no one dawn

-because it is a lazy saturday and plus i am on pager duty i am sitting at home well i did go visit the skwirls cats and pet them and said hi and fed them and pet them some more and then came home and on much music because i guess they do not believe in playing music videos any more but they are playing the mtv awards over and over and over it is like all they are playing and anyway i keep watching because my favorite performance was alicia keys not britney thank you mind you i did watch to see how britney would do and not because i am so like oh my gawd in love with her no no but because as a human being i was hoping she would pull it off but it turns out she is just a retarded cow and i feel sorry for her kids but anywayanyway alicia fucking rocked it for me with her 'no one' performance which broke out into freedom but i have to admit there was a time that alicia annoyed me though i thought her songs were good but when i saw her like this

i would be like whoa... but since she has gotten this whole like soulful thing going on and i enjoy that alot better then ghetto gansta alicia it is not her sorta like khakis with pleats ... just do not work in some way you know. i like her like this

tote boner!!

and that is my saturday. shari is coming over and we will sit here and talk about stuff no one would understand. you have to like be attached at the brain for 12 years to understand. that type of conversation cause that is what we do. and smoke. that too.

-oh and dawn i came up with and have started a painting for you specifically because i remember a long time ago i said i would paint ________ with __________ . and you thought it was a great idea and it never happened because i flake sometimes but its cool and anyway ya i remembered this conversation in a complete random moment and so now i actually started it too but you will like it and if you dont you will still have to pay for the shipping sucka. and oh and yes totally on the mia pre drinks. JIMMY ---- ACHA

mormon wine breath

-last night i learned of the three words when said together make you almost choke on wine. true story. the three words okay well i guess four sorry its morning math skills are lacking but anywayanyway....

GAY-MORMON-FLIGHT ATTENDANT



i know. totally eh?!. its like which one of those words does not belong with the other. ugh. the fags survivor picks to be on their shows are always so... i dunno... gay?. i wanna see him bitch it out with the i-love-jesus radio show host and then go and suck off the surf instructor.

i thought it was bad but when i went to the website to grab the above picture i read the homo's bio and ya, it like got worse...:

"He describes himself as fantastic, amazing, awesome and
super-original...."

"He thinks the Spice Girls are the most significant historical event of the past 100 years and is unbelievably stoked that they are going on a reunion tour this winter."

have i mentioned that he is mormon too?


-this morning when i woke up and i staggered outside to smoke i had to grab a hoodie because i can see my breath now and that sucks and with that i say good bye summer that never was.


-i thought i had more to say but apparently not.

sitting on the hawaiian sickness

-i am having to house sit for skwirl because the bitch has gone to hawaii and not that she is a bitch but she is because she is in hawaii. anyway house sitting consists of sitting on her couch and watching sex and the city since she has like ALL of them and pet her cats and then i drink the wine i find in her cupboards and then i eat the genoa. but the genoa she bought for me. that is my payment. i have discussed this before i know but you know what since it is 2 weeks worth of watching she went all out and bought 500g of peppered genoa and omg the best ever parmesean genoa. have you had that before? you should it is fucking stinky sock heaven. so in memoria of hawaii lets take a look at one of my favorite pictures of when bitch and i went to hawaii....

yep. wanna go back....

-you know when someone is sick at your work place and they are always like the only one who ever calls in sick and no one else does either because we are fucking idiots or said person is lying i am not sure but i am getting really agitated by everytime said person is "sick" because then shit falls on my desk when i do not need anymore shit on my desk and then when one of said sick persons friends call and even mention said "sick" persons name i cringe and want to be like YOU TELL [ ] THAT THEY BETTER GET THEIR ASS IN EARLY TOMORROW CAUSE THERE IS MAJOR SHIT TO DEAL WITH and then i find stuff in said persons pile of work that i gave to send out back oh last week. ya. not happy. when i was on the bus on the way home i was still agitated that when some scuzzy guy mumbled to some chick WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT i wanted to take my "a fine balance" and take the spine and smash it in his nose. ya. i am having issues. i will be okay though i think. oh wait pager week again... no i will not be okay this week. go ahead... page me and tell me your problems.... i will tell you mine.

