs,
waiting to see what management is going to do next.

"I'm now told they're not going to force us to handle this mail. So they've
backed off a little bit. So we're just waiting to see how this plays
out."
Brochures 'deemed appropriate' Canada Post spokeswoman Colleen
Frick
says the company has a contract to deliver the brochure and it will do
just
that.
She notes that it was "deemed acceptable and appropriate for
mailing
under the Canada postal guide.
"The criteria is very specific.
And if
something is not deemed obscene in nature, then the item will be
acceptable for
mailing. And this particular item was deemed appropriate. So
it will be
delivered."

The union says management has now indicated that the brochures will be
put in envelopes and delivered by management personnel

so it for some reason is specifically being delivered to east vancouver and i am in east vancouver and if i receive this flyer in the mail i will find the management of canada post and where they live and fuck bitch on their door step. this shit seriously irritates me. how is crap that is obviously hate mail towards homos is deemed acceptable for mailing. if i wrote something similar towards blacks or asians or jewish or whatever it would more than likely be deem unacceptable. what is the fucking difference. it is a piece of writing slanderous against a group in society. because it is pointed at homos its okay which says to me who ever okayed it on canada posts side needs a good ol' cock in his ass to re-align what is acceptable and what is not. i do not want to get into this really because i know how i feel about this shit and it will get into an issue of what is defined as what and where is the line etc and these discussions force me to drink. but do tell me what you think and if anybody is down for some good ol' fashioned firebombing do let me know.

costumely undesired cream

-so i thought i had relatively smart friends or at least my costume was sorta creative and obivous but on friday night i went to a costume party and i am broke and no costume so i improvised and i wore black and then safety pinned socks and underwear and shiznat to me and i entitled myself static cling but do you know what i was mistaken for the most....... LINT. um okay so i can sorta see how someone sees a bunch of laundry and associates it with lint but when was the last time you saw lint that had underwear and socks attached to IT. um not ever i am assuming. eventually i just took it off because i was tired of continuosly explaining my ghetto/obviously-not-obvious costume. i thought i was smart. well not really because i stole the idea from some girl in my grade 6 class but i am guilt free since she used to pick her nose which is fine by me everybody does but she would eat it after and i always thought she was a freak who liked to tap dance in one spot. she was crazy. but thanks for the costume idea bitch!!! i do have pictures but none of me because i was too busy getting my "LINT" drink on.

-last night bitch and i were watching tv and when i say there is like nothing to eat in our apartment i am pretty much serious unless you fancy eating dried lipton sidekicks because we do not have margarine or milk to make it with. anywayanyway we were watching tv and a dairy queen commercial came on and the commercial then seriously destroyed my brain and made me think of blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards blizzards and so on until i could not fight it anymore and walked to dairy queen and bought a double fudge cookie dough blizzard which was amazing. i also bought a box of peanut buster bars and ate like 2 of those and i felt disgusting but happy disgusting.

rambling art words

-can i even begin to explain how much i love expoldingdog.com probably not but i do and i find it sorta inspirational in a way that you can do drawings/paintings of anything you want. i love it. it makes me want to go home and paint. friends rodney and kristen came over to our place one night and they saw some of my paintings and they are like wow you should sell them and i said thank you and i explained that i am trying to paint more but i am have creative block issues and kristen was like YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK and i did not know what she was talking about and then on my birthday she presented me with this book

its called 'the artists way' by julia cameron and it is all about how to re-awaken your creative side and i know it sounds total hoaky but it is actually quite good and if you have an ounce of creativity in you you can relate to what this lady talks about in the book and it is good and at times she talks about god but i just replace god with a mental picture of my cat and all is good. you should all read it. anywayanyway i am believing rodney and kristen have taken me on as their project to become world famous or something because they are super awesome and now have commissioned me to do this huge painting for their living room like i am talking 6 feet by 3 feet which may not sound big but it is for me who is usually painting like 6 inches by 3 inches. but anywayanyway i have started it and i have done the background and i am all nervous to do the 'body' of the painting and i told rodney this over text message and his reply was "just have fun doing it or i will beat you up" so they are encouraging my creative side through threats of physical violence and i think that is great. that is meaning they love me. when i become famous i will buy them something nice. to all of you out there start sucking up now if you want me to select you to be my jeremy piven of my entourage

