-i am normally a happy go happy person in the morning unless i am doing some serious nursing of a hangover but even then i just walk around and am like whatev as i am generally oblivious to the world but one thing that really irritates the piss out of me are homelss people knocking me out of my world of obliviousnesess. now i am not meaning every homeless person asking for change as i usually just say sorry and sometimes you get the angry person who curses at you in which i promptly reply with a finger in the air or you get the religious homeless person who says god bless and i usually reply with have a good day. i am not angry at the fact that they are homeless i just get a little frusterated with the lies they choose to spill out not that i know who is lying but when someone is saying they need money for food and shelter as they have their crack pipe sitting next to them and crack sores all over their face that resemble that of a teenage boy in puberty who rubbed pizza grease all over their face then ya i will doubt your story of hunger. i have given money to some that are out right honest and say they need it for weed or beer or the ones who are creative like one time i was approached by some hideous looking shaggy transient and he said HELP ME I AM UGLY AND NO ONE LIKES ME i gave him a buck. he made me laugh because he was so god damn ugly.[rant]BUT... what i DO NOT TOLERATE are the ones who approach you in the morning and start off by going I AM HIV POSITIVE CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE. that right there makes me stop and glare at them. urges to punch them in the throat, spit in their face, kick them in the testicles (you get the point) flash through my mind but i have to clench my fists and resort to verbally assaulting them informing them that they should go fuck themselves in the worst way. i usually get colorful response from them and looks from other passer-bys. yes you may be HIV positive but to me that is not an excuse for being on the street. i have friends who are HIV positive and that does not stop them from having decent jobs and pretty nice places to live (nicer than mine even)... i do not know it just ruffles my feathers in the absolute worst way, especially in the morning as i drag my ass to work .[end rant]
-i am to move on saturday. i am quite excited about this as a)i finally am moving into a place with my name on it not a place that someone else already lives and i am becoming roommate number 1,375... b)i am moving in with bitch, meaning a new step in life a new step with him he just better pray he never forgets to bring my ass coffee in the morning and c)i can walk around in my ginch all i am wanting and jerking off where ever i am wanting an not having to worry about who will be walking through the door mind you if dave does he will just walk by and ignore me as he sort of expects this from me. so ya. i am excited. the one thing that licks hard anus is the fact that i am unable to get a truck for the morning of saturday ... only the evening. i call the landlord andymann and he is saying words like AHSO TOOOO LATE TO MOVE!@# TENNANTS GO IN AND OUT AFTER 6:00PM. personally i have no fucking clue what he is meaning by that. oh update i just called landlord andymann and he said AHSO NO PROBWEM. landlord andymann has done this to me serveral times i am asking something to what i am thinking is simple and he replies with sweat, hesitation and worry about how it is not a good idea and how this and that and then suddenly AHSO NO PROBWEM. whatev.
me: "... and that will land in toronto at 16.30. fare is non-refundable and non-transferable. if cancelled the file will remain as a credit good for one year [enter in more standard cancellation talk]. does he need a hotel?"
secretary: "...im sorry what time does that flight land?"
me: "at 16.30 which is 4:30 in the afternoon. would mr. x like a hotel?"
secretary: "...is the ticket refundable?"
me: [lifts eyebrow and clenchs stress ball] "no. [repeats cancellation policy]..."
secretary: [silence]
me: "would mr. x like a hotel for the night while in toronto?"
secretary: "hold on... he lands at 4:30 in the morning..."
i realize that she is trying to decipher her short hand which must not be very good.
this is the type of conversation i must encounter on a daily basis in regards. this shit is exhausting. i understand that on a daily basis i am involved in the world of travel so i understand abit more about how this all works however i am starting to wonder if i mumble or if these secretaries/assistants got where they got through copious amounts of fellatio.
bicth tried to argue with me the other day that his new found job at le chat-toe is more draining that my job as a corp. travel bitch... that is like apples to grapefruits bitch. apples to grapefruits.!!@#!
bitch is better at strangling trees than understanding at what i do...
keep it up bitch. <3 i mean he looks good doing it no?
bitch if youre reading this ... your bottom tonight!@#!
-my mother does not know how to use the vcr... still. my mother does not know how to use the dvd player... still. her method of figuring it out is mashing the buttons until something happens which is generally followed by her calling me up and asking 'how do you fix the (vcr/dvd) when it does [fill in blank with something i am usually left scratching my head too]...?'
she recently purchased a cell phone.she just sent me a text message... _with_ no spelling mistakes?!
i want my flask as i am in shock.
-on the weekend i fell off the wagon. whatev i am cool with it. bitch and i hung out with one of his old friends j'nette and her friend erin. they like to drink as well and it turns out they live in the apartment building next to me. so we went to some lame party where there was no music and people were reading magizines. the highlight was when i almost puked from over drinking to make the night some what exciting. after an hour of that shit we left and drank while walking down commercial in the rain. we basically reaked havoc through our camera randomly taking pictures of people but we were nice people because we would give money to them for their visual kindness. my favorite was an old lady who i am still unsure if she was homeless but she had this great homeless chic look and when we asked her her name we all thought she said derka and i do not think thats what it was but we liked derka better than what her actual name is. we gave her like 5 bucks in change. we aparently are not very financially responsible when drunk but that is a no brainer.
we formed an air band called asian nose penis and our first single is called "two for trish" and it is going to be about a a drag queen who hooks herself out to pay for some double d breasts. we are going to be the next big thing. our second single is going to be called "donair downhere" which is based on a toothless cripple who was still hawt who liked donair and how an admirer puts donair on her lap in hope of getting eaten out.
i eventually fell asleep...