-i feel all bitchy like. i am just going to stop.

-anyway, so i wont stop just yet because i wanted to show my newest painting project well ya as 3 of the unfinished ones sit and seethe but that is okay

elizabeth saw the green side and said she liked the waves in it but i just shared a bowl with her so ya... now i just need to figure out what to do from here. maybe i will start another new one and let this one sit for a while. thats how i roll. no wonder i am not selling shit.

denim breakfast dreams

-i am not sure where the hell they are coming from but lately i've been having some really messed up dreams all crazy like and some of them have not been fun where you all like wake up and are all sweaty and gross and all panicy and then you mentally say to yourself phew that was just a dream and then you sit there and can not get back to sleep because you are then analyzing the dream and thinking what the hell it was about and i wonder if i did this or that but it does not matter cause its over but you still think about it and then go back to sleep like 45 minutes later. those are always fun. the other night it was about some freaks doing drive bys and then busting into my apartment. thats the short version. probably because last week was sober week.

-these are bitch's photos but i am going to show some of them. thanks bitch.


have you ever wondered what bitch looks like eating a burger? well you are in luck today...








normally on the tire swing i like to be spun around so fast that your head flys back and you are trying to lift your head and you can not because you are spinning so fast and your face looks mildly retarded as your are trying to fight it. that is fun. but we did not do that then because we just ate and you can imagine the outcome.

-bitch, shari and i went shopping for jeans last night and shari and i succeeded and i got these jeans that are a pretty nice fit but the crotch area is a little tight well tighter than what i am used to but they look good however shari said that if i get a boner i am toast but what she does not know is that maybe that is why i bought them. HA.

-bitch bitched about me posting his pictures and i said thank you and so i took down a bunch them that i was going to originally post but then he said NO DON LEAVE THEM UP and now i am confused.

bearing the sleeping ink

-this morning when i woke up i felt like it was fall already. i do not know why but it was depressing.
and with that i instantly felt like hibernating. maybe that is why i am eating mozza burgers like no tomorrow. i am storing fat for the winter. or i am just storing fat. i am feeling moo'ish. i had salads for lunch 2 days in a row and they were caesar salads and i asked for extra bacon and parm cheese so i might as well have had the mozza burgers.


-last friday elizabeth called and was like WOOO LETS PARTY and so i gathered my stuff and went to a friends birthday party first and then they started to go a direction i was not feeling so i left to meet up with elizabeth and bitch and tanya and amanda joined me over at her apartment and it was fun and we all loved her dress and then i started to fall asleep. like goodnight. and bitch was like THIS MEANS WE NEED TO GO so we left and when i got home i fell asleep on the floor and bitch thought it would be hilarious to hide me in laundry which he did and that is my foot sticking out of the bottom. true story. talk about disorienting when i woke up i had the WHERE THE HELL AM I?!#$! thing going on but that is about on par for a saturday morning. imagine if i suffocated and died in laundry. that would make people laugh at my funeral and they would slap their knee and be like TYPICAL JARED. i know it.

-i watched la ink last night and i said that is it and i have designed my next tattoo. i just need to take it in now for a consultation to the cute japanese lady who did my reap n sow tattoo because her lines are so perfect and that is what i need. i am excited.

pictoral interlude - me day

-so these are pictures from friday night and it was fun and i got all fucked up all birthday style when its your birthday you do it well and with the help of a gift that was a camel backpack thingy full of gin and tonic thanks to bucci and that is the thing you will see half way through me sucking on and shoving in peoples mouths.. i know. hot huh. good times and thanks for people coming out and sorry for the vespa bullshit but whatev. needless to say i woke up weird and lost my phone and camera and i hated 27 but then all was found and i liked 27 again. phew it was a close one too. oh and i had my i am 27 now open mouth pose the whole night. i was trying to perfect it horribly. happy birthday to me.















"the name is ameda or adema either way ill fuck you up..."




when i look at elizabeth i seriously wonder what she is thinking...


this picture is so the overload of adorable, no?


hahahahah...sucker