pathetically loving loss

-so um ya last weekend like sucked. at the end of it i went to a friends house to pick up something and i lost my phone on the bike ride back so i had to beg bitch to let me put a new cell phone on his future shop card because i had no money and finally he said yes and now i have a nice new phone that now even takes pictures but i really do not care about that because i have a camera as is but i am guessing this will come in handy when i encounter this one guy i see on the bus and i so happen to always sit across from him and he has a huge bulge that almost looks fake and i want to show people but now i can photograph it randomly and he wont know... oh actually i am liking the sounds of secret camera phones.

-wednesdays are my most favoritest non-drinking days ever because well let me re-phrase that it is not that i am not drinking on wednesdays because hi but i mean like it is not a friday or a saturday which are by default drinking days but i got lost there so never mind but what i am trying to say is i like wednesdays for tv on wednesdays. i know pathetic. first off top model is on and like every other fag and chicky-poo out there i am a devoted fan because well i do not know why but i am. then after top model is lost and i love that show even more and i sit there yelling LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON... WHY... I DONT GET IT ::sip sip wine sip sip:: WHAAAATTTT!??!? ... again i am not sure why because sometimes it is super slow moving in terms of plot but it is neat the concept but i dont get why if people did crash on an island there is not more sex going on like HELLO you have been stranded on an island for 2 months or so and yet no scenes of masturbation, copulation or ejaculation (oh my!).... like who are the writers of this show... nerdy prudes who still do not know that they can pull down their foreskins that is who.

-ummm i just got a call from some guy name HUSANE (sp?) from my bank and they love me and they like super love my plastic money habits and by habits i mean lets pay minimum payment and then take it off again and i no longer have a crazy credit limit like i did when i was 21 (hello $10,000 is not good for a 21 year old to posess because hello $14,000 consolidation loan to follow) so it is not that bad but HUSANE is wanting to express their appreciation of my bad spending habits and show me more credit love and up my limit and i said no. good thing because then tonight would have turned into a drunken tv show fest where i do shots of random expensive liquors during every commerical break and then i would not be able to remember any of the shows and i would be sad tomorrow morning with no memory of my favorite shows plus a headache stinking like alcohol so no thank you HUSANE ... i will keep my plastic money as is.

vice on my head

-ever had one of those weeks where like after everything you just want to shoot yourself in the face but not really shoot just like pertend to end it all type shoot because people piss you off something fierce that was my week and i hated it and i want to relax and drink and love bitch. the end... whatever tho last saturday was hot because we went to some 'vice' party whatever that means and i just knew there was free beer and i was like TOTE LETS GO and so we did and it was aight but the best part was after the buddy who invited us totaaly gave us a free case of beer like 24 free beer people and i was like i will call you SANTA and loved him. great guy,
i danced a lot all drunk like... i was the dancefloor.

bitch was fierce too with lady in denim she was like the coolest thing cause she was super duper trashed like.

asian onion/pictoral interlude: 10:01

-i am not sure what is going on in vancouver but it is like asian fleet week or something there are tons of asain males walking around the city the last couple of days dressed in sailor gear and what is really weird they all look like eachother like tote asian sailor clones with maps in hand it is sorta creepy.

-speaking of asians every morning i goto this bagel place to get a bagel because i am a stupid creature of habit and i like my onion bagel with bacon bit cream cheese and there are these japanese ladies that own and run it and everymorning that i go down and they see me they like yell ONION BACON CHEESE and i always laugh and for some reason today it was louder then normal and it echoed in the hall and i even saw people look back like maybe i have tourettes but it was not me and i feel like norm from cheers when how he would walk in they said NORM but i am cool because i am ONION BACON CHEESE.
pointless really.

