ashes ashes, we all FLL down

-i am back from fort lauderdale. i am having some nice color. sun is good. but with the color i have bits of dead skin flaking off with every little scratch like my back is looking like a piece of dried flaky filo paper and when i scatch my back and i look behind me there is a pile of skin on my couch it is so cute like the pile of skin the lady with the Pedegg dumps out in the add. but other than that color, i also acquired some hot scars on my face because i am a fucking idiot with bad balance and does not watch where he goes. so it starts of with stairs...

and then there is me...

and after spending the day and the day prior in the sun i was not feeling super hot well not literally because my skin was burning but too much sun my stomach feels weird feeling...

in combination of some vodka orange juice and your results are this:

so i fought gravity tooth and nail and i lost and my glasses betrayed me and teamed up on my eye and caused LACERATIONS i really like that word better than gashes or cuts. LACERATED. i got my stitches out yesterday and i am glad because they were driving me nuts because the doctor (CCAAAUUUTTTTTTEE) in florida who stitched me up used blue thread and did not trim the ends short so from the corner of my eye i would see this blue thread waving in the air so i eventually did trim them but then they were itchy and i had accidently pulled one out so anyway i got the other ten out yesterday. now time for scars.

anyimafuckingidiot other than that florida was amaaazing. randyman and bucci were excellent host even when their guests scratch their hard wood floor with the face they still treated me well and fed me well and watered me well and i liked their pool even though randyman thinks the temp should be at 35c° even in the middle of the day. dali museum was such a great thing that i could not even try to describe what it is like to see his paintings in front of you in real life. i almost got teary but that is because i am emotional bitch and even cried during the season finale of lost but that is another story of retardedness. we also did busch gardens and that was so much fun especially coasters that take your ass up 200 ft and then drop you back down at a 90° angle is sooo much fun especially when you think you are going to die and you smell bacon no really i did on the second straight down what the fuck drop i smelled bacon.



at this moment you think you will plummit head first and die as they dangle you there for about 3 seconds...

but if i had died i would have been happy as my last meal would have been the breakfast that morning...

the waitress stared at my shirt then my plate and was like AMAZING. i know.

anybacon there were hippos and hyenas and giraffes and meeeeeeeeercats and birds and monkeys and gorillas and a tiger and leeeeeeemurs and dorchester and stuffed turtles. it was fun.












i love these two... especially when they are eating and throwing their scraps in front of me


-then to top it off on the way home i used my eye as an excuse to get bumped to business class and i did since when i changed my return after i fell i could only get economy but i played the irish charm card with a wink from the swollen eye and a sad face and i got a lady who was like pooooor bebe. done. then came home to an amazingly clean apartment, a live turtle, and rye and beer waiting for me. an excellent voyage from beginning to end.

ps-and SPECIAL mention goes to Maria the german novel loving lady from Munich who battled the rain clouds with persistance in the name of finishing her book. :squish:

shaking the florida tree

blush makes burns look real.

i was gonna say i am surprised i can lift my leg that high but actually i am not.

-i have 4 more sleeps, some packing to do, then 2 business class flights, an overnight at sheraton gateway and then i will be in florida for a week. i am a tad on the excited side...

shaking the kitty return

-i decided not to post in april because i did not want to so i did not but i will now again and i try to not to care that i do not post but i guess because i have posted about my life and its non-exciting'nessess for long times that i can not let go so i guess here i go again.

-so i can totally guess actually i _know_ that obviously buddy who lives above me has a new girlfriend or something cause a certain someone is banging something for a couple of nights now around like 12midnight and in all honesty i am thinking this is the first time i have had to deal with someone above me banging the shit out of something and all i hear is squeek squeek squeeek of headboards and bed frames and so on and its fun to listen to the rhythm speed up and decrease like uh oh someone is getting tired but that is because i am a loser and so nosey on other peoples lives but that is okay and then round like 1205am there is a little gross female yelp like she stubbed her vagina toe. then i turn the radio up and then go to sleep.

-i am master housesitter as i have stated before and this time it was for rodney and kristen because they went down to mexico and please do not even go near the swine flu for H1N1 SUPER DUPER VIRUS A GRAD 2009 i am tired of talking about that shit so please do not bring up the fact that peopler are dying but IN MEXICO who probably thought they just had a cold and did nothing then died BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DEATH IN THE U.S.A ya that is right i forgot about that oh thats right she was a MEXICAN BABY visiting anyway perportions are blown wide me thinks but ANYWAY so i house sat and they have two kitties named titus and amelia and i love them i am uncle jared to them


and i couldnt figure out why my earphones were chewed up...




amelia is an ice cream whore. so is kael. they got along well. except when ice cream was present. but kael was nice and let her share the stick

titus' impersonation of fags... haaaayyyy

i got to live at their super nice place for a week and i got to walk to work which was nice rather than ride transit where people are fucking disgusting and sneeze on you when the H1N1 SUPER DUPER VIRUS A GRAD 2009 is around but ya that was cool so is their patio and their gay neighbors who shower with their window open so you can sorta peak and see their upper half lathering up and then they see you staring and it is an awkward moment but you do not care because it was free.

-tanya was moving out of her place with her boyfriend and last saturday they had a party summer themed and we did the shaky faces photos and i do not have all of them because i have some classic pictures

see we are not retarded faced like normal that is a shaky face and i like how jenna's boob got in on the action too.