thieving things for theorys

-so i subscribed last year to national geographic in an attempt to look smart by leaving the magazines in the bathroom so when dates come by they will see that and be all like WHOA HE IS SMART HE MUST BE IF HE ENJOYS READING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC DURING BOWEL MOVEMENTS and i received 4 issues and then after january nothing so i called and said LADY I AM NOT GETTING THEM ANYMORE so she said they would resend me february and march and that it would take a week and that was 2 weeks ago so i am going to go down to our mailbox for the office with a axe and chop some hands off anybody who looks intelligent and who mentions anything about "something they read in national geographic..." CHOP!!!


-cupid is actually a cynical alcoholic.


-i think you should all offer me money for my paintings soon because i am convinced i am going to die of a brain tumor because i have been getting headaches since saturday when things are intense. i hope i get hallucinations.

so buy now before i die.

(why has that not been used in marketing before... brilliant)

-so i am wanting to do the lets hop on a plane and get the fuck outta here thing again so in may i am going to florida for a week and visiting bucci and randyman and after i do the haaay sunshine make me look old with your rays but give me color i head off to montreal and instead of just connecting through i am going to spend the weekend there in a luxury hotel and search the streets of mon-reee-al. then fly back business class because i am a fucking diva bitch and i do things right. i am looking forward to it and that is it.

dance of the creep sucking on irish bacon

-i have been painting a little bit more these days and i just finished this one for a new friend:

i am having fun depicting people as short fat little fucks but anyway new friend had sent me a piece of writing and in it was the line "yesterday knows only one dance..." and i do not know why but for whatever reason that set off the creative juices and i painted this so then i gave it to new friend and new friend likes it but this is not the final final product i forgot to take a picture of the final final because i was too excited to give said painting to new friend but that is okay i am sure if i wanted new friend would let me over to take a picture or two then of the painting! HA!
and please note the blackeneded q-tip at the top of the picture was used to apply some acrylic ink that is not product of my ear if it was i would be concerned for my health and mind you i am sure if you took a qtip to my liver the technicolor result would be mind boggling.

-speaking of pictures... oh i can not believe i have not shared this well i have been lazy and i am aware of this but back in december i went to rodney and kristens christmas party and i got in the seasonal mood and got hammed and that night i walked all the way home in the snow from downtown to my apartment like a 45 minute walk but let me tell you hastings street is so fun when you are drunk walking home in the snow i sorta now understand why it is hang-out-ville for the drunks and drug addicts and anyway that was that now cut to end of february i get a call at work and some guy is all quick talking telling me he met me at a christmas party in december and could not remember whos party and he liked my look and wants to take pictures and then i was like UMM I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS AT WORK and then he asked for my number and i said NO you can have my email and then he was all snotty like and said CANT I JUST HAVE YOUR CELL NUMBER and i said NO and so he took my email and i get this email which i deleted but said that he liked my look my ink and wants to take pictures of me in jeans, underwear and nude for his "private portfolio" and then i was super offended because fuck face did not even offer me any money like hello do you think i give this shit away for free* at least if there was an offer of money i would take a moment of thought and still say no but come on now but lesson learned leave the business cards at home when going to a function based on merry-making-drink-fest.
*if you are reading this and i have given it to you for free that is because i was a)drunk b)liked you c)thought you had money

-umm hello lovers...

-on st. patricks day i drank beer. sans vert. i do not need green food coloring in my beer to feel irish. but i hope you all drank a bit of beer or some sorta irish drink type thing. i thought of jamesons but i knew at a public place that would only lead to public not-so-goodness-like-falling-asleep-under-the-restaurant-table. been there and that does not feel irish.

bang frank BANG

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