-bitchs camera broke a bit ago and he sent in and he just got it back and he was excited so on sunday we went out and he took pictures of stuff and me and i like most of the pictures here are some.



this one is my favorite... i love how i look like i just fell down the stairs...



i took this one... i do not want bitch to get all the credit for great photos especially for one i took even though it is not that good.





ps-if no one comments on how great some of the above pix are you are all fucking blind...

pictoral interlude: ME

-i was looking for pictures of someone for a friend on old cd's and i came across a few pictures of me where i am like whoa i was self obsessed but that was at a time when i was just starting to like me and men and i was becoming happy with myself and who i was and when you are not happy with yourself and you become happy with yourself you go fucking ape shit about yourself and i took a bunch of pictures of me liking myself. and now i am going to post some of my favorites because i am still liking myself but i do not have a valid excuse anymore except a touch of unwarrented vanity.


ps-the shot with the turtle 1)no the turtle isn't real and 2)i am not high. ty.


and i always like this one.

oh yeah and also i have a new hair dresser because he did an awesome job and got it the way i liked it and not to mention his beginning tea tree oil with a minty smell head massage was delightful and worth the money. we talked about guys and what movie actor we would like as a daddy/lover. i said richard gere in the days of pretty woman.

jaw hair no more

-dear jaw. you still hurt when i open you too wide. i am unsure as to why. bitch actually thinks you are in pain from the leftover cold stuff which i was like BITCH YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT but after talking with coworker she said she would have jaw pains when little due to colds so because of you hurting jaw you made me realize bitch is not JUST a pretty face but has some intelligence or is very lucky with throwing out random diagnosisisis without actually knowing what he is talking about. dear hurting jaw please stop because just trying to figure out if i goto a doctor or a dentist is hurting my brain. i think it is a doctor but i will be angry if they say dentist. dear hurting jaw. stop. i had troubles eating my pizza sub from subway with no pizza sause with a tiny bit of lettuce and a bit of onion with extra mayo toasted please and i even splurged on got bacon but i had troubles enjoying because of you jaw. in other news mr. jaw my teeth stopped hurting and my scab has completely fallen (read: torn) off now so you should stop your bodily annoyance that you are causing. love me.

-my hair has hit that point again of absolute unstylability and the last person of professional salon qualities who cut it did an okay job but for 50 something bucks i would have liked the actual style to last more than a week so i am going somewhere new and i have an idea of what i want and this time i am going to a fag because at least he i think will have a better idea of what i am wanting since i have more faith with a fag cutting a fags hair than a hag cutting a fags hair. we shall see. if he does bad then i will not be angry because i have a 50% off coupon and i will punch him in the throat and that will make me feel better if my hair is shit.

-friend bucci is in germany visiting his other half and they saw paris hilton and they waved to her and she did not wave back. he hates her anyway. he has a present for me that apparently he purchased off drunk italian monks and they even blessed the gift for me in a drunken manor which i am hoping he is not meaning puke but then again who has drunken italian monk puke on a souvenier nobody except me that is who. bucci returns on saturday and he and i are going to partake in our own drink fest. he has an xbox that is chipped or something that it can play ANY game from ANY gaming console like i am talking nintendo, atari, genisis, super nintendo and like tons more from back in the day. i spent last sunday playing old nostalgic game after nostalgic game... its great.


like seriously it was sad how much fun i had....

