thieving things for theorys

-so i subscribed last year to national geographic in an attempt to look smart by leaving the magazines in the bathroom so when dates come by they will see that and be all like WHOA HE IS SMART HE MUST BE IF HE ENJOYS READING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC DURING BOWEL MOVEMENTS and i received 4 issues and then after january nothing so i called and said LADY I AM NOT GETTING THEM ANYMORE so she said they would resend me february and march and that it would take a week and that was 2 weeks ago so i am going to go down to our mailbox for the office with a axe and chop some hands off anybody who looks intelligent and who mentions anything about "something they read in national geographic..." CHOP!!!


-cupid is actually a cynical alcoholic.


-i think you should all offer me money for my paintings soon because i am convinced i am going to die of a brain tumor because i have been getting headaches since saturday when things are intense. i hope i get hallucinations.

so buy now before i die.

(why has that not been used in marketing before... brilliant)

-so i am wanting to do the lets hop on a plane and get the fuck outta here thing again so in may i am going to florida for a week and visiting bucci and randyman and after i do the haaay sunshine make me look old with your rays but give me color i head off to montreal and instead of just connecting through i am going to spend the weekend there in a luxury hotel and search the streets of mon-reee-al. then fly back business class because i am a fucking diva bitch and i do things right. i am looking forward to it and that is it.