working the tan song

-have you ever been so like OH MY FUCKING GAWD I AM ABOUT TO FREAK OUT angry slash frustrated that you really do not freak out but just well up with tears because there is nothing else to do. that was me today. i have no problems with admitting this whatsoever i do have an issue that it happened at work but i had no choice it was either that or throw a chair out the window and just jump but um then i would not be going to mexico. it is amazing how the thought of your future trip to the mayan riviera one week away totally squashes any thoughts of going worker postal. i am better now. but at the time i was not feeling hot. and when i am like that i am like a person with tourettes and just fucking swear randomly and offensively and rudely but whatever i usually apologize afterwards and since it happened with tears in my eyes they usually forgive me. anyway today sucked.

it is almost like working law that if you are about to go away on some amazing vacation and you totally have been dreaming about it since your last vacation and you are just fucking counting the days down then one day a huge rock of a problem will fall on your head...NO NO EVEN WORSE AND MORE PAINFUL...YOUR TESTICLES. that is how it is. and then when you do finally go away pending whether or not your significant other loses their wallet again but when you do go away it is this sugh SIGH and you never want to go back but then you realize you have no choice and so you do go back and when you get there you develop a i dont give a shit attitude i just came back from 31 degree ... seriously that is how it has been every time before vacation for me. clockwork.

-next week i have a tough tan ragime to follow. mon-wed-fri and then saturday we are gone. i will be non-pale and that is exciting. me me me.

-so once i watched an episode of american idol and i saw that girl jordin sparks sing and i was like she should win after seeing all the fucking twits on it with her except the big black chick lakeeeeesha hah i love her oh and melinda doolittle because her name rocks but anywayanyway i saw jordin sing I Who Have Nothing and it made me go NICE and so i dug up some vintage Shirley Bassey and been watching this because i think it is great. but all sad like over and over and over again.

identify the dumpster fags

-bitch and i went to granville island so he can take some photography and anyway as we were walking i found this bin behind a wood crafty type store and they were having a garbage full of perfect wood to paint it was like a bin that said FREE POOR ARTIST CANVAS so i jumped in. bitch caught this on camera. i do not know but something makes me look good in that shot. maybe i am destined to dumpster dive. anyway all not really important i just needed to cater to my self absorbedness and justify posting a picture of me.

-so i got bitchs new id in via courier today. i do not want to even give it to him until we are boarding the plane.... if he loses it again before we even leave i will break up with him. this i promise.

-on the weekend we went out to some gay places and when i say gay i am not meaning OH THEY SUCKED THEY WERE SO BORING IT WAS GAY i mean like gay places and they sucked. we got kicked out for some reason something about the bartender being a fag but ya anyway when i was getting kicked out i saw some guy i used to party with and i was all OH HEY and he was the one kicking me out. asshole. i hate going to gay clubs/bars and shit. they are all homos.

-i played with tango on the weekend well not played but brought her out and placed her on a towel and the 'playing' consisted of me making sure tango did not run off the towel. then she was totally running in my hands it was cute in the oh she hates me and is trying to escape type way. i want her to get used to me so when she is bigger and huge and whatnot she will not rip my face off.

inspiring identification smoke

-i thought about this and thought how i would not post it because i do not want to embarass bitch but since this event has totally pre-occupied my brain and his brain space with worry and stress i have to mention the fact that bitch lost his wallet AGAIN and AGAIN right before holidays and this has caused a major problem as he has no ID and um hi you need id to board the plane to mexico and people are all like why have you not gotten a passport and um have YOU TRIED LATELY i am not having the time to stand in fucking line at what 4am to then be told oh sorry we can not get to you today. anyway so we are crossing our fingers that victoria will notice the rush and get it out to bitch soonsoon. i hope. i do not want to goto mexico by myself thank you. needless to say bitch will be getting a wallet with a chain whether he fucking likes it or not.

-my boss' sister found out i smoked and one of her friends had given her tons of mild seven japanese cigarettes and um i love them so she gave me two cartons of them. hello 400 free little cigarettes. i love the packaging though because it says (and i quote) "the superbly balanced mild seven blend offers an inspiring moment of satisfaction". how can you not want to smoke these. AN INSPIRING MOMENT OF SATISFACTION... they make it sound better than sex. i wonder if you still get those moments where you are smoking with a tumor in your lungs. i typed in mild seven in google to see if i can find a picture of the packaging to show you to prove i am not lying about the well worded engrish and i found this picture and i am guessing this guy is having an inspiring moment of satisfaction...

that is what i look like after my first mildseven in the morning it is morning moments of inspiring satisfaction explosions everywhere.