recommendation

-so i just finished this book 'a complicated kindness' by mirian toews and i have to say that it has been a while that i have come across an author that once finishing a book of theirs wanting to go out and buy more and reading all their stuff because i am a freak like that. i did that with john irving and tom robbins. i love their writing and i enjoy miriams too because she has this ability to throw in quick wit in moments that you would not expect and at one point she describes how the main character (nomi) is trying to get ahold of the boy she is involved with after they slept together for the first time and the chaotic franticness she goes throw to find him totally reminded me of situations very similar when i started coming out and sleeping with men and they would not call and in my immaturity i would like track them down to find they had no interest in calling me etc. anyway that moment in the book and on totally captured me and had me stuck. so i am buying more of her stuff. sorry if i just ruined anything but like i said at that moment in the book is where i totally related and realized her ingenious story telling ability. when i was finished i was not satisfied but i was but i was left going BUT BUT but then i again i was happy the way it ended but but...

jaw teeth elbows and snot

-so since i was/am sick well i am not really sick any more i am just in that phase where it is the after effects and when i say after effects i mean like tons of excess snot but ya since then i am just in the mood for complaining about stupid stuff like my jaw is fucked for some reason it is feeling like i preformed fellatio for something stupid like 5 hours or something and let me tell that is not the reason because i barely have the patience or attention span to blow off bitch for more than 2 minutes. i do not know what i did to it but i can only open it so far. maybe if i ignore it it will eventually go back to normal. who knows. um on friday night bitch and i enjoyed deep fried perogies and beer and at one point i bit into something and i do not know what something but whatever it was it shot pain all through out my right side of my teeth. it hurt like hell. then next day i went to drink a beer and i got the shooting pain from the cold. then again last night. i am thinking i fucked up one of my fillings or something. who knows. this morning it wasnt so bad. i hate dentists. my elbow from falling off my bike back when is pissing me off because the scab keeps getting snagged on stuff and ripping and it hurts like hell but probably not really but as i said i am just in a whiny fucking mood so for the time being YES it hurts like hell.

-what i can not complain about was mariah carey on saturday night and yes bitch and i did actually go see the concert and it was actually very good. say what you will about the diva bitch that she is protrayed as or is but girl can fucking sing. unlike all the poptarts out there since she is not concerned with dancing and shit she sings the whole way through and not skimping out on those ever famous high notes. it was good. except for this whiny guy named tray or tre or whatever but he sang two really bad r-kelly type songs and i almost left if he broke into a third but he was just there to keep us 'entertained' while she did a costume change that consisted of adding sunglasses and a necklase to what she was wearing previously. but ya. and busta ryhmes as an opening act was not too shabby either.

-i was waiting for bitch to get off work yesterday so i was in chapters and i always make a point of going to the art section to see if there are any more dali books that i do not already have and some dumb chick is standing in front of all the andy warhol books and she goes DARREN WHO IS ANDREW WARHOL .... IS HE A SINGER... WHY DOES HIS NAME SOUND FAMILIAR and i almost puked at her stupidity. to top it off her boyfriend did not even know. i wanted to say something but i saw she was wearing ankle socks with her flat half open toe shoes and i figure it would be a lost cause. she knew who tupac was though because she squeeled when she saw that 'TUPAC JUST PUT OUT A NEW BOOK... I MISS TUPAC... I BET HE STILL IS ALIVE...' um ya. i wish you could hit random strangers and not get charged for it.

note: i think it may be the excess snot but i think the guy throwing the punch is sorta sexy in that hillbilly way.

