knowing about jaundice paint

-so that is my newest painting i am working on but it is not done. i have come to the conclusion that i can not finish paintings. i suck at completing stuff. well painting at least. i should start an exhibition entitled INCOMPLETE i would be more successful that way i think. i am all about texture as you can see i am just playing though. the painting is sitting on my new art easel that bitch got me for christmas. i love it.

-so bitch and i have internet at home and i thought that since i now have internet at home i would be an uber loser and be on it all the time but bitch is all about myspace so it is hard to seperate him from the computer i have not had a chance to use it but that is okay because i am a fucking loser and went out and bought a nintendo dslite for myself plus 3 games. i have been too enthralled with that to even care about the internet or bitch for that matter.

-i helped friend skwirl move on the weekend and it sucked because everyone bailed so it was just skwirl and i and i was fucking HUNG OVER from the night before of drinking with friends at home and the first piece of furniture we move i totally squached my hand between a wall and sofa and it hurt to the point i was almost in tears and i thought i broke it but i did not and now it has a funny yellow gross jaundice color to it and it hurts alot and sore and it sucks because it is the hand i er...um write with.

-you know when you think someone knows something about you but you are not sure but you do not want to ask because just in case they do not know but you want to know but can not ask... i dislike that.

sympathy credit sucking

-i was speaking very briefly to elizabeth on msn and she is not feeling well not so much whatsoever and when she was describing her head all congested like and stuff and how her nose and eyes are running and as she was saying well not saying as i was reading what she typed my eyes started to water all crazy like for no reason and i was like I AM HAVING SYMPATHY RUNS and then she had to go lie down. then out of boredom i was looking at my previous life and what is really weird but not really because i am sure people are sick and all runny gross like always somewhere in the world but i will make this to be like a SUPER CRAZY COINCIDENT ... i was sick exactly 5 years ago on this day... here is my post from January 26, 2002:
* * * * * *
1.26.o2
-i am not so sure that i am all healthy right now. i have caught a cold. i do not think the word caught is a good word to use because when i think 'caught' i think of something i was after or chasing to get but a cold is definately not something i chase after. instead the cold was inflicted upon me by some mean germs i guess and now i am all runny like. my eyes and nose are having races to release the most fluid. i think right now my eyes are winning because they do not stop watering where as with my nose i can go SNNNNIFFIFCHIFHFH and it is not so runny anymore and that is usually when people yell BLOW YOUR NOSE!@! but it is easier to go SNNNNNIFIFIIFCHIFHICH!@#

this cold thing started yesterday morning when i woke up and i think yesterday morning was a very bad morning for me. i woke up with this big ol headache, one nostril completely plugged. i got up to get dressed and smashed my knee on my chair. i stumbled around to get dressed and actually did that and then i went outside to start my truck and then my truck made funny sounds. i was very angry with that because i just finished paying moneymoney for the truck to be fixed and now it was broken again. so i had to drive to the doctor of mechanical expertise to fix it and i said CAR DOCTOR MAN!!! YOU JUST HEALED T-RIDE AND NOW T-RIDE IS BROKEN AGAIN!@! FIX THIS!@> because i was not feeling well. so they fixed it and it was the belt or something. i am thinking though i should not be grumpy like with people who work on vehicles because they can do stuff that can make you have to bring it in again so you pay them more and they laugh at you because you are broke from being grumpy. sort of like a waiter thing... never be mean to them because they can 'accidently' spit in your food and you not know it and as you eat and go OOOH AND AAHHH they laugh knowing you are savoring mouth juice from them.