-i have been feeling all exhausted like and just out right stressed. i hate having to search for places to live because i am one of those 'what if' people and i what if to the point i have myself convinced that i will be sheltering myself from the torential down pouring of rain with a cardboard box within a shopping cart fighting to the newspaper blanket from bitch because he is a selfish blanket whore...
..
...but as of this morning, i no longer have to worry. 90% has turned to 100% and i am signing the lease today after work. mind you i do need to goto my bank and slap a yatch or two just to get a cheque printed but other than that i am on my way. i think i may skip behind the wagon tonight to celebrate.
-because i can be, at times, a very non-pateint person especially with things like where are i going to be living next month i decided to take things into my own hands and call mr realtor person in china town. he said to me that it is 'LOOKING TO BE 90% THAT YOU WILL HAVE IT'. i will do accepting of the 90% but i am curious what the fuck the 10% is. he then followed up the conversation with 'CAN YOU COME IN MONDAY TO SIGN LEASE' so to me that is sounding pretty concrete!
i am happy.
-so last weekend bitch and i went apartment hunting and we went to about four different places but it was the first one we saw that i we are really really wanting not only because it is pretty decent and near commercial drive and it is right across the street from i am living now which is pretty saweet in my eyes. so we went to china town and filled in an application to move into that place and we are still waiting to hear from them whether or not they like us or not and i am hoping they like us because i want this fucking apartment... but i am not getting my hopes all high and stuff mind you i have already planned out where all the furniture is going...
-i <3 anti-biotics... especially when i am not supposed to be taking them but take them anyway and they cure me of whatever problem i was having. (edit: i did have a big ol post on this but i guess in flipping my templates it got angry and deleted some of my typed words. whateva..)
-i do not like to admit it actually i really am not giving a sh!t but i like to watch television. it slowly drains all my creativity and liveliness but that is okay because there are certain programs that i must watch and the sacrifice of my creativity or any productivity is worth it... in no particular order:
1)America's Next Top Model
sadly like everyother homo out there i am hooked on this show. i am not even sure what the facination is but it is funny because it is probably about the straightest i will ever get is while watching that show because you will hear me utter things like "DAMN SHE IS HAWT" ..."PHEW SHE IS GOREEEEOUS" etc but then those 'male-het' comments are usually followed by "LOOK AT THOSE SHOES"... "THAT DRESS IS AMAZING LOOK HOW IT COMPLIMENTS HER FIGURE" so my fag'ness is quickly revalidated. i have even made my self unavailable at gapland on wednesday evenings so i can watch this program with bitch and a bottle of wine. sad but true...
2)What Not To Wear
i think since i work part time retail and in a clothing store i am sucked into this show so easily. the advice they give while trashing the persons style is like a huge bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream... delicious. i think once again because i am a homo my fascination level is high with this show. stacey and clinton have even come out with a book full of there expertise advise. i am awaiting pay day. sad but true...
3)Extreme Makeover Home Edition
not much to say but when i watch it i cry. good weekly release. sad but true...
4)Lonely Planet
again, i believe due to my day time occupation (travel agency) i can not help but watch this show but the thing is when i am watching it i am always all angry like that the weird guy with the accent can have such a great job of traveling and getting drunk in places like tokyo and crazy ass locations like that. but do not get me wrong the travel aspect is neat but how in the fuck did he get the job. asshole.
5)The Surreal Life
watch the new season with janice dickenson and peppa from salt and peppa. you will understand... nuff said.
-i have mentioned to some people that i am trying to be on the wagon because my arm was getting sore from all the lifting i was doing with pint glasses to my face and then i have scary moments where remembering is weak and i am waking up on busses far from home so i am trying to stay on the wagon after episodes such as that but it is a difficult thing... expecially when co-workers go away and ask you to watch their apartment well not watch it but to go visit periodically and talk with the greenery in the apartment and pick up mail because it can build up fast and then you have angry mailmen due to the full mailbox and then they stop giving out those free mailer samples of very random products (yesterday was tampons... there were six in the box and there was 1 especially for heavy days... hah. heavy days). so anywayanyway i goto the apartment to do my duty of hort-y conversation and what do i find in the fridge... beer for me for my kindness... i have come to the conclusion that my co-worker is a EASTER EUROPEAN TEMPTRESS/SHE-DEVIL WOMAN!@ i had one beer as i watered the plants told them my daily plight of office life. a sip for them a sip for me. it is okay because i just had the one and i did not fall asleep somewhere random or find blank memory spots or anything like that so i guess i can justify it that way... this wagon bullsh!t is a wobbly one... let me tell ya...
it is once again time for some sort of change. i know what it is and i am not liking it but in the long run it will do me good... welcome you constant wind continually blowing out my candles of self diluded perfection...
::sigh::