sick riddled tv

-so thank you mr.weather changing gawds for changing the weather very suddenly to like super hot and nice where i can go out and smoke in the moring in my shorts or underwear pending on my levels of exhibitionismsims to getting up and throwing on layers of clothing to go out and smoke and shiver because it is all cold like and now because of the change of the weather i have one of those horrible change of the weather colds. every time i type 'change of the weather' i am reminded of an old limerick my dad always used to say about a man from madras who had balls made of glass and with the change of the weather he'd rub them together and lightining shot out of his ass or something like that but i always liked the one that now i think about it was not a limerick but it ended like 'paco now he was a fucker he lined his ass with shards of glass and circumsized the skipper' and that always made me giggle when i was young maybe a forshadowing of my gayness at the thought of a skipper sticking it into paco. i always prayed i would not meet paco. i like my foreskin. um anyway i am sick. everytime i am sick i bitch about being sick because i hate being sick. i was sent home yesterday from the office because i was sick. i watched really bad day time tv like rachel ray and that woman is annoying if i knew her somehow i would slip some sort of downer into her food but she has such an adundance of energy she probably would not even know. she smiles too much and laughs at stupid shit. then i did nothing. you know, what sick people do except blow snot everywhere and stuff. oh and then i watched more tv and i watch dog the bounty hunter and say what you will but i know tons of people out there who are like YOU WATCH THAT and i am like ya and then they are like YA ME TOOO all sad with themselves but i find it funny and they had this special about how he got arrested regarding the mexico thing where he captured that raptist guy who was the heir to max factor fortune and stuff and i think if he is sent to mexico to face charges i will lose all hope for man kind. not really but that is sorta sad. oh i also was flipping and i used to watch days of our lives when i was in high school with some chick friends and i always thought the lady who plays hope was pretty now she looks like skeletor and i am like ewww. beau is still pretty though. um what else. nothing really because i am sounding really sad from all the crappy tv i watched yesterday. ps i like neo-citron with rye and my mom told me so did my grandpa. and she would say to him DAD you are not to drink alcohol and then neo-citron and he would say NO i am drinking with the neo-citron. hah. just like me. tote loved that man. ::sigh::

poking the random pepper

-so ya last night i had the worst fucking dream ever ever like to the tune of someone was running around killing people with a mask a la scream and then i was confronted with this killer and when i saw the killer i stabbed the fucker in the throat and took the mask off and it was my mom and i cried in my dream like hardcore and she just said can you do it again to end this but do not pull the knife out so hard that sorta hurts and i cried more and she said its okay darling do this for mom and i did and i cried and i cried and i hated myself and when i awoke i was actually crying like almost on the verge of bawling and i never had that where i have woken up super duper super sad and all tears and snot everywhere it was weird and bitch was super concerned and then i could not really sleep properly and i wanted to call my mom and be like I WILL NEVER STAB YOU EVEN IF YOU HAVE KILLED PEOPLE but then at like 5 am she may think my marbles are being lost in the glasses of beer. i have never had a dream put me in a such a weird funk before. i need a drink.
random picture time!

i like this picture because it looks like the father unit is about to poke his fucking eye out but no he did not but it is a cool shot nonetheless.

girl just did NOT stick her hand into my cheeser pleeser bag!!! ps-i love cheeser pleesers when drunk it is like salty cheese styrofoam HEAVEN



btw that is friend meliza and i was offering my sperm to her to create babies. meliza is great.

when you have a boyfriend who is all like LETS PHOTOSHOOT DRUNK STYLE and i am like okay that is a great idea and then i see the pictures afterwards i realize i am a hardcore fag. but FIERCE!

oh and ps. guess who came into crapland last night while i was working my evening shift...

the drummer or whatever from red hot chili peppers and i did not know who he was i was just thinking he looked like someone i would give a blowjob too in the fitting room if he asked me but then this one girl was all freaking out in this quiet OMG OMG OMG way and he was nice to me i was helping him with jeans and he tried them on and he came out and they were neatly folded and he said THEY ARE NOT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR and walked away he was nice then freaking-out co-worker goes up to him and is like ARENT YOU GONNA MISS THE CONCERT (they were playing at GM place last night and they were staying at the Four Seasons and the mall i work at is right below so he was just pre-show shopping) and he said well its only 7:00 and we go on at 9 so no and she said oh can i have your autograph and he did it politely. i am not a huge peppers fan but dude was cute but OLD looking. does not age well... whatev i was more excited about joanna kerns but i would not give her head in the fitting room.