anyway anyway, then i was late for work because i had to wait for the doctor of mechanical expertise to fix the t-ride. so it was not a good morning. but as the day strecthed out it was all okay i guess. i liked it best when a lady from my bank called me. i became all worried like thinking they reviewed my account and said LOOK AT SPENDING HABITS!! DEAR LORD!@# TAKE PLASTIC MONEY AWAY!@>! but it was not like that instead a lady with a nice voice told me that i had good pay back habits (who would have thunk it) and they wanted to give me more PLASTIC MONEY!@# i asked how much and she said 1500 and i said OH and i guess she thought i was disappointed with 1500 but i was not i was shocked because i just was given 500 and then she said HOW ABOUT 2000>!? and i said NONONO because i will spend that on stuff i do not need and be stuck in a debt state so i said HOW ABOUT 1000 and she agreed. thank you BANK LADY!@#!# [mechanical laugh]
* * * * * *
crazy eh? i thought so... (i love that i was even more long winded back than too... and that was before the I AM A DRUNK lifestyle).
what i laugh about though when i am reading this stuff is that the bank part about the credit and i was like NONONO LADY DONT GIVE ME CREDIT well i wonder what happened to that frame of mind because hi shortly after they uped my limit to a HUGE limit which i loved especially when i 'realized' i was gay and was like PARTY ALL THE TIME PARTY ALL THE TIME all eddie murphy style and totally payed for everybody. hah. i am still licking my wound called a consolidation loan....

and ps- all of you still suck. i post more pictures of tango and not one reply. fuck you. people can post pictures of their dogs and cats and its all fucking OMG YOUR PET IS SO ADORABLE everywhere... i post pictures of my turtle and not one comment. you all suck or there is no 'you all'. i think that is the case. sorry.

pictoral interlude - tango

-tangos got his own myspace.

trying to remember maui internet

-lately i have been missing hawaii something bad. it is all this horrible rainy weather i am sure but i am missing it and i want to go away. it was this time last year i was getting incredibly excited for hawaii even though i was not travelling until may but it was booked and signed and sealed and we were for sure going. i do not know where we are going to go this year... i am hearing rumblings of mexico and that would be fun because nothing like a week of nothing'ness and drinking and all inclusive are magical words meaning drink all you want.

not to mention i miss the tanning that was always fun in hawaii... and being called BRA. that was fun. i also miss the hawaiian people on the end of this huge pier thing in waikiki where there were these kids all sketched out and it made me think of DOG the bounty hunter and his crusade against crystal meth. that was fun.

and i miss when bitch and i were looking for some place to go hang out with other hawaii fags and some guy tried sending us to a porn shop that had glory holes in the bathroom because you know that was what i was looking for when i asked him HEY IF YOU WERE A FAG WHERE WOULD YOU GO TO HAVE FUN... that was fun. when i gave the guy colorful words back to his recommendation like YOU ARE SENDING US TO A PLACE WITH GLORY HOLES??!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY he called me bitchy after that. hah. that was funny. then we went to some gross gay club that was uber boring but the beer was cheap. that was sorta fun. we got sushi and beer after and ate that at our hotel listening to the big hula type music from below our room. that was fun. anway i am just missing hawaii...

-so as of wednesday bitch and i will have actual internet at our apartment not just psuedo internet that we are jackingoff some people who are stupid to leave their wireless connections open. but ya... so that is exciting not to have to hang my laptop half way out our bedroom window just to get a signal.

-at home during the evening i will be doing something and i will think HAH THAT WAS FUNNY I WILL TYPE THAT TOMORROW ON MY BLAWG and then come the next day i start to try and think of what that was because i remember it being super funny especially how i can twist it to make bitch look uber silly and me uber fucking genious but then i forget and i am left with shit to type about except about how i think of stuff to type but then forget. sorry.

todays day of the word: UBER (ooo-burrr). adjective: fag talk for BIG TIME or HARSH or INSANELY BIG.

ie-"bitch is an UBER fag..."

laser blahs and nativity wives

-this morning on the news they were talking about winter blahs and they did this story in toronto and i found it funny because its like their first snowfall and suddenly they are depressed...? um okay. but anyway they were interviewing this lady and they showed how she cures her blahness and it showed how she sits down opens her legs and sticks this thing in between and i was like THAT WILL CURE YOUR BLAHNESS ALL RIGHT but it was just a lamp and she stares at it.... um okay. the story would have been so much better if they recommendededed masturbating for the cure. i would have an excuse for the winter months suddenly too!!!

-on the weekend we went to the laser light show and the last time i went i was completely stoned and with a group of people who were on mushrooms and oh ya i was in like grade 10 so it was super fun back then but on the weekend i went sober and sans people of fungus and it fucking sucked. they played the beattles elenor rigby for christ sakes. um i like that song sure but for laser song effects that was a bad choice. i recommend you do not waste your money.