-so on the verge of sounding like a freak, elizabeth is moving to vancouver at some point and i'm super excited because i do not know her in person type know but i know her from on line and i know she likes cute homos (check), she can drink (check), she is funny (check), and she has a lil jack russell named mitzie (check), she has always wanted an austin mini like me (check), oh and her boyfriend is shaggy cute so when we are drunk we will awkwardly oogle him (check) ... to me she is the making of a new BFF. i should just send out a mass mail to everyone and tell them i no longer have a need for friends. i wonder if she would want to come to mexico on a days notice...

tango bane sugar cane

-i as going through the files in my old geocities account because i did blawging back in the day but anyway i was going through old picture files and i came across these.....




and ya i realized i was this weird emo genius and i want to find that book but i do not know where it is and that makes me sad because i know if i recreate what i thought of back when i would be rich and it is as simple as that.

-i officially started tanning today and oh mygawd i forgot how much i love that shit being roasted by blueish lights roasting your skin and after i am addicted to the smell of the skin because it is all cooked. when i went in tho and i said i wanted to tan the lady asked how long and i said i do not know but it is my first time this year and she says YOURE WHITE all like what the fuck style and i joked and said really and ya i tanned. she's like iranian or something i-do-not-need-to-tan nationality and her skin is perfect.

-here's a picture of tango. she's a fucking bitch.

it's a weird picture of her and yes i just typed her because i am like sure tango is a chick which means she is totally going to fucking lay eggs everywhere...

keeping away the sun madness

-so it is finalized like forsure for sure. we are going. may o5. done. we are going here...

its name is bahia principe akumal. it is fun to say.
and i think it looks nice. touristy and nice.
and i am sucker for intricate pools...

AND, as apart of my job, we HAVE to fly in club (business) class at least one way. i hate life.

dying in an african red bush

-so i have basically decided that i am slowly dying because my body aches like I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE type ache and it sucks. i am just sitting here drinking tea and watching dog because it is the only some what reasonable back ground noise and i need to go get smokes but the thought of walking is not sexy right now like yesterday i felt the same way but a bit worse and i at one point was like well maybe if this is apart of a weird hangover maybe a beer will help so i walked to the beer and wine and when i got there i totally was all sweaty and gross because my body decided to go through this flash of grossnes and at the same point my bank card comes back saying cancelled so now i am pissed so i call the bank and apparently some one tried making a copy of my card like DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME there is never any money in my account so all you fucking people are doing are inconveniencinging me over and over. what ev so i walked back home and i think because i was so angry i started to feel better so i did some magic money moving between cards and went and got beer. then this morning i totally felt fine and then as the day has gone on i am feeling decrepid and old. so essentially ask me what i have done in the last three days... nothing. its cool though.

-in other vanity filled news i will begin tanning this week especially if i am leaving for mexico in 3 weeks or so. that was just a reason to mention that i am going to mexico again.
chachacha

-now that i am drinking tons of african red bush tea and i am going to post a picture of it because it is delicious tea and i have no idea if it is good for you but i am drinking it thinking it will

but anyway since i have had 3 cups and am now wanting caesars because there are these commercials on right now that are all "ONCE YOU SEE A CAESAR YOU WANT A CAESAR" and they must have done tons of research because they are right. i want a caesar.

q-tipping jesus from the riviera

-we have not had qtips in like a week or so and it has been hell and when i came home today i saw that bitch bought some i dropped everything and stood in the bathroom q-tipping my ears for like 2 minutes. when you have not had a qtip in your ear for like a week and then suddenly there are some it is like having sex for the first time but with your ear and no lube. i had a cigarette after too.

-out of boredom and well... boredom i have started this painting and it will have to do more with jesus and homos but its tote cool because i will only be reciting from the bible and it sounds total like gay literature and its from chapter samuel or whatever you fucking call it.. i think catholics will not like it but it is not meant to be offensive just thought provoking.. um ya! and its jesus themed for easter.

i found the picture of haaay-zoos on the ground and thought it would be good to incorporate for a painting when i was slightly intoxicated.


these are some others i am working on... they are going to be a part of 'the series'

-have i mentioned that i am going to mexico in like a month. well at this point it is 95% sure. that is exciting. i need a vacation. mayan riviera here i come.

-today is my friday. i am glad.