-i watched tv last night and there was this thing on hip hop wives and i learneded that snoop dog has a wife of like 20 years or something. i did not know that. it surprises me. not because he is all hot because he is not but that i have never heard of her before and she talks just like he does.. you know stoned.

-jabba the bitch learned that he is actually 1/4 native. HOLY CRAP huh? it has already gotten to his head because he does talking like DONT LITTER THIS IS MY LAND!! and I WILL GET SCHOOL FOR FREE BECAUSE YOUR PEOPLE BOUGHT MY PEOPLE OFF WITH BOOZE. so ya. it will be fun. i should call him jabba-hontas.

-see i have nothing significant to say so i just thought i would share some random stories all of which are true. except for me masturbating all the time. lately i have been lazy and too tired to even do that. oo maybe next time i will share the super secret coy way of shitting in public washrooms without making KERPLOOSH sounds. are you in suspense........?

relinquish the tango paint

-i just realized probably from now on and forever ever most of my little posts title things will revolve around tango because if you have not caught on i love him a lot. speaking of tango jabba the bitch with one statement uttered from his mouth has relinquished any ownership of tango because we were sitting there and we were looking at our hydro bill and i made some comment that with tango our hydro may be a bit more up there because we are always leaving his light on and filter and he said well we could have gotten the internet then and i turned to jabba and said all shocked SO YOU ARE SAYING YOU WOULD RATHER THE INTERNET THAN TANGO??????? and he said yes. so he has relinquishededed. i really like that word. i have not ever really used that i know of consciously and that night i turned and said I AM NOW SOLE PROPRIETOR AND YOU HAVE NOW RELINQUISHED ALL OWNERSHIP OF TANGO AND HE IS NOW MINE AND IF WE DIVORCE I GET CUSTODY to which he said TOTE. i do not know where the words relinquished and proprietor came from and i do not even know if they are used properly there but it sounded good and it confused jabba either that or his mind started to wander to food i am not sure but all i know is tango is mine. not ours. mine. hah. relinquished. when i type that word i picture squeezing soy beans and i do not know why but i just do.
-i just looked up the words proprietor and relinquished and i am fucking brilliant because i did proper usage.

-speaking of tango i am such a loser that i just got paid and instead of thinking things like beer, food, beer, beer, rye, beer and more food ... i am thinking things like stuff for tango. oy.

-i wish there was another painting jam tonight but as far as i know there is not but i want to go and use all my friends supplies again and paint something neat and have another friend see it and ask to buy it. that was cool. i have yet to sell a painting because i get all stupid and soft and just give them away but i need to stop doing that. from now on i am selling. no more giving. just selling. however keenan you can try and win it in a game of poker... just an idea...

-i am reading john irvings book Until I Find You because it came out in soft cover and i refused to buy it when it came out in hardcover because i am one of the picking book freaks and hates hardcover books but anywayanyway i forgot how much i love john irving and it is making me want to go back and read all of his other books which i have re-read like 3 times already one of my favorites being a prayer for owen meany which is a great book. i am not plowing through this book like i did the da vince code because with irving i like to savor his books. they are fucking great actually. highly recommend.

pictoral interlude - painting jam

-on friday night i went over to friend tylers and a bunch of met up and brought all our art supplies and shit and we just drank and paintededed.







-that is friend tyler... if you live in vancouver and pick up this months xtrawest you will see friend tyler on the cover talking about his comic strip about fags in vancouver called the brotherhood mind you the article is so full of it because like at one point it says tyler is a top. HAH!








and that was my final outcome but i am actually still touching up because near the end of the night when the drinks were sliding down my throat a little easier my attention span and any skill i may have diluted with the rye. but all in all it was fun doing this because it was neat seeing other peoples styles and skills and what the come up with like the computer programmer of the group did this thing with colorful swoops and then painted 1's and 0's all over the place. but ya good times. we are going to do this again and then open a gallary and be the richest group of fags you will ever know. more so than n'sync. mark my words people....

tango jabba paint

-that is a picture of jabba the bitch i took the other day to get my point across hah well no really i know it looks super life like but i actually just cut and paste bitch's head onto jabba haha i am great and i thought about putting it on the fridge to stop jabba the bitch from eating but knowing jabba it would just REMIND him to eat... so i veto'd that idea. jabba asked me if i thought he was fat but i said very nicely because i know how these questions go i said NO YOU ARE NOT FAT YES YOU HAVE GAINED A BIT OF WEIGHT AND I PREFER THAT ACTUALLY BUT NO YOU ARE NOT FAT and jabba said so you are saying i am fat and i was like NO... and then i stopped because it was going to go in circles and i did not him to get dizzy and get sick since he just finished two mini pizzas. he was eating tons because he had like 6 days off in a row. the other day he was walking and i called him WHAT ARE YOU DOING? and he said JABBA'S ON THE MOVE!!! and i laughed i though that was funny and then when he got home he said he had to eat to make up for all the calories he burnt off.... i am thinking he has seen some of my bear (as in big fat gay hairy guys not furry cute animals) porn and is thinking that is what i am all into. hah. sucka!!!

-um you all suck because not one of you said HEY I LOVE YOUR TURTLE and maybe because you think i do not actually own one well i do now own one and i know for sure because i spent all morning turkey basting all his turtle shit out of the tank. thank you for all your kind comments that you never sent or advise on how to take care of turtles or even stories about how you had a turtle and he died or something. whatev i love tango and so would you if you saw him in person.

update:sorry dawn i forgot that i did not post a picture.... now you suck it! hah. he is cute no?
update 2: actually i did post a picture of tango back on the 25th. i retract my apology. you all go back to sucking!!! but i will leave this one up just in case if scrolling down is too hard to do.


-i am going to a 'painting jam' that is what friend tyler is calling it so ya and i will let you know what i paint but since i am thinking tyler fucking stole the idea from when i told him i want to have painting parties with raymi so i am going to paint something and i will tribute it to raymi since she can not be there to slap tyler for stealing our idea.

new year da vinci couch

-happy new year. bah. i went to friend sharis for new years with bitch and we drank and i fell asleep on the dog bed. then sharis dad made us breakfast the next morning and it was good. the end.

-at christmas friend shari bought me a copy of the da vinci code book and i normally would not have read it or bought it but since she bought it for me i thought i would give it a go and needless to be saying i am almost done it and i started it like a week a go. i am just plowing through. it is good. surprised me but i am guessing it would not be a best seller if it was not. i have the movie but i have not watched it because i am wanting to finish the book first but last night i decided to watch it though i was not finished the book but because i had a couple of beer i fell asleep and do not remember so that is good.

-last night before the movie i went and had drinks with bucci, tyler and randy and it was good seeing them and we toasted new years and we realized tyler is single because he has a fear of flatulance and we explained this to the waiter chick and she laughed and said she would not break up with someone because they fart but she would if they dutchovened her and i told her that her and i would never work out. she went to tell a story about this girl and we thought the story would be about flatulance since that was what we were talking about and then she left and then came back to finish her story and it was about her coworker who was to meet up with some guy who was dared to go back to her place and do a strip tease for a stranger and he never showed and she just kept pouring her coworker drinks. her story sucked. we left her a tip though because she sounded like she had permanent hellium voice.

-tango is good. he is cute. i still love him because he has not died yet.

ps-
i was going to make another post but i like to stick to my one post a day rule anywayanyway from this day forward bitch is no longer bitch... he is jabba. as in jabba the hut. he is devouring our apartment and he is not stopping and i do not mind really because whatev i do not care but i care when he eats all the food i bought the previous night. i called him jabba the bitch and he loves it actually. i am excited that i get to be the mentally abusive boyfriend. i heard him with some wrapper or something and i yelled out this morning WHAT ARE YOU NOW!!! (notice i said it not with question marks but with exclimnation points because i was not asking i was stating). stupid jabba.

and he also likes to take pictures of me sleeping on the couch and though yes i am doing some admiting that it may not look super duper comfy but it obviously was if i am sleeping no... or i drank too many beer i am not sure but the point is i was sleeping so i am fine.